Awkward situation with a friend

TeamLowe

Leaving aside the issues of her treatment of you, if there's one thing I would never lend/give money for its fertility treatment.

Could you imagine if it didn't work? Success rates for ivf are around 25% so what if it doesn't work the first time, you'd be in an awful position where they would want more but you may not want to/have the money to lend. And what if they say 'we need 6k for the treatment' and it's all you've got but then the treatment plan needs to change and the cycle can't continue without another 500 for extra blood tests/drugs

Don't get me wrong, if it worked it would be an amazing thing to do for somebody and I can appreciate their desperation to ask, who knows how many cycles they've already paid for but the emotions involved it's just too big of an ask of anyone. Maybe for my sister but even then I'd have reservations.

And whilst to an extent I agree with nicki and fbaby and that it's very hard to hear pregnant women complaining about their pregnancies when you're struggling, especially if they're on to a subsequent pregnancy when you're still trying for your first, I don't see it being the same with koalamummy it's not the usual 'oh gosh I can't drink for nine months and look how fat I'm getting' she had genuine medical issues that it would be very hard to envy even if you was desperate to have a baby yourself.
I'd like to think that if my friend or their baby was very ill in hospital I would find the strength to sympathise or at least keep quiet for a little while then apologise for staying away and come back when I was feeling better, not scream and shout at someone in a difficult situation then not speak for two years and come back and ask for money

Lilith1980

If she was a true friend, then contact would have been established to try and talk through what had happened regarding her rant. A true friend would not be in touch purely asking for money to fund her fertility treatment.

I don't know about your friendship and cannot appreciate how close you had been previously, however, I think it would be extremely foolhardy to lend this woman your hard-saved money...intended for YOUR children.

scaredy_cat

not read all the replies, but no contact in 2 yrs - she's no longer a close friend, and why doesn't she and her partner tap their family for the money for the procedure?

Basically, to sound harsh - it's not your problem and you might need your savings for your family.

and if you did lend them the money, i predict that you'd have problems with them paying it back!

lemontart

first thought flipping cheek of her to even ask 2nd thought do not lend money - firm believer in never a lender or borrower be - 3rd thought - see above

This_Year

Pthree wrote: »

You sound like you really miss her!

Why not just say something like "It's great to hear from you, I really miss our friendship. I'm sorry, I cant help out with the cash [STRIKE]at the mo [/STRIKE]but if you do need support in any other way then please give me a call. Whatever happens good luck!"

Even if it was a mass text, she kept your number, I think that means something and you have held out the olive branch.

What happens next is up to her....

P3

corrected that for you

This_Year

OP this is not a friend. I would not give my savings away to someone that has behaved as appallingly as she did. Her first contact, if she wished to rekindle the friendship should have been to wholeheartedly apologise for her un-necessary rant and to beg your forgiveness. Not to hold out the begging bowl.

CH27

She's a cheeky moo :eek:

OP if you lend her money you are bonkers.

pinkshoes

I thought that the NHS paid for the first round of IVF, and possibly more in some areas? (so if she's paying for it, she's already had her free round...)

I would text back and offer your emotional support should she need it, as you miss her friendship, but do NOT offer any financial help.

Her response will make it clear if she's just after the money or whether she wants to be friends again.

marmitepotato

I had a 'friend' of ten years, then out of the blue she stopped seeing me, phoning me, contacting me. I made several attempts to find out what I had done to receive this treatment and to see if I could make amends in any way. She never once bothered, so it turns out she wasn't my friend after all. It's about five years now since I heard from her, I still miss her, but do I want her in my life again? No, things would never ever be the same, and unsaid past hurts would hang in the air.

Hit the delete button OP, you don't need this woman in your life.

Desperado99

I really think it was a mass text and chances are she doesnt even realise that she's sent it to you. Don't put yourself through any anguish over it, and certainly dont feel obliged to text anything back x