Would you be annoyed?

glitter03

helenut wrote: »

I'm just tired of nagging, telling him what to do and when - I don't want to mother him. I guess I have to express how angry I feel though. He's just messaged me then asking how to cook dinner (we only have a slow cooker at the moment as kitchen isnt built yet) no apology or anything.

Don't reply and let him see how annoying it is

I agree with the poster who said to make sure you express what it is your actually annoyed about...ie the non contact rather than the going out.

He does sound rather immature and as tho he is used to being mothered. You don't want to fall into the trap of being his replacement mum.

Errata

I'm just tired of nagging, telling him what to do and when - I don't want to mother him.

So don't! Leave him to his own devices and he'll discover how to swim, not sink.

londonsurrey

TBH if he's behaving like a teenager, then he deserves the responses you'd give to one.

He can't just expect Mummy to continue to mother him (i.e. give him instructions on how to cook dinner) without having apologised for ignoring the texts, waking you up, behaving like a ****, not apologising, and then to top it all off, having the temerity to sulk, instead of apologising!

If he can't bring himself to apologise, and properly, then I'd have a good hard think about having a staying in relationship with a 10 year old. Otherwise, what can you look forward to? A long life together where the worse he messes things up, to more he "punishes" you(strops, silences, etc)?

JimmyTheWig

helenut wrote: »

The other day my boyfriend said he might go out for a drink after college on Monday (yesterday)
...
IF he just TELLS ME "I will be home after midnight" then I wouldn't care.

Maybe he feels that he did tell you. Maybe that's what going out for a drink after college means to him.

Mojisola

helenut wrote: »

The other day my boyfriend said he might go out for a drink after college on Monday (yesterday) and whether it was okay. I was like yeah, sure, fine, I won't be home until late anyway (8pm-ish).

I eventually go to bed - shattered - and get woken up at approx 1am by a loud banging. Drunk as a skunk, didn't say anything.

Plus the fact he was at the pub from about 3pm (when college finishes) until he got home just aggrevates me while I've been away working my @ss off.

I feel worried this might be the tip of the iceberg as he's only at college part time now (no job) however starting uni in Sept - still living at home with me and I know what uni is like!

How does he fund a drinking session that goes on that long?

Is he paying his share of household expenses or are you funding his life?

Lunar_Eclipse

JimmyTheWig wrote: »

Maybe he feels that he did tell you. Maybe that's what going out for a drink after college means to him.

That's a good point.

My husband goes out quite rarely (once every 2-3 months) for drinks after work. He tells me not to expect him home before the last train so that I don't worry, he doesn't feel the need to keep in touch and he has the option to exceed expectations by being home earlier (which he usually is.) It's just him being lazy, but I can see why he takes this approach. Sometimes he just pops out for 1 or 2 beers, sometimes they then grab a quick bite to eat and sometimes it becomes a full blown late drunken mess.

Brighton_belle

I don't think he has behaved well OP and I think 'once a month' is frequent. Being a student doesn't give a free pass to inconsiderate or immature behaviour for a 23 year old. You need to talk about how you communicate with each other.

However, in the olden days pre mobile, we didn't used to have this incessant txting and obligation to respond/check in. Was that better or worse for people? Not that DH and I buy in to that now.We never txt and rarely ring. Suits us.

martinthebandit

There are some posters on this thread that are coming across as a bit needy, it is possible to go a whole day without texting someone.

Although the OP's boyfriend does come across as a bit of a plonker,

londonsurrey

JimmyTheWig wrote: »

Maybe he feels that he did tell you. Maybe that's what going out for a drink after college means to him.

That would be fair enough, and if that was the only thing, I'd be querying if it was all a simple misunderstanding.

A mature bloke with no guilty conscience would simply text her at say 10pm, with "Sorry, met up with Tim. Will be back very late".
Then having failed to open the door, slurred "Sorry, sweetheart" at her as he fell into bed.

And if, having failed to do all that the night before, mumbled "Sorry about last night" at her through his hangover in the morning, before clutching his head and falling back asleep.

Instead, what does she get? Defiant teenager who doesn't have the grace to say sorry, and throws a prolonged strop at her!

However, it's the lack of apology for waking her up at 1am, coupled with the prolonged silent treatment, on top of the refusal to answer texts that is ringing alarm bells. It points to him having a high probability of being a spoilt immature brat in other areas.

Lara44

He should have replied to your texts, but TBH I wouldn't be too upset. I would have just assumed he had got carried away letting off steam after a big stressful thing. I think good relationships are founded on mutual respect. Nagging can be corrosive to this. Although I don't always practice what I preach - I do try not to nag too much