Awkward situation with a friend

Funky_Bold_Ribena

koalamummy wrote: »

Neither do I have. I have known them both for most of my life and never ever expected anything remotely like any of this to happen. I certainly never saw it coming and am still trying to work out where it all went so wrong and what I could have done to cause it.

Probably nothing. Getting pregnant and being an astute saver seems to have really wound her up big time.

Please don't loose too much time over thinking this.

fluffnutter

koalamummy wrote: »

Today did not go anything like I expected at all. Have to admit I was kidding myself about how everything was going to work out in the end. Looks like I should have listened to you all as you could all see the situation for what it really was rather than how I wanted it to be.

It was lovely seeing her and catching up some more but it became evident quite quickly that she would be happy to reestablish and tolerate my friendship as a means to an end rather than any great desire for my company.

Don't be too hard on yourself. You needed to find that out for yourself despite what we all say. At least now you'll be clear on what your response should be.

fluffnutter

koalamummy wrote: »

I was a complete coward and told her to call me later in the week.

Sometimes it's easier to leave things like this. Don't worry about it - just don't answer. Don't answer her calls, her texts or any other attempts at communication she might make. Ever. You don't have to explain yourself. Just cut all contact.

marmitepotato

fluffnutter wrote: »

Sometimes it's easier to leave things like this. Don't worry about it - just don't answer. Don't answer her calls, her texts or any other attempts at communication she might make. Ever. You don't have to explain yourself. Just cut all contact.

I totally agree with this.

shop-to-drop

fluffnutter wrote: »

Sometimes it's easier to leave things like this. Don't worry about it - just don't answer. Don't answer her calls, her texts or any other attempts at communication she might make. Ever. You don't have to explain yourself. Just cut all contact.

Agree, like what she did with you for the last two years. So no need to feel guilty about it.

meritaten

oh Koalamummy! I never wanted to be wrong so much as I did today! I was really hoping you would come back and say 'she never even mentioned money'! I would have advised caution and proceeding slowly!
now - I have to agree with FluffNutter! dont ever answer to her again! she even has you thinking that you caused this situation! It was 100% HER!

I do hope that you can put this behind you - at least you had the wisdom to come and ask for advice from the forum - I hope that we helped as your OH is away and wasnt available! and the advice to show this thread from exarmy was spot on - he needs to know and he should know before logging on to his game!
You are such a lovely person I am sure that this woman is the loser - your friendship would be an asset which is priceless - just wish I had one like you!
Blessings
meri

edit - on reflection, I WOULD send one final text saying 'I am NOT the complete fool you take me for, please never contact me again'.

bagpussbear

I've just been catching up on everyone else's posts in this very interesting thread - I too had been praying that you wouldn't give this awful woman the money!

I know the meet up with her was unpleasant for you, but so so glad you have woken up to her nonsense. Her problems have never been your problems, and she has tried to manipulate you and put you on some sort of guilt trip.

Good on you for seeing her for what she is. If you still feel uncomfortable with any more contact, then IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE her!

suki1001

You know, I was thinking Koalamummy, that your "friend" sounds a bit like a "friend" I knew. I wasn't friends with her for long, but her behaviour was very manipulative. She relied on the fact that I would feel sorry for her - feeding me with her tales of woe. We paid for her dog to be put down, because she was old and dying. I forked out for several other things and she had this serious issue that we had more money that her. She resented the fact we had more money than her (we weren't rich btw) and would guilt trip me into buying things (stuff i wouldn't have bought for myself). The final straw was when she moaned on about some expensive foundation and her trick worked - I bought it. She took it out of the bag and straightaway started complaining that her feet were hurting because she needed new shoes.

My oh received a phonecall and she was crying that her and her boyfriend had received a parking ticket - he wondered why she was phoning then it clicked. All the time she was plotting behind my back and complaining to everyone about how awful I was.

Anyhow she guilt tripped her way into my life and I was sucked in for a while. She was my best friend when she thought I was going to pay for everything. Maybe I was stupid, but she was very manipulative and could have done an awful lot more to help herself. I'm not saying your friend could and she is in a bad place, but sometimes you have to cut your losses - there is every possibility you would end up forking out for more and more.

sweaty_betty

koalamummy wrote: »

Neither do I. I have known them both for most of my life and never ever expected anything remotely like any of this to happen. I certainly never saw it coming and am still trying to work out where it all went so wrong and what I could have done to cause it.

I'm sure you've done nothing to cause this. It's easy for people to see others' lives through rose-tinted glasses when things are not going right in their own lives - as you've said, they seem to have conveniently forgotten all the difficulties you've had. You know the truth and also how careful you've been to save up money so you and your family have a secure future - don't be made to feel guilty for forward thinking and planning, and looking out for your family.

All I can think is that they must be pretty desperate to try on a stunt like this - and have a real nerve to attempt to put the pressure on.

I'm all for giving people many chances, but for me she's completely blown it. Block her number, or delete it, or something, but please don't have any more to do with her - for your own mental health and self worth.

Soubrette

I too would cut this woman out of my life however I actually feel sorry for her. She is obviously desperate enough for money that she tried to mask her obvious jealousy of you and was willing to contact you at presumably some pain to herself.

However, these people are toxic, even though it's not necessarily their innate characters. I feel sorry for her but I would not have someone like that in my life. I had an old school friend who was similar and for over 20 years I put up with her and helped her but she just got more and more bitter to everything so in the end enough was enough. I don't hate her and I feel sorry for her but she is not a very nice person to know and I felt that sympathising and helping her was just making her worse by enabling and normalising that behaviour.