Awkward situation with a friend

koalamummy

gixer750 wrote: »

can i have a maserati and a ferrari please, i would make an excellent driver :D:D:D:D

Unfortunately my youngest son has already expressed his desire for a Pegani Zonda. :rotfl:

kelpie35

koalamummy wrote: »

My current viewpoint is that over the years people have called me far worse names, accused me of far worse things, and done far worse things to me, yet I am still alive and mostly happy.

I really wish I had your kind of attitude.

You are the type of person I admire.:A

poet123

I lost a really good friend under similar circumstances, and I didn't find out for years why. She had always said that coming from a large family she never wanted children and none of her close friends ever questioned that. Then, when we all began having children she simply disappeared from our lives, calls were not returned, excuses made why she couldn't meet up, eventually we all stopped trying.

It was only years later that I found out via her SIL that she had had every treatment known to try to have a child, and suddenly it all made sense.

I would have preferred her to rant and rave at the unfairness of it rather than remove herself from our lives. Yes, it may not be pretty or pleasant but I suspect until you have been there you should not be quick to judge the depth of feeling infertility can bring.

Purleygirl

This is a tough one for you, she has in the past been a good friend and you've known her for a long time. You miss how you once were together. However, there has been a two year gap and that's quite a long time to have no contact. I'd be concerned by the text. If she made no acknowledgment of the two years of not speaking, if she didn't ask how you were, if she didn't ask after your family, if she made no apology, no reason for not contacting then I would steer a very wide berth. She contacted you for one thing and for one thing only, money. To quote the dragons.. "for that reason I'm out".

mountainofdebt

poet123 wrote: »

It was only years later that I found out via her SIL that she had had every treatment known to try to have a child, and suddenly it be quick to judge the depth of feeling infertility can bring.

I can see where you are coming from ....


my sister (aleady had a child) apparently was trying for a 2nd but needed IVF to conceive .....when we all thought she wasn't interested in having any more.

However she wasn't as nasty to others who conceived 'easily'

fluffnutter

meritaten wrote: »

Nicki - do you really think that shouting and screaming at people is 'normal' behaviour?
People have said on here that they cannot bear to be around pregnant people or newborns as the feelings are so overwhelming - and yes I DO think that is not 'normal'. I applaud them for admitting this and do sympathise with thier distress - but, it isnt to my mind 'normal' behaviour. and yes, they do need help! I didnt mention mental illness - I wouldnt say it was a mental illness - I would say its an obsession which needs professional help.
btw - I wouldnt say that the small number of people who posted were representative of ALL women who struggle to conceive. so whether this obsession is 'normal' for all women I couldnt say.

It's not right to shout and scream. That's a separate issue about self-control. But to feel that you can't bear to be around pregnant women if you're struggling to conceive yourself? Yep, I'd say that's completely normal.

peachyprice

Nicki wrote: »

Anger is one of the seven stages of grief and coming to terms with infertility is grieving so I personally don't believe that one outburst of anger to a close friend means that an infertile woman is mentally ill.

I'm sure some women are affected in this way, and yes, they do deserve a sympathetic friend and forgiveness, what is not acceptable is to then not contact the friend you have kicked off against for two years and for that contact to be a request for money. THAT is not normal or acceptable, that is not the way friends, grieving, desparate or otherwise behave.

Teenie_D

The first time I read the OP my intitial reaction was :eek: god what a hard necked cow and there is no way I would reply, well I probably would but it wouldn't be nice!

I then started thinking about it and I actually feel trully sorry for your friend, she must be absolutely desperate to 'stoop' to levels that she is asking a friend she has ignored for 2 years for the cash to be able to have her own child. I have 2 children, both of them conceived relatively quickly and I know how lucky I am and I cannot even begin to imagine how it must be struggling to conceive.

I wouldn't however lend her the money, she is not asking for it as a friend, it is out of desperation and if it doesn't work (presumably it's for IVF) then I imagine either a) she would ask for more money or b) she would be unable to face you again, therefore your 'friendship' will go back to the way it was but with you being £££'s poorer!

Hopefully you and your friend will become friends again and I take my hat off to you for even contemplating lending her the money, you are a much better person than I am.

delain

Jinx wrote: »

To me it sounds like your friend has a major thing about you having your 3 children 'easily'. I do wonder if she has asked you for the money as you 'owe' it to her to help her as you have your 3 and you were such close friends, an extension of her final rant iyswim....?

This is exactly what I thought too! Almost liks she's built so much resentment up to the the OP in her head that she seems to be holding her responsible for her difficulty conceiving, to the point where she seems to think the OP should bankroll her treatment because the OP has three children and she has none.

I wouldn't give her any money.

OrkneyStar

Ignore, or if you do reply say something along the lines of:
'a bit surprised to hear from you after so long, we won't be able to lend you the money, but wish you every success with the treatment'.