Awkward situation with a friend

pmlindyloo

I would like to know exactly what the text message said.

Was there any personal references to your past friendship? Was there a direct request for money or more of a 'if you have any to spare type thing'?

From some of the replies on here from those who have personal experiences it seems as if being unable to conceive can send you 'over the edge' and the described events are not unusual.

I don't know whether the OP's friend deserves all the criticism expressed here because I have never been in that position.

Certainly lending money to friends and family seems a bad idea in most circumstances and any money given should be seen as a gift.

If the OP wants to rekindle her friendship and is understanding and supportive of the circumstances of how it happened then she should do so.

It is always sad when true friendships end because neither one of the parties can reach out and try to salvage the friendship. In this case we have really difficult circumstances.

As an 'oldie' I really regret not making that extra effort to understand/forgive and make contact with old friends.

Just my thoughts.

FatVonD

TeamLowe wrote: »

Could you imagine if it didn't work? Success rates for ivf are around 25% so what if it doesn't work the first time, you'd be in an awful position where they would want more but you may not want to/have the money to lend. And what if they say 'we need 6k for the treatment' and it's all you've got but then the treatment plan needs to change and the cycle can't continue without another 500 for extra blood tests/drugs

Absolutely, and even if it does work is she going to be the sort of friend that's going to resent you because she had to have your help, OP?

I'd steer well clear.

motherofstudents

I can understand your wanting to get back in touch with your friend and missing her friendship - 30 years is a long time. I can also have some sympathy with her being upset but as plenty of people have said, why hasn't she contacted you to apologise first. Even if she then asked you to help financially. She is either very insensitive or this was indeed a mass text.

I would not respond but if you really feel you have to, then just wish her well but you can't help financially. If she wants you as a friend she will accept that and if she replies you will know where you stand. I would not give away your children's money.

Counting_Pennies_2

To me it sounds like your friend was very jealous and unhappy.

She has clearly been hoping for children, and unfortunately been unable to.

It must have been really hard for her to be happy for you and to go through all your delights of expecting your baby. I think she might have just snapped.

Then it has taken her a long time to get back in contact with you.

I don't agree with how she has been in contact with you, the way she has gone about it.

I just wanted to say that I had a very similar situation with my sister. She could not enjoy anything I went through in having my two children, was dreadfully frosty. In the end she adopted as she was unable to conceive and there will always be this unspoken gap between us, due to the ill feelings she had.

I think sometimes we can become like a bridezilla does in the run up to her wedding when we are expecting a baby, and expect everyone to want to live the joys with us.

tesuhoha

The question is why is she asking you to lend her the money and not the bank or credit card. Could it be because she expects you to give it to her.

If you give this woman a large sum of money the years will pass quickly and you can almost guarantee that you will want that money for one of your children and it will not have been paid back. Circumstances change and you may not always be in a position to save for them.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

Imagine loaning her the money and it not working, and then having to take payment back from her. Now, that's an awkward situation.

sedment

Unless you can afford to loose the money, I personally wouldnt. She has been a sh*te friend, kicking off when you could have done with some support dealing with preganancy that wasnt the easiest. Even taking a few days to get her head together, then coming and apologising would things have been the same? But to come back with a generic text asking for money is not on. Its tragic that some people cant concieve, but real friends wouldnt grudge you help and best wishes even though they were hurting and struggling to deal with the emotions that go with infertility.

MadDogWoman_2

koalamummy wrote: »

Thank you, I have no real knowledge of how you felt when you cut contact as have never been in this situation. However if you are able to I would really appreciate some pointers on how to re establish decent contact.

I have no issue with lending, or if it came to it, paying for treatment. Nonetheless I would like a bit more contact than a random text before I commited.

It hurt to have to do it, but I mentally counldn't be around people who weren't struggling to have children.

It was through my DH, as my friend is married to his friend, we were invited to his 40th. My friend completely understood why I withdrew.

Take contact in baby steps, the rant needs to be discussed and apologies made. Then catch up on what has happened in life with each other in between times.

Your friend needs to earn your respect and trust again.

BitterAndTwisted

In your place I wouldn't consider this situation awkward at all. At least not for me by any stretch of the imagination.

Any "friend" who had verbally abused me for reasons nothing to do with me or anything I had willfully done to her would be consigned to the "ex-friend" category quicker than you can say "Jack Robinson".

To be creeping out of the woodwork after two years of silence to ask for money is a damned cheek. And that's putting it mildly. I wouldn't give a fig about her reasons for having been angry, resentful and abusive. Real friends just don't do that kind of thing. Delete the message and forget about her. If she didn't think there would be a slim chance that you'd be weak and give in to her manipulative begging, she would have forgotten about you too. Have no doubt about that

Hermia

TeamLowe wrote: »

Could you imagine if it didn't work? Success rates for ivf are around 25% so what if it doesn't work the first time, you'd be in an awful position where they would want more but you may not want to/have the money to lend.

I can't imagine she would get the money back if it did work either. Presumably her friend would want to give up work or cut her hours to be with the baby she wants so much and I imagine she would find lots of lovely things to buy for the baby. Paying back money to a friend she couldn't be bothered to keep in contact with probably won't be a priority.