Awkward situation with a friend

GeckoGirl1985

Dear OP,

The fact that you have said that you are feeling anxious about her calling you tonight suggests to me that this person may be a bully and is going to try and intimidate you. I'm also wondering why she needs to 'borrow' money off you for IVF when (and please correct me if I'm wrong here) you get 2/3 cycles for free on the NHS? Has she already used these?

If this was me I would hear alarm bells ringing - this person suddenly appears back in your life begging for a large amount of money. Is she really in need of cash for IVF or does she have another problem? Debts? Balliffs? A drug problem? I wouldn't trust her.

I would suggest politely texting her back and telling her that if she is planning to call you in order to try and get you to lend her money then sorry, but that is simply not going to happen. Stay calm, and focused, and above all do not let her bully or guilt trip you. Make up an excuse or lie if you have to.

Infertility is a very sad thing (trust me, I know) but it is not an acceptable reason to 'use' people. I would never dream of asking someone to lend me money for IVF - when I am ready to try again I will save and pay for it myself.

koalamummy

I really have not got a clue about her current financial situation or why she is not borrowing froma bank as I have not seen her or heard from her in so long. Again I have no idea why they need to pay for private treatment as the last time I saw her she and her husband had an appointment the following day to see an NHS specialist who they had definitely seen several times prior to that. I used to ask about the appointments,as in how they went, but she would never discuss it so I didn't pry.

My DH will support anything I decide, but I would have much preferred him to be to talk to in person about it. He won't have been online for some time now and people will know that he is away as it is the only time he stops at least checking in with the game for more than a few days.

shop-to-drop

Please don't lend her the money just wish her well, accept her apology and say it nice to be back in touch.

balletshoes

koalamummy wrote: »

I really have not got a clue about her current financial situation or why she is not borrowing froma bank as I have not seen her or heard from her in so long. Again I have no idea why they need to pay for private treatment as the last time I saw her she and her husband had an appointment the following day to see an NHS specialist who they had definitely seen several times prior to that. I used to ask about the appointments,as in how they went, but she would never discuss it so I didn't pry.

My DH will support anything I decide, but I would have much preferred him to be to talk to in person about it.
He won't have been online for some time now and people will know that he is away as it is the only time he stops at least checking in with the game for more than a few days.

you do know your preferences count, with regard to your decision, more than your ex-friend's do? So if you would prefer to talk to your OH face-to-face about giving her money, then do that - wait until he is home to make the decision, and tell your ex-friend when she calls thats your decision at the moment, until your OH is home next.

meritaten

koalamummy wrote: »

I really have not got a clue about her current financial situation or why she is not borrowing froma bank as I have not seen her or heard from her in so long. Again I have no idea why they need to pay for private treatment as the last time I saw her she and her husband had an appointment the following day to see an NHS specialist who they had definitely seen several times prior to that. I used to ask about the appointments,as in how they went, but she would never discuss it so I didn't pry.

My DH will support anything I decide, but I would have much preferred him to be to talk to in person about it. He won't have been online for some time now and people will know that he is away as it is the only time he stops at least checking in with the game for more than a few days.

and you say that ex-friend is a member of this online team????? wellllllll - what a coincidence that she should be texting you now! (that was sarcasm btw).
Hun - she is after your money and knows that while your OH is away she is more likely to get 'given' the cash!

victory

koalamummy wrote: »

As far as I know myself and our children have never been mentioned or enquired about. I do have money that I could easily make available without in any way lowering our standard of living in any way as I have a fund for replacing kitchen and bathrooms running and as our house is only 2.5 years old I doubt I will need this any time soon.

In the early days I used to ask DH to say hello from me and ask her to call or come round but after a while I gave up as it wasn't getting anywhere. Her husband is quite a shy private person so I would never under any circumstances have felt it fair to involve him.

I am guessing it was a text as she is at work since she said she will call me after finishing. I have had the same mobile number for over 10 years and will probably have it for the rest of my life if possible. Everybody who knows me knows this to be the case so texting my number was not exactlly a stab in the dark.

I have not seen her at all in the last few years so can only assume that she didn't want to bump into me. We also or at least did live about 10 miles apart so unlikely to bump into each other by accident in the local supermarket.

THanks for the answers;)

You have you say available money, I understand that but you have available money for you, you saved it, it's for your family, for your hopes and dreams, for your kids driving lessons, for their holidays, for you and your husband for you all, not for anyone else.

Just because you have it does not in any shape or form translate that you lend it to a long lost friend, it is yours.

I know you say your DH is on your side and will be happy with whatever you decide but if I was in this situation I would be spitting blood that I had saved, I had looked at my future and made it financially safe only for someone that never cared enough about me for the last two years to come along and beg for money and take my money away that I had worked for:eek:

victory

http://www.money.co.uk/article/1006489-lending-to-friends-how-to-make-sure-you-get-your-money-back.htm

Read this, if you lend make sure you draw up a contract, if you have not seen her for 2 years, you lend her the money, will you see her again? If she has managed fine without you for 2 years, she does not need your friendship, she needs only your money, harsh but true, it is not about you, it is about her and your money

marmitepotato

The 'friend' is working, why can't she and her OH fund this themselves, rather than asking her friend who she verbally abused?

exarmydreamer

TeamLowe wrote: »

Exarmydreamer nhs does not fund ivf in all areas, it's a postcode lottery. Plus the cut off age may have been reached, or she may have had the nhs round, that failed, paid for 2,3,4 herself which failed as well

I'm not wholly convinced by the 'if you can't afford 6k upfront you can't afford a baby' argument as plenty of wonderful parents start out with much much less than that, although I can see the logic

I get the feeling time may be a factor, if she's desperate enough to ask for money and they've been friends for 30 years, the success rates for ivf reduce according to age x

Yes, agreed but you don't borrow off someone you have not spoken to or been even nice to for 2 yrs.

exarmydreamer

What happens if you lend her the money and the IVF does not work, Will she still pay it back?.

Not likely.