Awkward situation with a friend

Erinnire

How bloody rude! Don't do it, you've had no contact for two years and the last time you spoke she was awful to you.

The money you have saved is for your family.

victory

The money you have said is all yours, for your family, don't give in, whether she knows your an avid saver or not, none of her business, keep it all.

Also agreeing it could have been a mass text how awful

victory

koalamummy wrote: »

I think that is part of the real problem....there was no falling out....just a one sided rant with no space for response and then no contact.

Please don't misunderstand I eventually got the hint.

However I always hoped this would not be the end of the road.

2 years have gone by and that's an awful long time....

Macca83_2

Even if you hadn't fallen out, Im not sure id be too impressed with being asked to help fund the conception of a mates baby. I can't put my finger on why id feel irked. But I think its to do with the fact that if you need to borrow money to have a baby then you're really not financially ready to have children.

Maybe Im being harsh?

kitschkitty

Macca83 wrote: »

Even if you hadn't fallen out, Im not sure id be too impressed with being asked to help fund the conception of a mates baby. I can't put my finger on why id feel irked. But I think its to do with the fact that if you need to borrow money to have a baby then you're really not financially ready to have children.

Maybe Im being harsh?

A very good point, and then what happens if it doesn't work & more funding is needed for another go...

I'm afraid I'm with those who say ignore her. I can understand why you would love the opportunity to reconnect and try to make good what went wrong, but it's all one sided she's not made any positive contact with you, and this message does seem either hugely crass or more sadly like an accidental inclusion in a mass send out. She's really not your friend any more sad to say.

MadDogWoman_2

Hugs x x

I've been in your friends position, a close friend had a daughter followed shortly after by twin boys, which she had just after I found out I would need IVF.

I recognised that I was insanely jealous, and I couldn't be around for her, and stepped away. We have been in contact since, she was over the moon for me when I eventually had my dd.

I wouldn't have dreamed of asking others to fund my IVF, we cashed in an endowment policy and put that in a bank account, just in cash our funded treatment didn't work.

I would wish her luck with her treatment, and not lend her the money.

koalamummy

MadDogWoman wrote: »

Hugs x x

I've been in your friends position, a close friend had a daughter followed shortly after by twin boys, which she had just after I found out I would need IVF.

I recognised that I was insanely jealous, and I couldn't be around for her, and stepped away. We have been in contact since, she was over the moon for me when I eventually had my dd.

I wouldn't have dreamed of asking others to fund my IVF, we cashed in an endowment policy and put that in a bank account, just in cash our funded treatment didn't work.

I would wish her luck with her treatment, and not lend her the money.

Thank you, I have no real knowledge of how you felt when you cut contact as have never been in this situation. However if you are able to I would really appreciate some pointers on how to re establish decent contact.

I have no issue with lending, or if it came to it, paying for treatment. Nonetheless I would like a bit more contact than a random text before I commited.

Moominmamma

To a certain point I agree with lostinrates - I struggled to conceive and, as much as I love them, it really was incredibly hard to see all my friends getting pregnant (seemingly effortlessly!) around me. In an ideal world I would have been blissfully happy for them, but the reality was, frankly, far from it.

If you haven't experienced fertility problems I think it's really hard to truly empathise with those who have, and on that level I think the posts advising you to tell your "friend" where to get off are perhaps a little harsh. However, I would like to think that if I had flipped out at pregnant friend in a jealous (hormonal?) rage in the past that if I truly valued the friendship I would have had the decency to apologise once I'd calmed down, and talk to my friend about how hard I found the situation in a rational mannner.

Two years is a long time. You sound like a lovely person, and if you can find it in your heart to forgive her and be there during what is inevitably going to be an emotionally draining period for her, then good for you, but I too would advise against offering any kind of financial assistance - that way at least you will be sure whether it's you she misses or just your wallet.

peachyprice

I she 'aving a larf?

You know where the 'delete' button it, use is. While you're there hit the 'block sender' button too.

busiscoming2

I understand she may have been jealous of your ability to conceive, but did she cut off all contact with everyone that has children?
She may have had a rant two years ago but IMO if she thought of you as a true friend she would have tried to build bridges sooner.

I think she just sees you as a bank. I'd steer clear. What happens if you lend/give her the money for the attempt and it fails? How many times would she ask?