Affair?

System

i'd rather to through the palava than get saddled with a huge bill that someone else has run up.

Kildare

busiscoming2 wrote: »

I didn't know you could have a password on the phone and am not aware of anyone that uses this. Surely it makes it a palaver whenever you want to use the phone?

It is a palaver - but I have my kindle / ipod / phone / laptop all passworded. That being said my OH & I have the same password so we can use each others stuff if needed (very rarely and we always asked the other person first anyway). It would be wierd if we were locked out of each others things!!

shop-to-drop

You sound very intelligent and savvy but in an emotional time like this you may not be thinking straight so I thought I'd point out this. If he is thinking of leaving you he may run up debts that you are liable for if he is able to. It sounds like he has been prone to this sort of thing in the past from what you've said. So please in the mean time keep a really close eye on finances and maybe sever any links financially you have with him if possible. I still think that if you want your marriage to continue going to relate would be a good idea whether he is having an affair or not.

stir_crazy

HeadAboveWater wrote: »

Agreed with busiscoming2. Just the note, yeah ok. But all the phone stuff is kinda weird...

It depends if the stuff with the phone is new behaviour. OH and I dont have passwords on our phones, but the phones are glued to our hips - him because he can't bear to miss out on any form of communication, and me because I'm so scatter brained that it takes me half an hour to find anything if I lay it down. And I have been known to screen calls if I can't be bothered to talk to someone or if its a private number, OH has screened calls in front of me aswell. In fact, we've both done everything that the OP has mentioned, but we've done this since day one, so its never crossed my mind to be suspicious.

However, if OH was open with his phone throughout our relationship then suddenly started the behaviour the OP has mentioned, then I would think that something was up.

HeadAboveWater

Yes, sorry, should've said that in my post. Thanks! If it was the norm from day 1 then no need to think twice about it. If this is 'new' then maybe cause for concern

aileth

Yes, it is new in the sense it's only been the last year or so (we've been together 4 years)

I asked him further to help reassure me and he accused me of 'rummaging' in the bin to try and find something to have a 'go at him for.' The only thing I have a 'go at him for' is when I ask him to do a favour, like ringing the vets, on his day off as I'm at work and he says yes, yes, and after a week of asking if he's rung them yet, I just end up doing it myself, and I can't even remember the last time we had an argument.

He then said he couldn't believe I'd think he was stupid enough to put something like that if it was genuine into the home bin. This coming from the same man who was stupid enough to sign up to contracts he hid from me using a joint email that we both used.

KeepFighting_2

Aileth
I am not sure that this going to help butI have read through your post and one thing I saw touched a nerve. It was when you mentioned about debt and going behind your back.
I have been married 25 years and from 2004 until 2010 I went behind my wifes back and borrowed a very large amount of money. She finally discovered this and we have now sorted this out.
However it has changed our relationship forever I know that she will always have a nagging doubt about what I do and sometimes this can be irritating and I get cross. However she is right I have been deceitful in the past and now have to be completely honest about everything. Somethings can be trivial but I have to except that it was my fault not hers I borrowed the money not her and I hid it and nearly brought ruin on us both.
I do not knwo if there is anything in the piece of paper it could be entirely innoncent that is soemthing only your partner knows the answer to.
I would urge you to sit down with him and explain how you fell and your concerns and worries. If he truly loves you then he will understand and try his best to do what you wish. He has if what you have said lost his right to expect you to trust him explain this and see what happens.
As someone else said if oyu are not happy and do not feel that you can live like this then you need to consider your options he also has to do this and perhaps this will jolt him into realising what an idiot he is being.
Also my wife and I were more friends than lovers but in my opinion that is waht is the most important thing you do not necessarily have sex with your best friend but your best friend in a mariage should be your partner.

claire16c

Texts from the bank??

Perhaps you should try to get a look at his phone. Maybe ask to use it to make a call, say you cant find yours or something, and if he does everything in his power not to let you, or follows you when you use it, then you know something is up.

aileth

KeepFighting wrote: »

Aileth
I am not sure that this going to help butI have read through your post and one thing I saw touched a nerve. It was when you mentioned about debt and going behind your back.
I have been married 25 years and from 2004 until 2010 I went behind my wifes back and borrowed a very large amount of money. She finally discovered this and we have now sorted this out.
However it has changed our relationship forever I know that she will always have a nagging doubt about what I do and sometimes this can be irritating and I get cross. However she is right I have been deceitful in the past and now have to be completely honest about everything. Somethings can be trivial but I have to except that it was my fault not hers I borrowed the money not her and I hid it and nearly brought ruin on us both.
I do not knwo if there is anything in the piece of paper it could be entirely innoncent that is soemthing only your partner knows the answer to.
I would urge you to sit down with him and explain how you fell and your concerns and worries. If he truly loves you then he will understand and try his best to do what you wish. He has if what you have said lost his right to expect you to trust him explain this and see what happens.
As someone else said if oyu are not happy and do not feel that you can live like this then you need to consider your options he also has to do this and perhaps this will jolt him into realising what an idiot he is being.
Also my wife and I were more friends than lovers but in my opinion that is waht is the most important thing you do not necessarily have sex with your best friend but your best friend in a mariage should be your partner.

Well this sounds really familiar. When he did the debt, it really changed everything. I do wonder what things would be like if he never did.

Joons

What's your gut saying, usually it's a good indicator?