Awkward situation with a friend

tesuhoha

koalamummy wrote: »

Again thank you everybody for your input it is very much appreciated. In answer to a few posters who have asked why I feel a responsibility for this ladies happiness my answer is I really don't know. I have thought about a lot for a good few days now and all I know is that I feel incredibly guilty that somebody seems to envy my life.

It is seriously not an aspirational one at all and I never meant to make anybody feel that way. Please don't misunderstand I love my life but I would not wish many of my life experiences on anybody. Nothing I have now came easily at all. Years of huge effort and perseverance went into every aspect. Admittedly I tend to down play the bad bits as I was taught to deal with negatives not dwell on them and to do it with a smile on my face. An example being that as a student I had to fund a field trip which left me with no food money for a good few weeks. I tackled this by buying a 5kg bag of pasta and a very cheap block of cheese and had that for every meal, I dealt with this by insisting that my friends help me find at least one pasta related joke per day, by the end of the third week the joke was actually trying to find a joke. I worry that I have managed to mislead her all of these years into believing it was all perfect.

I know that if my husband was injured or worse in the line of duty we would as a family be discarded like yesterday's rubbish. Harsh but true. In this respect we are fortunate as I have a profession and would be able to take over as the main/sole earner. We are lucky just now that it is an option for me to work part time, but if that option were to be removed we would certainly survive it.

It is a brilliant idea regarding bonds, but I think that would make me a truly not very nice person as I would then deliberately be making myself unable to help. Not sure I could cope with the guilt.

You must ask yourself if she feels guilty about asking you to part with your hard earned money. She sounds like a nasty manipulative person and giving her the money doesn't make you into a nice person. It makes you into a weak one. Please don't be a soft touch. This woman has no intention of being your friend. She is manipulating you into thinking you owe her and you don't - you don't owe her anything.

Her failure to produce children has nothing to do with you whatsoever. Anyway, does the world need more children bred by the likes of her. I think not. Look what her mother produced.

I think it would be better if you took that money and blew the lot on a world trip rather than give it to her.

I think all this wavering is all the more reason to buy the bonds.

tesuhoha

Please listen to the posters on this thread. Not one has advised you to give her the money. Listen to some SENSE!

tesuhoha

Koala mummy, if you want to be a nice person, put your family first.

koalamummy

Please don't worry I am going to. After re reading my last post I have finally realised what a complete idiot I am being

I know that that I am being taken for a complete fool by somebody who knows all of my weaknesses well enough to use them against me without me actually being bright enough to realise it.

meritaten

I wonder if you have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility Koalasmummy? I tend to be a bit like this - comes from years of being the oldest child and was responsible for my siblings! all thier lives I have felt that any accident or bad behaviour was down to me as I was supposed to be 'the oldest and should have been watching them'! took me years (and having kids of my own) to realise that it wasnt my responsibility - but mums!
Thats carried over and I still feel I am responsible for everything! I do try to reason things out with myself and can usually convince myself that if (a) happens when I am nowhere near - it wasnt my fault! (b) someone elses behaviour is NOT down to me - I dont control their mind!
We havent convinced you yet have we Koalasmummy?
You are NOT responsible for this womans happiness or her infertility.
So she knows you well enough to know you have a 'nest egg' - does that entitle her to take it off you and the kids? you said yourself if anything happens to your OH you would be right up !!!!!! Creek - we both know how good the Army are at taking care of injured service personell and their families!
You NEED that nest egg hun - its not a luxury you can give away!
Finally, I think she wants your life - not just your money! and she cant have it because she isnt you! she isnt a tenth of the lovely person you are - and that is why you have your life and she has HERS!

tesuhoha

koalamummy wrote: »

Please don't worry I am going to. After re reading my last post I have finally realised what a complete idiot I am being

I know that that I am being taken for a complete fool by somebody who knows all of my weaknesses well enough to use them against me without me actually being bright enough to realise it.

I'm relieved to hear you say that at last. I'm sorry, I wasn't being horrible - just exasperated.

meritaten

koalamummy wrote: »

Please don't worry I am going to. After re reading my last post I have finally realised what a complete idiot I am being

I know that that I am being taken for a complete fool by somebody who knows all of my weaknesses well enough to use them against me without me actually being bright enough to realise it.

you may be being taken for a fool! but, you are not! you were wise enough to listen to an inner voice which pointed you here. you have listened to us and put your views across very well! a Fool you are not - and I would say that even if you had lent her the money!
As it is, I am so relieved that you have seen for yourself how manipulative this woman is! if ever in doubt - go back and re-read the whole thread!
I wish you and your family all the best - and hope that time flies by until your OH is home! and if you remember, please show him this thread because I have the awful feeling she has stayed friends with YOUR OH for a reason!

Lilith1980

koalamummy wrote: »

It is seriously not an aspirational one at all and I never meant to make anybody feel that way.

Hi OP, like I mentioned in my previous post, no one can make anyone feel a certain way.

You did not make your 'friend' feel the way she does - SHE feels the way she does, period. Whatever she feels about your life, however misguided as she doesn't seem to appreciate the struggles you have had, is HER problem and her responsibility.

She has done a good job of making out like HER feelings are YOUR responsibility. Very childish.

I'm glad you are starting to feel differently and that you will not be giving her any of your money. She needs to take responsibility and find her own way in life, just like you have x

victory

koalamummy wrote: »

Please don't worry I am going to. After re reading my last post I have finally realised what a complete idiot I am being

I know that that I am being taken for a complete fool by somebody who knows all of my weaknesses well enough to use them against me without me actually being bright enough to realise it.

No need to be harsh on yourself:D your ex friend has years worth of manipulating behind her to know which strings to pull, that says more about her than you, a friend would do that to their friend? No they wouldnt:eek:

You are not responsible for her life, her feelings, the way her life turned out, the way she is/ has become . She has to deal with that, not you.

I hope she doesn't get in touch again

shop-to-drop

One of the differences between you two is that you positively focus on what you have in your life and make the most of them making light of the problems not even thinking about what you don't have. She negatively focuses on the things she doesn't have in her life resenting others if they do have them. She wants everything, she probably had 'everything' as a child. She ignores what she does have.