Awkward situation with a friend

andy.m_2

koalamummy wrote: »

This lady would I have no doubt whatsoever make an excellent mother and any child would be blessed to have her.

don't think this is true to be honest.
You cannot manipulate Children in any way or you stiffle their development.

C_Mababejive

OP..she is a dangerous user and she is trying to get in your head and manipulate you. Have nothing to do with her.

andy.m_2

If you still feel inclined to use your money to help, you could make a small donation to your favourite charity in her name instead of lining her pockets.


That way some good will come of this sick woman and her coniving mother and should she approach you at a later date you can give her the charity's thank you card.

The message should get through.

A good friend of mine cannot conceive, I have no doubt that she suffers such hurt and inward pain however she is nothing but nice to us her friends with children.
this is a lady I would wish to help and do you know what, I doubt she is the type to ask for it!

Amanda65

Hi OP

I have just sat and read this whole thread and started feeling extremely annoyed on your behalf, saw a glimmer of hope (albeit for the wrong reasons) to resurrect your friendship and now feel very sad that your good nature and wish to have your friend back in your life have been crushed.

I am extremely lucky in that I have never experienced the heartache and pain that I can only begin to imagine must go with being unable to have a baby when you want to. I can however empathise with the loss of a friendship and the feeling that you have been 'punished' for something that was not your fault as my 'best friend' of 40 years and I have not spoken for nearly a year. Her OH behaved appallingly at a party at our house (including head butting my 15 year old son amongst other things) and she sadly over the course of about 10 months chose to change her mind and believe his version of events (which was that my son was 'lairy' and rude - he wasn't - and we should be ashamed that DS was rude to a guest in our house) and said that unless we accepted her OH back into our home we could not continue our friendship.

Despite how she has treated me, despite the fact that I honestly thought she knew me well enough to know I would not lie to her, I still miss her dreadfully and there is a hole in my life. We have shared so much together, she was my maid of honour and is eldest DD's godmother. I would give anything to have her back as a friend but know that a line has been crossed and I have to move on. By all means feel sad that the friend you thought you had is no longer in your life, but do not be sad that the person she has become is not.

Just a thought as well - how much does SHE actually want this baby and how much is it a desire to provide her mother with the much requested grandchild?

victory

koala I hope you and your kids are well today. Just think about them and your family, let all the negatives go and keep all your loved ones close:D

Your ex friend is not one to be thought of

mellymoo74

I agree,
Your going to grieve for the lost relationship you had with her before.
Remember that 2 years have passed and she is not who you remember.
You are a lovely person. I hope your ok today.

Saturnalia

andy.m wrote: »

don't think this is true to be honest.
You cannot manipulate Children in any way or you stiffle their development.

Just look up the thread on this site for adult survivors of narcissist mothers and you'll learn what sort of mums they make and how their children are still suffering in adulthood!

Gavin83

The story about "realising what the problem is and next time the IVF will work" - it's crap. She just wants another go.

The story about "everyone has given me money but you" is crap, they haven't. Maybe a few people but not everybody. Even if they have she really screwed you over, you owe her nothing.

I think meeting her at all was a mistake but I can understand why you did it and I hope it at least provided some closure. I guess it's similar to giving a relationship a second chance when you know it won't work. However it'll make her a lot more difficult to get rid of now.

Don't be a doormat, if you give her any (and I mean any) money you'll look like a complete mug, they'll laugh at you behind your back and frankly I'll be pretty angry with you. I know that doesn't mean much but you'll likely be angry with yourself too when your unable to give something to your family because this leech took it instead.

I don't think IVF should be on the NHS at all to be honest but once someone uses up their 'turns' they should fund their own treatment. If they can't they should wait a bit longer.

Just be strong and tell her this isn't gonna work and then ignore further contact.

nickj_2

if she needs to borrow money to pay for her treatment , how is she going to pay for tyhe child's upbringing .

barbiedoll

I too, hope that KM is ok today and is not thinking too much about the meeting with this awful woman and her grasping mother.

I'm sure that I'm not the only one who finds the whole concept of IVF funded by "contributions" from friends, absolutely outrageous.
It's different from say, accepting money from your family or friends IF OFFERED but to blatantly ask for handouts is rude and ungracious. My brother was very wealthy at one point, as was my best friend but I wouldn't have dreamed of asking either of them for money for anything, let alone IVF treatment. I can understand the desperation of the childless but let's face it, until a few years ago, there was no treatment available but childless women didn't all go mad with grief, they got on with their lives. It does sound as though this woman has been under immense pressure from her own mother but that is not OP's problem really, is it?

Losing a longtime friend is always hard, in many ways it's the same as the end of a marriage. You feel grief, sadness, that feeling that it may just have been all your fault, etc etc. I had to let my friend of over 30 years go, it wasn't a hard decision by the end, I'd had enough (she's an alcoholic) and even now, I miss her but not enough to offer the olive branch. My life has a "best friend" shaped hole in it but I haven't regretted my actions for one minute. Life moves on, OP, you should too. Don't speak to her any more, don't accept her calls and don't feel any guilt about her situation, money will never repair this friendship.
And sadly, it probably won't buy her a baby either.