Awkward situation with a friend

koalamummy

victory wrote: »

But surely she has friends, family that she can turn to?

A bank loan?

Without lending her the money you can still help her by listening, understanding, trying to sympathize, being there for her but you do not have to lend her the money, there are many other ways she can get the money

There is a big if in question here, but if she responds to my message I fully intend on doing a bit of a catch up before anything else. Selfish? Yes. However I am currently dealing with 2 severely dairy intolerant pre 5 refluxers, one of whom has spent a year being treated for food refusal.

I cannot comment on loans and such as I have had no contact for so long.

mountainofdebt

Nicki wrote: »

Anger is one of the seven stages of grief and coming to terms with infertility is grieving so I personally don't believe that one outburst of anger to a close friend means that an infertile woman is mentally ill.

OP you sound like a great friend. All you can do is judge your friend on how she is in the here and now. If the friendship has survived all this, the I think your friend is very lucky to have you in her life. But don't give her money, just your support and friendship.

I have a friend who I perhaps speak once to once every couple of months...but I know I can call on her and she me....at any time

The OP & her 'friend' doesn't sound the same.

MadDogWoman_2

Meritaten, when my friend told me she was expecting twins it was days after I had been informed by my consultant that as all other methods of assisted conception had failed I would be put on the IVF waiting list.

A woman just doesn't go from failing to conceive straight to IVF, there are a lot of other hoops to jump through first, drug therapy, artificial insemination, in between times there are innumerable blood tests, scans, surgery, and consultant appointments.

All of this chips away at you, the feeling of failure grows bigger every month, appointment, procedure.

I thank God every single day for my miracle.

I have family members asking if I'll have any more children, I shudder with horror, I cannot put myself, my husband and most especially my DD through it.

The feeling of being a failure as a woman is horrendous, I was born with my body to perform one main function I was 23 when I discovered my body had failed me, all I had ever wanted for as long as I could remember was a child.

I was happy and resentful at the same time that other women found it easy.

When I found I was expecting my DD, I rediscovered my faith in God, He obviously decided that I needed to come to terms with my infertility.

I had actually decided to stop all treatment and move forward with exploring adoption as God had decided that I was going to be such a good parent that I needed to help children who had not had a good start (I wanted a family group not a singleton).

meritaten

koalamummy wrote: »

There is a big if in question here, but if she responds to my message I fully intend on doing a bit of a catch up before anything else. Selfish? Yes. However I am currently dealing with 2 severely dairy intolerant pre 5 refluxers, one of whom has spent a year being treated for food refusal.

I cannot comment on loans and such as I have had no contact for so long.

my youngest was severely dairy intolerant koala - any cow milk products and he go into a severe asthma attack. I know how this can almost take over your life dealing with it. You have my sympathy! You are NOT selfish! far from it, I wouldnt even have messaged back - you are a nicer person than me!

hamish222

Hi
Just wanted to say that I think it is nice that even after not hearing from your friend that you have contacted her but I don't think you should give her the money.
I have had ivf (nhs) which was unsuccesful and also suffered m/c and late loss so know how heartbreaking fertility problems can be. But asking someone you have not spoken to for two years to pay for your ivf is unreasonable no matter what she has been through.
I also know someone who has had 9 failed ivf attempts so where do you draw the line.
I have never been unhappy for people around me having children. I refuse to allow my problems make me bitter and miserable.
I am now in adoption process as ttc long term puts your life on hold in a lot of ways and I did not want it to take over my life. I would have hated myself if I could not be happy for my friends and family enjoying and living life with their children.
If your friend needs ivf she should save to pay for it, take a second job or a loan or whatever is needed. To ask someone else to pay for it is out of order.

BitterAndTwisted

I'm with Meritaten: the behaviour of her friend which the OP described is not normal, it's borderline unhinged. I don't care how many other women have shared the same feelings: it is not normal. Sad, very sad indeed but not normal or average by any stretch of the imagination.

Jinx

To me it sounds like your friend has a major thing about you having your 3 children 'easily'. I do wonder if she has asked you for the money as you 'owe' it to her to help her as you have your 3 and you were such close friends, an extension of her final rant iyswim....?

purple.sarah

I know it hurts losing a friend but you don't need people like this in your life. Friendship should be give and take but how did she respond when you needed help? Ranted at you and ignored you for 2 years till she wanted something. What if she disappears again when she's got the money? The Lending money to friends & family thread shows the potential problems but this person is not even your friend.

balletshoes

koalamummy wrote: »

There is a big if in question here, but if she responds to my message I fully intend on doing a bit of a catch up before anything else. Selfish? Yes. However I am currently dealing with 2 severely dairy intolerant pre 5 refluxers, one of whom has spent a year being treated for food refusal.

I cannot comment on loans and such as I have had no contact for so long.

Selfish on your part? No, definitely not. I think you somehow feel that your old friend is justified in treating you exactly how she likes, and you'll be the one begging to be her friend again.

How could you even think, in the circumstances, that its selfish of you to want to catch up a bit on her life since she dumped you, before you give her money? Don't kid yourself, she's after your money, she couldn't give a monkeys about what you and yours have been up to in the last 2 years.

gixer750

can i have a maserati and a ferrari please, i would make an excellent driver :D:D:D:D