Is it time to smell the coffee or fight for my marriage?

Person_one

BugglyB wrote: »

This is true, and I also think some women have no idea how it feels to be constantly rejected sexually. to never feel desired. As women we get used to the idea that if we wanted sex,we could get it, and we forget what power that gives us.

To the women on this thread who have said 'oh i can take it it leave it' - its unfair to expect your partner to live the next 4 decades without ever seeing a hint of desire from you. Or thinking that you see sex as a chore. I couldn't live like that.

There's very little that's less sexy and arousing than a partner who sees you as a provider of sex and doesn't really care if you actually enjoy it or want it too, as long as you just do it.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

eggandbacon wrote: »

I'm sorry, it got lost in all the posts. Not often.

Then what's in it for her?

eggandbacon

Funky_Bold_Ribena wrote: »

Then what's in it for her?

What I mean to say is that I satisfy her then.....................

FBaby

eggandbacon wrote: »

I'd love to tell her about my hospital issue but this is something I have to deal with myself. I'm a big boy and if I'm honest when all the big decisions have come my way in life, I've always had to deal them alone. This is no exception.

Interesting comment that makes me wonder whether this is the stem of the problem in your relationship. Could you have a bit of a controlling nature? I can understand that you could feel a bit hesitant to share this issue with her now if your relationship is not too good, but surely you can see that such matters are ones that you need to share with a partner if you want them to feel close and therefore intimate. I would find it hard to feel sexually driven towards a partner who wouldn't feel close enough to me emotionally to share such a significant matter.

Seanymph

But some fellas just deal that way surely?

my OH rarely shares a 'maybe' scenario with me (or with anyone else) - he likes to line up all his ducks before sharing his possible plans, in business and in life.

he does research, considers his options, makes his opinions, THEN consults me.

I'm not sure what he'd do in the OP's situation, but I do know sometimes he doesn't share stuff with me because I'm a worrier, and he takes on responsibility for things to save me being stressed unless it becomes factual.

BugglyB

Person_one wrote: »

There's very little that's less sexy and arousing than a partner who sees you as a provider of sex and doesn't really care if you actually enjoy it or want it too, as long as you just do it.

I would never suggest having sex with someone if they didn't want to! That's not what my post was saying.

I think its unfair to be in a relationship with someone if you say

- I'm the only one you're allowed to have sex with
- but I'm not going to have sex with you
- and thats never going to change.

Ie I have unilaterally decided that you are never having sex again.

Unless you entered into that relationship in the first place.

Firefly

FBaby wrote: »

Interesting comment that makes me wonder whether this is the stem of the problem in your relationship. Could you have a bit of a controlling nature? I can understand that you could feel a bit hesitant to share this issue with her now if your relationship is not too good, but surely you can see that such matters are ones that you need to share with a partner if you want them to feel close and therefore intimate. I would find it hard to feel sexually driven towards a partner who wouldn't feel close enough to me emotionally to share such a significant matter.

That'll be the obsessive compulsive disorder then!

I completely agree, how can you feel close to someone who chooses not to share?

BitterAndTwisted

eggandbacon wrote: »

I had a brief conversation with her last night. She says she gives me everything in her life. Cooking, cleaning, working part-time, looking after the kids etc and the only thing she doesn't is the sexual side. Even that I can have more regularly 'if she has to'. Is that enough? I don't know. Is that because she's cosy with what she's got? I don't know.

She doesn't give you everything in her life. She's your wife. You were childhood sweethearts and she can't bring herself to tell you that she loves you. The cow can't even lie about it to spare your feelings. What she is providing, all that she is willing to provide, are the services of a housekeeper and no more. Is that a true marriage? Is that how someone who is supposed to cherish the very air you breathe would respond to your enquiries? No, I don't think I is.

abailey54

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

She doesn't give you everything in her life. She's your wife. You were childhood sweethearts and she can't bring herself to tell you that she loves you. The cow can't even lie about it to spare your feelings. What she is providing, all that she is willing to provide, are the services of a housekeeper and no more. Is that a true marriage? Is that how someone who is supposed to cherish the very air you breathe would respond to your enquiries? No, I don't think I is.

This.

The way you described it is that she is doing you a favour. Presumably you earning more working full-time (did you say 2 jobs?) brings enough money in to allow her to work part-time and therefore have more time to spend with the children than you and do more cooking and housework.

Don't know about you but the thought of having sex with someone with a bored, 'haven't you finished yet' look on their face is a less than attractive proposition

FBaby

Seanymph wrote: »

But some fellas just deal that way surely?

my OH rarely shares a 'maybe' scenario with me (or with anyone else) - he likes to line up all his ducks before sharing his possible plans, in business and in life.

he does research, considers his options, makes his opinions, THEN consults me.

I'm not sure what he'd do in the OP's situation, but I do know sometimes he doesn't share stuff with me because I'm a worrier, and he takes on responsibility for things to save me being stressed unless it becomes factual.

Doesn't that bother you? I personally would take it as a lack of trust on his behalf, that he would prefer to hide things from me because he didn't think I could cope/react appropriately/support him/advise him etc...

I would feel highly offended if my partner didn't feel he could rely on my support in such a stressful matter with me. That lack of trust would certainly put me off sex with him!