Affair?

KeepFighting_2

aileth wrote: »

Well this sounds really familiar. When he did the debt, it really changed everything. I do wonder what things would be like if he never did.

aileth

There is the problem it happened it cannot be changed oyu have to decide if you wish to contiue in this relationship and that can only be done if he can make you happy despite never being trusted by you again.

aileth

Joons wrote: »

What's your gut saying, usually it's a good indicator?

Ambivalent really. When I first found it, because of everything else, I thought definitely, but then as I read the posts and took a time out I thought surely he wouldn't do that, then when he dismissed me and accused me of rummaging in the bin I thought maybe he has done it, and now I just don't know.

LEJC

Why not put the past 24 hours behind you and just move on...

you may find its the wake up call you both need to start to appreciate eachother again.

All relationships go through periods of unrest ar times where you drift along and its up to you both to communicate and enjoy your times together.

Instead of being accusational towards your partner why not drop the subject of the note altogether...becausae in honesty if you are going to be more vigilant of his movements etc then he will be too...and honestly that doesnt make for happy times together...you'll probably end up even forcing him down the route that youre thinking hes going down if you start to get too paranoid.

If its a case that you feel youve drifted apart why not take some time to reconnect...cheesy as it sounds make time for eachother and then I think you might find that he possibly realises what he has with you is worth holding on to and hopefully he will open up more to you and leave the phone behind...

JustinCredibleGillespie

It sounds like a bit of a guilty conscience to me.

He answered your question with a question. You asked about the note, he asks have you been rummaging in the bin. Just don't dismiss what others have said too quickly. This could be the start of an affair and you've caught it early. 4 years isnt a long time to be with someone when you can say your more best friends than lovers. If its like this after 4 years, whats it going to be like after 10 years, I wouldn't waste another 4 on him. Everyone needs love and passion in a relationship. If you cant see yourself marrying this man. Have a think, is this really what you want?

JCG

xx

aileth

JustinCredibleGillespie wrote: »

It sounds like a bit of a guilty conscience to me.

He answered your question with a question. You asked about the note, he asks have you been rummaging in the bin. Just don't dismiss what others have said too quickly. This could be the start of an affair and you've caught it early. 4 years isnt a long time to be with someone when you can say your more best friends than lovers. If its like this after 4 years, whats it going to be like after 10 years, I wouldn't waste another 4 on him. Everyone needs love and passion in a relationship. If you cant see yourself marrying this man. Have a think, is this really what you want?

JCG

xx

I am already married, we married after two years so together four, married two. I personally don't mind the lack of passion, but I don't know if he does. He isn't particularly romantic at all. I've booked us breaks away and it hasn't really 'stirred' anything up. It all slowed down a lot after only a year married, and I'm not sure why. I know I'm partly to blame as I'm incredibly self conscious, but I wouldn't think that'd stop romance per se, and the more I think about it I think perhaps I have pushed him away too much in that area, possibly into another woman's arms.

The hard part is what can I do really.

bryanb

Hopefully no children involved?

aileth

No, no children thankfully.

System

Texts from the bank??

All quite innocent. My husband gets two texts from the bank on Friday around Midday telling how much he's got in his two bank accounts. Its something he set up online. I used to have them too.

JustinCredibleGillespie

aileth wrote: »

I am already married, we married after two years so together four, married two. I personally don't mind the lack of passion, but I don't know if he does. He isn't particularly romantic at all. I've booked us breaks away and it hasn't really 'stirred' anything up. It all slowed down a lot after only a year married, and I'm not sure why. I know I'm partly to blame as I'm incredibly self conscious, but I wouldn't think that'd stop romance per se, and the more I think about it I think perhaps I have pushed him away too much in that area, possibly into another woman's arms.

The hard part is what can I do really.

In hindsight, would you have married him if someone had shown you that this is the way it was going to be after 4 years?

JCG

xx

System

I asked him further to help reassure me and he accused me of 'rummaging' in the bin to try and find something to have a 'go at him for.' The only thing I have a 'go at him for' is when I ask him to do a favour, like ringing the vets, on his day off as I'm at work and he says yes, yes, and after a week of asking if he's rung them yet, I just end up doing it myself, and I can't even remember the last time we had an argument.

You werent rumaging though were you?