Would you be annoyed?

Lilith1980

Hi, I've not read all the replies but this happened to me whilst I was still with my husband (he was 28 then...going on 12).

He went out one evening and I stayed in, I got up for work the next morning and he wasn't back, and when I got home later that day he still wasn't home so I was pretty livid. He sloped back in apologising and saying his phone had died, although why he didn't think to use his office phone to ring me I don't know as he'd gone to work the next day.

Even if we went out on our separate nights out, I'd text him to let him know when I got home, even if he was still out. That courtesy was never extended to me.

I think it comes down to respect and your OH doesn't appear to be showing you much of that. He does sound childish - almost like he is sulking at YOU because you are angry at HIM for not bothering to let you know he is ok.

From your post, it almost sounds like you are mother of the relationship and he is the disrespectful son - that's not a criticism of you, just how the situation sounds (i.e. you going out to work and him spending his time getting drunk).

Do you think the pair of you are compatible or do you think you'd both be better off with people more suited to you?

maman

helenut wrote: »

I did think my multiple texts were a bit OTT. I've calmed down a bit now, still won't be speaking to him until I get home, I want to see if he will actually put dinner on without me telling him how

I suppose he could always ask his 'real' mum how to use the SC?;)

HeadAboveWater wrote: »

I think this is another good point. You're not a texter so little or no texting is the norm for you. [/QUOTE

Marshflower wrote: »

I don’t think what he did is the issue so much as it’s clearly something that has occurred before which you have established you don’t find acceptable within your relationship, he knows this and yet he still went ahead and did it. You need to talk to him, rather than ignoring him, and find a compromise.....

I think the crux of how you deal with this depends on what is the norm in your relationship and whether you are happy with it.

My DH hates texting so I wouldn't dream of sending him one if he was out. He'd have told me what to expect in terms of timing etc and then called me only if there was a change of plan. That's the norm for us and we're happy with it. If he'd led me to believe that he'd be home at 11 p.m. but come home two hours later with no apology or anything then I'd have had plenty to say!

On the bigger picture, I'd say you need to decide sooner rather than later how you really feel about this 'drinking with mates from college'. It's likely to get more frequent when he goes to university. Personally I don't begrudge him all the irresponsibilities of student life (I enjoyed mine:)) but whether that's compatible with a relationship with someone who's put that behind her, got a a job, a flat..... Good luck whatever you decide.

marisco_2

helenut wrote: »

We're both 23. What would you do? Would you care? Give more slack or less slack.

Till I got to this point of your post I honestly thought that there was a bit of an age gap, him being way younger. I know girls are meAnt to mature faster than guys but this is taking the mick a bit isn't it.

Yes he is young and we have all been there, out getting drunk with our mates etc. It takes very little time or consideration to keep in contact with people who may be left worrying otherwise though.

Do you want to be with him? Or do you think that long term the way he is could become tedious and not something you could cope with? He wont change greatly, this is how your life would be. Personally I would want to be with someone with a bit more gumption, care and consideration about them.

victory

My son is nearly 20 and he can and does go on ' just the one drink' till 3am scenario but he never stops texting/ ringing his GF, these days it's the norm, facebook, twitter all of that whilst they are out,he comes home am but GF knows, lets him in, no one is woken up, they are always in touch.

Could you not have rang him?

Gloomendoom

newcook wrote: »

of course he will - he's hungry and needs to know how to cook the food!!

Ha ha! He'll just get a take away.

I would be pretty peeved off that he'd not let you know he would be back late - one of my ex's used to go out and not answer his phone or not text back that he would be out til late.
funnily enough he would let me know if he'd be late after he had to sleep in the garden one night as I wouldnt get up and answer the door and had turned off my phone!
childish? perhaps but it seemed the only way he'd learn!!

Didn't he have his own key... or was it just that he couldn't he get it in the locK?

helenut

Well we have "made up" or technically we're just speaking as if nothing has happened with neither one mentioning it! I don't really want to have a go at him as I don't want to be that kind of person. Instead, I just seethe in silence whilst he's oblivious and cast it off as irrational thinking.

Thanks for everyone's opinions, it's nice to see things from both sides. Just to add about the gender thing, it's not like it was a lads night out. He went out with him and a group of females, one of which their boyfriend just broke up with her as he was jealous of how she and my OH act together. I haven't met them and they all go to college together (he does a very female-heavy subject).

HeadAboveWater

Glad things are 'ok' between you both

Wee point though for future reference....

helenut wrote: »

I just seethe in silence whilst he's oblivious and cast it off as irrational thinking.

Don't let this become a habit!! Work on your communication! It doesn't have to be a rant or an argument or debate, be it this incident or any other. Just tell him how you feel and let him respond, then vice-versa. If need be, work out an arrangement or compromise so neither one of you is left seething silently!

Gloomendoom

helenut wrote: »

Well we have "made up" or technically we're just speaking as if nothing has happened with neither one mentioning it! I don't really want to have a go at him as I don't want to be that kind of person. Instead, I just seethe in silence whilst he's oblivious and cast it off as irrational thinking.

Well done. Life is far too short to spend it seething... especially if the subject of the seeth is totally oblivious.

marisco_2

helenut wrote: »

I just seethe in silence whilst he's oblivious and cast it off as irrational thinking

How many times can you do that though, without resentment setting in? You aren't being irrational. You had every right to feel annoyed by what happened. If a relationship doesn't have open and honest communication it is on very shaky ground.

Errata

"Seethe in silence" - also known as sulking.