Why would someone's weight be up for discussing ?

victory

andygb wrote: »

I agree, I wouldn't want to fraternise with people who asked me questions like that. To say that they were "blunt" is an understatement. Perhaps some people get a lot of pleasure out of causing hurt, or ganging up to make some people feel even more miserable:(

That's the thread question really why would anyone want to hurt someone's feelings for what reason.

victory

TimBear wrote: »

Perhaps these women feel in some sort of competition? I know women like it - if someone puts on weight they (not-so-secretly) relish in that, whereas on the flip side if someone they know loses weight it can really affect them, in a childish/jealous sort of way.

Good point, no such thing as sisterhood solidarity then?:rotfl:

Hermia

daisiegg wrote: »

Not sure I agree with this....I have never witnessed someone saying to someone else 'oh you've got a very large spot on your chin!' or 'forget to shave your armpits today did you?'

Same here! I have never known anyone who is this blunt with others. Why would you want to make someone's day worse!

Joons

I suppose some folk will find it a topic of conversation, they can see it, so they can say it, it is a bit insensitive but I suppose they are being honest and not waiting until she leaves to start the gossiping, sometimes it can be a motivator to some folk if they are constantly told and asked. I would probably say to a friend if I noticed they have put a lot of weight on but I would try and be as diplomatic as possible, rather than pretending I hadn't noticed but was thinking it.

Hermia

pigpen wrote: »

Do you not see other women?

I saw my brother for the first time in 13 months a few weeks ago and one of the first things we discussed was a huge spot on his forehead.. it was named Fred.

You have seriously never discussed your 'winter coat' with close friends??

How bizarre! I am yet to be in a group of women who are in a room together for more than 20 minutes without the topics moving on from frozen peas to childbirth periods and weight.. What else would they talk about? lol

I don't have friends who talk about those things and we manage to have conversations with no problems! I have never understood women who cannot get through a conversation without mentioning their sodding womb or their piles!

TimBear

Joons wrote: »

I would probably say to a friend if I noticed they have put a lot of weight on but I would try and be as diplomatic as possible, rather than pretending I hadn't noticed but was thinking it.

But why would it matter? Not including major weight gain where health-issues could arise.

I have friends of all different shapes and sizes and it doesn't matter to me one jot what they weigh or what clothes-size they wear. Sure, I sometimes feel a bit envious of my slimmer friends, but not where it actually affects my life, and I would certainly never comment on a friend's weight.

When I was younger and slimmer, people used to say to me 'Gosh, aren't you skinny!', and it used to really annoy me and I remember thinking at the time that if I were fat they wouldn't dream of saying so to me. But apparently I was wrong and people actually do do that!

Hermia

Joons wrote: »

I suppose some folk will find it a topic of conversation, they can see it, so they can say it, it is a bit insensitive but I suppose they are being honest and not waiting until she leaves to start the gossiping.

You have to be quite confident in yourself (or thick skinned) to make those sorts of remarks though. The person could easily turn round and say, "well actually for a while now I have thought your hair colour looks ridiculous or your skin is really manky, but I didn't want to say anything, but if we're now being honest..." I think it would be disastrous if we started being totally honest with each other as I am sure we all have physical or personality characteristics that some people may not like. If someone's weight is clearly causing them health problems then a good friend would try and discuss it. But I can't see why anyone would want to spend time with a group of people who are going to discuss you like a lump of meat.

victory

TimBear wrote: »

But why would it matter? Not including major weight gain where health-issues could arise.

I have friends of all different shapes and sizes and it doesn't matter to me one jot what they weigh or what clothes-size they wear. Sure, I sometimes feel a bit envious of my slimmer friends, but not where it actually affects my life, and I would certainly never comment on a friend's weight.

When I was younger and slimmer, people used to say to me 'Gosh, aren't you skinny!', and it used to really annoy me and I remember thinking at the time that if I were fat they wouldn't dream of saying so to me. But apparently I was wrong and people actually do do that!

Exactly, I don't know or care how much weight my friend has put on or how much she weighed or weighs on the scales now, i wouldn't feel the need to ask her,why would any of that be any of my business?

It doesn't make her a better friend to me or a worse one, its nothing to do with me.

victory

Hermia wrote: »

You have to be quite confident in yourself (or thick skinned) to make those sorts of remarks though. The person could easily turn round and say, "well actually for a while now I have thought your hair colour looks ridiculous or your skin is really manky, but I didn't want to say anything, but if we're now being honest..." I think it would be disastrous if we started being totally honest with each other as I am sure we all have physical or personality characteristics that some people may not like. If someone's weight is clearly causing them health problems then a good friend would try and discuss it. But I can't see why anyone would want to spend time with a group of people who are going to discuss you like a lump of meat.

Lump of meat there's truth in that. I don't think my friends weight is causing her any health issues, as said its obvious she is larger, she knows it, it's visual ( giving people the right to comment? I think not) but its in no way obese or the new term morbidly obese, nothing extreme, just some weight gain.

Joons

TimBear wrote: »

But why would it matter? Not including major weight gain where health-issues could arise.

I have friends of all different shapes and sizes and it doesn't matter to me one jot what they weigh or what clothes-size they wear. Sure, I sometimes feel a bit envious of my slimmer friends, but not where it actually affects my life, and I would certainly never comment on a friend's weight.

When I was younger and slimmer, people used to say to me 'Gosh, aren't you skinny!', and it used to really annoy me and I remember thinking at the time that if I were fat they wouldn't dream of saying so to me. But apparently I was wrong and people actually do do that!

I would only say it to a friend I was very close to, I would imagine she would have spoke to me already about her weight if it was going up and down. It doesn't matter to me either what size my friends are but I would be lying if I noticed and never said anything, it just depends how comfortable you are talking about it. I certainly wouldn't be saying it to have a dig, I couldn't care less. My sister is good at this with me, she points out every single thing she feels is not right about me, I don't take offence as I know it is meant out of concern.