Would you be annoyed?

helenut

I'm just here for a little rant really! The other day my boyfriend said he might go out for a drink after college on Monday (yesterday) and whether it was okay. I was like yeah, sure, fine, I won't be home until late anyway (8pm-ish).

So yesterday I left for a conference (at 5am!!), texted him at 8am to say good luck today at college as he had a big presentation, texted again in the afternoon again asking how it went, but got no reply.

5pm I was leaving the conference so texted him saying I will be home in about 2hrs and if he was in - so I can plan for dinner or something. No reply.
7:30pm texted again as I was near home (I wasn't driving) asking again whether he was home. No reply.
Get home and suprise, he is not there. No problem I sit there and do my homework, his mum calls at about 8:30pm asking where he is / how he went on with college etc just to chat. At that point I'm pretty annoyed and basically tell her he's not here, not seen him or spoken to him since 5am this morning when I left and I have no idea where he is or what he's doing. Which she was pretty shocked and worried about so asked me to text her when he got in.

I eventually go to bed - shattered - and get woken up at approx 1am by a loud banging. Takes me a while to comprehend that it's probably him at the door (waking the neighbourhood as well probs!). He's at the door, he had his keys just clearly couldn't work out how to use them. Drunk as a skunk, didn't say anything. Just looked at me and walked in.

I'm pretty annoyed as it's not the first time this has happened, although last time he did apologise and I forgave him, I mean he is a student and they do do this kind of thing (I know I did). But I never left someone at home worrying with no contact at all. Plus the fact he was at the pub from about 3pm (when college finishes) until he got home just aggrevates me while I've been away working my @ss off.

He didn't say anything to me this morning, completely ignored me, and I him. He did manage to get up though, turn on his laptop, change his facebook status to how "rough" he feels and then went back to sleep.

I don't want to go home. I don't want to see him or speak to him. And tbh I don't think he really cares. It's not a regular occurance (say once a month) but it really annoys me. IF he just TELLS ME "I will be home after midnight" then I wouldn't care.

I feel worried this might be the tip of the iceberg as he's only at college part time now (no job) however starting uni in Sept - still living at home with me and I know what uni is like!

We're both 23. What would you do? Would you care? Give more slack or less slack. I think the lack of sleep has angered me more than usual so I don't know if I'm being unreasonable?

Funky_Bold_Ribena

I'd be living somewhere he isn't to be honest.

ShAnE

It sounds like a 26year old is living with a 16 year old.

Surely a quick word telling him, it'd be nice to know if he is still alive, and when he is planning on getting home, is more than enough.

gildius

I think if it was a one off that would be fine, but to not reply to any of your texts is a bit much.

Bazey

He sounds like a bit of a d!ck. Have you thought about leaving him?

glitter03

I would be more mad that he could not be bothered to text/call/reply to you.

Fair enough a few drinks can turn into a few more drinks and a full blown night out. He is a young student so it is to be expected.

However the lack of disrespect he has shown you is disgusting and I would be having a serious talk with him about it if I were you seeing as how it is a regular occurrence

helenut

ShAnE wrote: »

It sounds like a 26year old is living with a 16 year old.

I feel like this a lot! I was hoping with time we might even out a bit...

glitter03 wrote: »

However the lack of disrespect he has shown you is disgusting and I would be having a serious talk with him about it if I were you seeing as how it is a regular occurrence

I'm just tired of nagging, telling him what to do and when - I don't want to mother him. I guess I have to express how angry I feel though. He's just messaged me then asking how to cook dinner (we only have a slow cooker at the moment as kitchen isnt built yet) no apology or anything.

chrisv24

I think its a bit of dickish thing to do. He should have responded to you.

It sounds like you need to get him an iPhone so you can track him on that find friends app

Mojisola

helenut wrote: »

I'm pretty annoyed as it's not the first time this has happened, although last time he did apologise and I forgave him, I mean he is a student and they do do this kind of thing (I know I did). But I never left someone at home worrying with no contact at all.

I feel worried this might be the tip of the iceberg as he's only at college part time now (no job) however starting uni in Sept - still living at home with me and I know what uni is like!

We're both 23. What would you do? Would you care? Give more slack or less slack.

I would be suggesting he moves into uni accommodation for at least the first year so that he has a chance to grow up.

He probably isn't saying anything to you because, at times like this, you must sound more like his Mum than his partner. It's an easy role to slip into when the other person is behaving like an irresponsible teenager.

Lunar_Eclipse

I would talk to him but be careful to communicate exactly what it is that makes you angry - ie the lack of communication as opposed to him going out till all hours. Ask him how he would feel if the situation was reversed.

I would expect him to appreciate your concern for his safety, so to agree to communicate upfront next time, or to at least respond to your texts. If he thinks this is an unreasonable request then I'd probably begin to question his commitment to the relationship.

HeadAboveWater

OH did something similar to me on Saturday night. Said at 7pm he'd be home 11 or 12pm. Didn't reply to a text at 10pm. And by half 1 I was ringing looking for him. Long story short, he arrived home at 2.45am.

Yes he was only at his brothers house, but regardless, he could've/should've let me know he was going to be later, or at least have the decency to reply to my text so I knew he was alright. All the while I was sitting in the house looking after his unwell daughter!

Needless to say I was not impressed

You gotta let him know how you feel. And as Lunar Eclipse says, about the lack of comms rather than the out drinking part (assuming that is what's bugging you)

BTW, OH is 41 years old.... :eek: