family arguments! dont know what to do?its making me so sad

Deals_2

'the builder will come back if you apologise to him' unbelievable!!!

jussyc wrote: »

yes i never thought of the controlling theory , good one as they are good at giving although we NEVER ask,but also good at throwing it back in your face as well
we have taken your comments on about thanking parents and have made a point in every text about this, and also how we didnt want to fall out but the tiling is unacceptable
do you know the text back?
'the builder will come back if you apologise to him' unbelievable!!!

for one his work is awful , for two he threated to knock my husband block off and for three i dont care if i never saw him again!(i think earlier theory about builder playing us all off was a really good point)
so we txted back that we would not apologise as we still think we are right about the tiling(as do they really as they are still saying they arent paying him for this)
txt back even more unbeliveable ' ok i have talked the builder round and if you make yourselves scarce then he will come round and finish off but he doesnt want you in the house as he is so upset!!my god he was about 6ft 4 and 20st he hardly looked like someone who would cry if you said his tiling was cr*p!!!!!!!!!!:mad:
so weve txted back that we are grateful for everything but are not prepared to have to make ourselves scarce in our own home whilst a builder that has threatened us finished off a bad job, as hes still refusing that the tiling is wrong and isnt gonna fix it, and that we would get it sorted ourselves(god know how!) and if they would like the (long) list of jobs he hasnt finished so they didnt pay for the jobs he hasnt done to let us know, also the wood for cupboard , side and end panels to bath and shower fittings that we havent had are returned to mum and dad as they have paid for these , but we havent heard anything else

basically we are left with a huge hole in the bedroom wall, where they pulled the gas heater out and left a huge lump of concrete hanging out of the outside wall and then jsut shoved a half bag of plaster in it and said it wasnt their job!
the overflow pipe from shower falls directly on to back step
shower not been sealed so unuseable, skirting board left off,floorboards up and plumbing exposed, no pipes been boxed in as promised, cupboard half built in bedroom, no tiling done over sink , no cabinets put up , no side panels on bath
and of course the old chesnut The tiling in shower is CR*P ,cr*p,cr*p!!!!!!!!!!!!!:eek:
god this is driving me mad
so we are left with all the jobs undone and no cash to sort anything out

Deals_2

and as said as it is hurtful stuff when it involves family. i am trying to get to the bottom of my mum's real issues and i believe she is hitting 60, worried of being on her own, jealous that i have a family and a partner because she feels lonely, has a divorce case which has been dragging on for 8 years in french courts for a uk/french divorce. so i believe this is at the bottom of a lot of stuff.

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I have no further advice to offer about the bathroom, others have said it all, but if it was me I would not accept any more money from them for anything. The 'interest' you have to pay on it is too high, imho.

Good luck!

jussyc

after all this and the really hurtful email yesterday saying we dont have the work ethic etc and that we have broke up their marriage etc etc then i have just come back to a message asking if we could feed their cat whilst they are away!!!god my parents really do take the biscuit!!! :rolleyes: :mad:
plus had 6 different people in house , friends who do various bits of building etc plus people we have called up who we dont know and they have all said its a botch job, and we should take pics and call rogue traders etc , got couple of jobs sorted today, does anyone agree as he walked off job as he was so upset(boohoo)that we dont pay him for plastering? as someone has said today that tiling will need to come off and as he has tilied on fresh plaster and plasterboard that it may pull plaster and board off then its gonna cost us a fortune to put right
thanls deals for your comments:A

Karrie

I would get quotes on the rework and present them to the original guy to prove what a botch job he has done.

They could put "TO MAKE GOOD .............." which would prove just how bad his work is.

Just a thought. Good luck.

Errata

Don't worry - nobody, including you, is so powerful they can break up someone else's marriage. They do that themselves.

Miss-spent_2

I really feel for you, your home and your family are the most important things and you have trouble with both. I don't really have any answers but from experience I say beware of parents bearing gifts. My Mum was always very generous with money when we were a young couple starting out but how we paid for it! She felt she could comment on every penny we spent, it was like she had invested in us. As time moved on and we became better off, she resented our independence of her.
Maybe your parents need to be needed and helping you makes them feel this. Could you ask their advice how you can solve this together, perhaps uniting all of you against the builder? Is one of your parents more approachable than the other?

jussyc

Karrie wrote: »

I would get quotes on the rework and present them to the original guy to prove what a botch job he has done.

They could put "TO MAKE GOOD .............." which would prove just how bad his work is.

Just a thought. Good luck.

thats a great idea thanks as we have already spent over £100 this weekend just to sort the overflow pipe out and repair the huge hole left in the wall-cheersx

changkra

jussyc wrote: »

thats one of the worse things is that mum hasnt even seen the tiling, dad has said to the builder that hes paying for the job hes done so far , but not the tiling,(which to me he knows we are right but wont admit it)

but we are in the wrong as we have 'picked ' on the builder they have know for 2 years and they feel sorry for him, my parents do NOT feel sorry for anyone , they are not a little old frail couple thay are succesful business people and very young for their age, they are just blaming my OH , saying that he has been an arrogant ba***** , and said we would have nothing is it wasnt for them , as they are succesful and we both have low paid jobs and my husband doesnt work hard enough for us to have anything decent (hes a postman and im a healthcare at hospital)we really struggle financially but both now love our jobs
my hubby says he cant forgive them for what theyve said about him and cant go on holiday with them,as they are paying for that also, im stuck in the middle as they are great to us with money(even though we never ask)plus the kids (6&4)heard him say this and are so upset,
he says for us to go without him, but none of it will be the same and i think hes saying this now but really wouldnt be happy if we went without him, plus i just wanted us to all have a great time, its so awful im just dont know whats gonna happen

Aren't family's great, especially when it's over money :rolleyes: One thing you can do is take some photos of the bad work and post them to your mother with a letter saying how much you hate the thought of falling out with them both etc etc. I wouldn't accept shoddy work either, your mum and dad may actually be embarrassed that the builder has made a mess and just don't want to face it. As for them calling your husband lazy and being in a low paid job, now that is really hurtful, your husband must feel really bad about that. We all have to start somewhere, even your mum and dad did, maybe a little reminder there might eventually get him an apology. You may not have much money but you have each other and right now you're both pulling together, now, is your dad actually pulling together with your mum here? he may not be voicing it but remember he wont pay the builder for the bad work.:cool: hang in there

changkra

Deals wrote: »

in tiling . tiling is a very specialist area. a good tiler is hard to come by so not all builders will make a good job. this is what happened in partner's parents house who paid someone £150 per day for a tiling job and they have messed it up. they dont really dare tell him because it will be their future neighbour with the new house they buy. but basically where there is a ledge by the shower it should have a slight movement downward to avoid water clogging up there but the diy man did not know or do this. not worth £150 per day .

I had my shower done by a tiler years ago but we haven't been able to use it for quite a while now because it leaked, damaged the wallpaper in the room below and rotted the carpet as well as the ceiling coming down etc. Anyway my son has re tiled it and fixed it all up and its perfect, and all he used apart from tools was his B&Q book i bought him for Christmas a couple of years ago.

jussyc

had an awful nightlast night couldnt stop sobbing as i thought about reality of not going on holiday and impact on kids, cant blame hubby after whats been said for not wanting to go and he said hes understands for kids sake if i go as its already been paid for (£1750 for villa and £700 for flights) but he cant take another thing from them(as they paying for this also)
but also cant imagine getting on plane and leaving him behind either
either way i cant imagine having to tell kids as they are so excited, dd already getting vibes and keeps asking whats wrong as her mums been in such a state all weekend
cant see anyway forward with parents-they are so adamant its our fault for upsetting their builder
my sister was working for them when he did a shop refit for them and said she thought he was a compulsive liar
we have decided not to pay him for the plastering work he did for us as it is gonna cost so much to sort out tiling as one person said to us that as he has tiled on plasterboard when the tiles are pulled off it may pull this off also...