Awkward situation with a friend

Jox

I was just offering an option, a polite way of saying no (the "friend" doesn't need to know the details, just that the money is tied up and unavailable, the conditions of the account are none of the "friend's" business).

To be honest, it's none of the "friend's" business how much money KM has or doesn't have or if the money has been saved up or been "blown" over the past 2 years on holidays and fancy restaurants.

The issue is that KM does have some money saved up and thinks she can contribute to this person's happiness by giving some of it or all of it away (it won't be paid back ever) - and in all probability it won't make this person happy, won't repair the friendship and may not bring a baby into the world.

Hopefully KM won't be put in the position of having to say no and the "friend" will see error of her ways and not ask for it again.

Lilith1980

I agree that saying 'no' is the best option, and don't leave any openings as she will no doubt exploit them.

And what is the worst that can happen if you say 'no' OP?

Your friend can cut contact and not speak to you again.....oh wait...

Sus1e

Koalamummy - I just wanted to say how well you come across in this thread.

You are the type of person anyone in their right mind would treasure as a friend.

I only wish I knew you in real life!

FatVonD

OP, you need to read up on how little financial help you'll be given should, God forbid, your DH ever be injured in service and then you won't even consider letting her dip into your nest egg.

My son was conceived via IVF and I hated seeing pregnant women, especially ones that were smoking or drinking or women smoking around the kids they already had but I never begrudged my friends their kids, after all, I didn't want *their* kids, I wanted my own! I would never have dreamed of asking them to fund my IVF either!

C_Mababejive

The best place to borrow money is from a bank/BS/finance co/credit union. If non of them will lend then clearly the potential lender is a bad risk so why would anyone else lend them money with no guarantees ?

Whattodonow

If you want to give your friend the benefit of the doubt, it is a hideous experience to struggle with fertility, especially when others close to you find it easy to conceive, it does feel very unfair. So she might have just been havin a major flip out with the stress of it all, as selfish as it seems, the situation can send you loopy. Sounds like you got the brunt of this.

However I would still expect and apology. I would not advise lending moment between friends, but I'm sure she would appreciate your support if you did want to build bridges with her.

Whattodonow

Oops just read entire thread and actually she's sounds rather too bitter to build a relationship with. Ignore my previous post!

meritaten

Whattodonow wrote: »

Oops just read entire thread and actually she's sounds rather too bitter to build a relationship with. Ignore my previous post!

This is why its unanimous that the rest of us feel koalamummy should NOT lend her money!
I get the feeling that this woman is going to be a bitter, jealous woman all her life - even if she is successful and has a baby. Cant you just see her two years down the line? either it will be moans she cant afford a holiday/flash car/ new house or she will think 'everyone else has two or three kids - I must have another one' and the round of IVF will start again! and who will be first on the 'Please give/lend me money' list? we know who dont we?

koalamummy

Again thank you everybody for your input it is very much appreciated. In answer to a few posters who have asked why I feel a responsibility for this ladies happiness my answer is I really don't know. I have thought about a lot for a good few days now and all I know is that I feel incredibly guilty that somebody seems to envy my life.

It is seriously not an aspirational one at all and I never meant to make anybody feel that way. Please don't misunderstand I love my life but I would not wish many of my life experiences on anybody. Nothing I have now came easily at all. Years of huge effort and perseverance went into every aspect. Admittedly I tend to down play the bad bits as I was taught to deal with negatives not dwell on them and to do it with a smile on my face. An example being that as a student I had to fund a field trip which left me with no food money for a good few weeks. I tackled this by buying a 5kg bag of pasta and a very cheap block of cheese and had that for every meal, I dealt with this by insisting that my friends help me find at least one pasta related joke per day, by the end of the third week the joke was actually trying to find a joke. I worry that I have managed to mislead her all of these years into believing it was all perfect.

I know that if my husband was injured or worse in the line of duty we would as a family be discarded like yesterday's rubbish. Harsh but true. In this respect we are fortunate as I have a profession and would be able to take over as the main/sole earner. We are lucky just now that it is an option for me to work part time, but if that option were to be removed we would certainly survive it.

It is a brilliant idea regarding bonds, but I think that would make me a truly not very nice person as I would then deliberately be making myself unable to help. Not sure I could cope with the guilt.

Molly41

You need your money for you and your family. Last year I leant some money to a friend. In a year things have changed dramatically and I have been begging her for the return of this money. I has totally ruined our friendship and i want nothing more to do with her.