Awkward situation with a friend

Pthree

You sound like you really miss her!

Why not just say something like "It's great to hear from you, I really miss our friendship. I'm sorry, I cant help out with the cash at the mo but if you do need support in any other way then please give me a call. Whatever happens good luck!"

Even if it was a mass text, she kept your number, I think that means something and you have held out the olive branch.

What happens next is up to her....

P3

Sambucus_Nigra

koalamummy wrote: »

I have no issue with lending, or if it came to it, paying for treatment. Nonetheless I would like a bit more contact than a random text before I commited.

Really? But you are inconsiderate, heartless and thoughtless...or at least that's what she thinks of you. Would you rather she pretend to like you just to get your cash?

Callie22

I think this is one of those situations that won't end well whatever you do. I don't think it's a good idea to lend her the money - she's ignored you for two years, and is just getting in touch now because she wants cash. Where will it end? How many cycles of IVF are you going to be expected to pay for? And how is she going to treat you if the treatment fails? Will that be your fault too?

fluffnutter

It's very odd to think your friends should pay for your fertility treatment. It's even odder to just drop them a text asking for the money. What did it say? WE ND HLP 4 BABY. GIVE ME ££££. LOL.

How utterly, utterly bizarre.

ecgirl07

koalamummy wrote: »

Thank you, I have no real knowledge of how you felt when you cut contact as have never been in this situation. However if you are able to I would really appreciate some pointers on how to re establish decent contact.

I have no issue with lending, or if it came to it, paying for treatment. Nonetheless I would like a bit more contact than a random text before I commited.

i work with someone who is struggling to conceive and is going down the route of ivf and her basic mental state is "everyone in the world is having a baby to spite her" and everyone who talks about babies in the canteen/staff room/wider family circle is doing it to "spite her and show off their babies and taking the pi$$" because she cant. As her friends have babies reasons are found to stop contact because it is just too painful.

It is a horrible mindstate to be in, and as a friend who wont be having any babies so no threat its hard to give advice around because the "need to have a baby" things colours all thoughts, relationships and outlooks.

Your friend is crass to ask you for money but is also extremely desperate - there is perhaps no resurrecting your friendship until she has a baby but thats not for you to pay for.

tonyh66

Thank you, I have no real knowledge of how you felt when you cut contact as have never been in this situation. However if you are able to I would really appreciate some pointers on how to re establish decent contact.

I have no issue with lending, or if it came to it, paying for treatment. Nonetheless I would like a bit more contact than a random text before I commited.

Seriously? I'm so jealous of people who own BMWs, if you buy me one I'll be your best friend forever and never call you names. honest......

Do not give this woman any money you will regret it

Jox

Koalamummy, it's really sad, it sounds like you miss your friend but you can't buy back the friendship.

She felt she had the right to rant at you just because you had the "audacity" to have 3 children when she and others couldn't have one, how dare you!! (sarcasm in case it's not obvious ).

She was so good with your child it made you feel inferior? What sort of a friend makes their pal feel inferior? You are a 24 hour a day mum, she was just there for a couple of hours I imagine, it doesn't make her super nanny. I'm good with my nephew for a couple of hours but his parents are frazzled, doesn't mean that I should make them feel inferior.

You've got 3 kids and you're an avid saver? I'm in awe of you!

I'm struggling to conceive and my friend has 3 boys and goes for 10k runs, I'm jealous on both counts. She is a sensitive lady and I wouldn't dream of having a rant at her.

Sounds like your "friend" is bitter, jealous and disloyal to her friend and all the money in the world from you or anyone else won't change that.

I would hope that if I was getting in touch with someone after 2 years it wouldn't be with a request for money.

I would text her back saying good luck with the treatment but I'm not able to lend any money.

She can get a bank loan or put it on a credit card, you're not a bank!

bagpussbear

damn cheeky of that woman!

She was rude and nasty to you, and then ignores you for 2 years, now comes begging for money - eek! She has absolutely no respect for you, she simply sees you as some sort of mrs money bags, that should fork out for 'old times gone by'.

Perhaps the dignified thing to do would be to ignore ...... however personally I would be so so tempted to text back to tell her to stick her request where the sun doesn't shine, lol.

But I guess any response back to her, polite or rude, would prompt another text back from her, so I guess whether you should respond should be if you are prepared to get into a longer texting conversation perhaps?

fluffnutter

There's a really worrying dynamic in this relationship. Friend feels OP is in some way responsible and has a duty to help out, no doubt because she's found having her own babies relatively straightforward. OP, for whatever reason, feels guilty and thinks that lending the money is OK (whilst having misgivings about the way it's been requested).

There are some circumstances whereby helping out your friends in this way would be acceptable but having a hissy fit, ignoring someone for years, asking for a lot of money via a text out of the blue, and lending/giving the money out of some misguided sense of obligation make this particular situation anything but acceptable.

OP, steer clear of this woman. She will cause you trouble.

Nicki

OP - you said that all 3 of your pregnancies were "difficult". Did you share those difficulties with the friend.

It is hard to see friends conceive and give birth and conceive again while you still struggle to get off the blocks. It is 100 x harder when said friends complain how hard their pregnancies are, how much morning sickness they are having, etc whilst you would give your right arm to be in their shoes.

I've suffered from infertility in the past. I've never screamed and shouted at a pregnant friend, but would certainly have been upset and cut contact if a friend who knew I was struggling with infertility started to complain about pregnancy to me. (Though I wouldn't re-open it with a request for money 2 years later!)