Awkward situation with a friend

KxMx

koalamummy wrote: »

Money seemed to be a central factor in our meeting. I picked where we were having lunch as meeting up was my suggestion, admittedly not the cheapest place in town but it is a particular favourite of mine.

Her first comment after saying hello was that she couldn't believe I had there as some people have far more worthwhile things to waste their money on. I should maybe have been a bit more sensitive in that respect but as I had invited her there I had always fully intended on paying.

She did most of the talking to be honest and went through everything she had told me last night in far greater detail. Lots of throwaway comments about how someone like me would never understand/wouldn't have a clue what is was like. Which is true I dont.

They have used up their NHS treatment allowance and exhausted every source of finance for private treatment, but have just had a bit of a breakthrough where they know what has caused the failures. I asked about this but got the response that it was something simple that had needlessly cost them the earth. Her belief is that this treatment episode will be different as they now know what to do to make it work.

They have received contributions from everybody they know except my OH and me and she was hoping that we could make up the shortfall so that they can have the treatment. She never actually said how much it is that they need though I did ask. The impression I got was that the others had gifted it rather than lent.

I however am no doubt whatsoever that I am a completely wasteful spendthrift as I heard it intimated so often

:eek:

So many things wrong with that, double guilting you- first of all that "everyone else" had contributed (probably a lie) thus making you feel obligated, then to say your money would then enable the treatment is just another way of manipulating you to give money.

Think how different the situation would seem if she had said "we are asking people for money to see about having another go".

Plus a call from someone offering to come round and add more pressure!

Sorry hun but you are well rid of this friend. Childless-ness does not excuse or make such behaviour acceptable.

I'm 25 and I have a long, long time (probably another 20 years before the menopause lol) to come to terms with the painful truth that I will never have kids. Would never dream in a million years of behaving in such a manner. I hide my pain and smile and shower friends with cards and presents when they have babies! Even though a little part of me dies when I go shopping for baby presents, areas which I otherwise avoid!

marmitepotato

Padstow wrote: »

I think this is taking it too far as there has to be a time of acceptance.
People left alone through bereavement or divorce seeing others in couples. The worst of course having lost a child and seeing those so joyful with one.
There comes a time when we have to accept our lot. it may also be that if she lost her bitterness and relaxed, she may conceive naturally, wouldn't be the first time it had happened.

I lost a child to cot death. At the time my OH and I were in the forces and living in Germany. There were three other ladies from our regiment that gave birth the same day/ week I did. I saw these ladies and their babies daily after I lost mine. I was dying inside, but I never ever once said anything hurtful to any of them. It wasn't their fault my child had died. Looking at prams, baby clothes, babies, toddlers was like a knife through my heart, but never ever did I take my misery out on anyone.


I am glad koalasmummy met up with her 'friend' now she knows she needn't bother with the friend any more. Who needs friends like that?

Padstow

koalamummy wrote: »

Money seemed to be a central factor in our meeting. I picked where we were having lunch as meeting up was my suggestion, admittedly not the cheapest place in town but it is a particular favourite of mine.

Her first comment after saying hello was that she couldn't believe I had there as some people have far more worthwhile things to waste their money on. I should maybe have been a bit more sensitive in that respect but as I had invited her there I had always fully intended on paying.

She did most of the talking to be honest and went through everything she had told me last night in far greater detail. Lots of throwaway comments about how someone like me would never understand/wouldn't have a clue what is was like. Which is true I dont.

They have used up their NHS treatment allowance and exhausted every source of finance for private treatment, but have just had a bit of a breakthrough where they know what has caused the failures. I asked about this but got the response that it was something simple that had needlessly cost them the earth. Her belief is that this treatment episode will be different as they now know what to do to make it work.

They have received contributions from everybody they know except my OH and me and she was hoping that we could make up the shortfall so that they can have the treatment. She never actually said how much it is that they need though I did ask. The impression I got was that the others had gifted it rather than lent.

I however am no doubt whatsoever that I am a completely wasteful spendthrift as I heard it intimated so often

I Don't believe her. If I approached my friends and family for sizeable gifts or loans, some would say no for whatever reason.

Statistically only a % would donate. In fact I doubt she even asked them. Are you sure she wants this for IVF? I'm doubting it.

Erinnire

Oh Koalamummy,

I'm sorry the day went so badly. I can't anything any different to the posters before me but I hope this gives you closure on it and you can move on now with your head held high knowing that what happened is nothing to do with you, and all to do with her own issues.

CH27

koalamummy wrote: »

Money seemed to be a central factor in our meeting. I picked where we were having lunch as meeting up was my suggestion, admittedly not the cheapest place in town but it is a particular favourite of mine.

Her first comment after saying hello was that she couldn't believe I had there as some people have far more worthwhile things to waste their money on. I should maybe have been a bit more sensitive in that respect but as I had invited her there I had always fully intended on paying.

She did most of the talking to be honest and went through everything she had told me last night in far greater detail. Lots of throwaway comments about how someone like me would never understand/wouldn't have a clue what is was like. Which is true I dont.

They have used up their NHS treatment allowance and exhausted every source of finance for private treatment, but have just had a bit of a breakthrough where they know what has caused the failures. I asked about this but got the response that it was something simple that had needlessly cost them the earth. Her belief is that this treatment episode will be different as they now know what to do to make it work.

They have received contributions from everybody they know except my OH and me and she was hoping that we could make up the shortfall so that they can have the treatment. She never actually said how much it is that they need though I did ask. The impression I got was that the others had gifted it rather than lent.

I however am no doubt whatsoever that I am a completely wasteful spendthrift as I heard it intimated so often

I don't believe her.

I think her & her mother are horrors & I would have no further contact with them.

Padstow

CH27 wrote: »

I don't believe her.

I think her & her mother are horrors & I would have no further contact with them.

Perhaps this is the new scam after we got wise to the Nigerian money/parcel waiting etc. etc.

peachyprice

koalamummy wrote: »

Her mother called and asked if I had said yes yet, then when she received a negative response she actually stated that she was in town and could drop by at the restaurant if she was needed. Her mum is not a softly spoken lady by any means and iPhones are not the most private devices so I couldn't help but overhear although I had my head almost in my handbag loudly searching out my insulin pen and needles even though it had been in my hand from the call was answered.

I have never been so greatful to son for vomiting in totally inappropriate places as it gave me means for escape.

Oh. My. God. That is outrageous. You can tell where she gets her callousness from.

I hope you gave your son the biggest hug ever, he'll never know what a mess he saved you from, bless him.

koalamummy

peachyprice wrote: »

Oh. My. God. That is outrageous. You can tell where she gets her callousness from.

I hope you gave your son the biggest hug ever, he'll never know what a mess he saved you from, bless him.

I actually went straight to the Disney store and bought quite a few toys for him and his baby sister and will be getting Xbox points for their older brother tonight. The car park I used is attached to that shopping centre so I wasn't really wasting much time in getting back to them though.

Teenie_D

Oh my god I am raging for you, what a pair of manipulative cows! :mad:
Whatever you do please do not let her harass you for the money, or guilt trip you any further. I reckon she thinks she might be in with a chance and may just start hassling you. I would send a text saying your sorry but you won't be giving her any money, she has made it clear she doesn't want any sort of friendship with you and you would rather just forget all about it - although I reckon your too nice a person to do this, just stay strong, especially if she has her mother siding with her.

I felt sorry for her before but this just takes the pee, she is NOT a nice person and I too would question what the money is for!

victory

koalamummy wrote: »

I actually went straight to the Disney store and bought quite a few toys for him and his baby sister and will be getting Xbox points for their older brother tonight. The car park I used is attached to that shopping centre so I wasn't really wasting much time in getting back to them though.

It's done, you know she is an awful person and as for her mumeek:

I'm another one that doesn't believe everyone contributed, in these times it's highly unlikely every person asked would have the money to lend, they just wouldn't