family arguments! dont know what to do?its making me so sad

Miss_Behaving

Trading standards can't do anything. I had a problem with the company who helped us move house - they damaged my new leather sofa trying to sqeeze it out through a door that was too small. Trading standards said that we could send them details but they don't have any power to do anything, only to collect evidence. The trading standards person I spoke to said they would need a significant amount of complaints (talking hundreds here) before they would even think about looking at any problems. I had to use the threat of legal action through the small claims court to resolve my problem with the sofa.

belfastgirl23

I think you should give up on the texts. I think if anything communicating like this can inflame things. I think if you went to see them it would be a lot easier ot sort things out. Are you closer to one or other parent? If so I'd see them alone first.

seven-day-weekend

I have no further advice to offer about the bathroom, others have said it all, but if it was me I would not accept any more money from them for anything. The 'interest' you have to pay on it is too high, imho.

Good luck!

Nicki

I think texting is also a bad idea. I also think if the job is that bad, your parents won't want to pay for it, if they really are hard nosed business people.

If it were me, I'd phone (or text if you must) my mum and say something along the lines of "I'm so upset about this row we're having. Can't stand not speaking. Please come round, and I'll cook you dinner so we can clear the air." Once you have them over your doorstep, its inconceivable they won't go and look at the bathroom and make their own minds up about what kind of a job has been done. If its as bad as you say, I'd be amazed if they continue to back their builder. If they do say that the builder has done an OK job you might have to ask someone completely independent for an unbiassed opinion, as maybe the job is not as bad as you think it is (don't forget things always look worse before the whole job is finished)

Depending on how you feel, you may want to have OH out of the way (working a night shift or something plausible and non-insulting)!

jussyc

i can tell the interest on this is the highest price i have ever paid
they have gone away for the weekend now , but ive had an email from Dad saying how nice it would have been for us to have a run up to the caravan and seen them if this hadnt happened, but then went on to say that they screamed at us for good reason as we never let the builder finish the job, believe me he came back and told us it was finished and it looked no better if anything worse as he had added a huge piece of beading that wasnt straight,
not everyone can posses the 'work ethic' and work as hard as them (my hubbys gets up at 4.30am wind,snow etc to be a postman and i yesterday got into the hospital at 8.20am , had 1 drink and finished at 6pm (also full of cold and feeling cr*p)
and the strain that this has put upon them has nearly ruined their marriage , god knows what they think its doing to mine (and my kids)!
plus
!

ailuro2

Can you not tile it yourselves? It isn't that difficult, honestly! Read up online, the main thing is to get the walls pretty straight and smooth first, and well prepared. Not much cost involved compared to hiring a cowboy builder.:mad:

And now you know, never let the parents offer to pay for anything again.

I had parents like that- they would never let anyone forget any 'favours' they did- or even thought they had done!;) so I never let them 'help'

jussyc

re tiling and making walls smooth etc being the hardest bit, that is the worse bit the walls had just been replastered so couldnt have been much smoother and he still botched it up
the builder came back last night and didnt speak just chucked everything of ours down the side of the house and left, which even though we're left in a complete pickle , i was so relieved i really didnt want him back,
the earlier poster who said it is common practice for builders to drive a wedge between families to ensure getting paid had a great point i think!
we have now got to pay for all the tiles to be knocked off and replaced which is gonna be a right job as the new shower and cubicle will have to come down as they are attached to tiling , also pay for new tiles , plus all the other unfinished jobs as mentioned in earlier posts.
he walked off the job unless WE apologised so even though we didnt have a problem with his plastering we cant pay him for that(as that was what we were paying for) as we now need to pay someone for all the tiling to be replaced etc etc....
Not heard from parents and not sure i want to after yesterdays email or i think i would fall out with them for good , and at the moment still want to resolve things if poss..
good thing is kids are being kept out of it as we ALL want and are going round as normal on monday cos none of us would ever let them suffer
even though my worst nightmare of them losing out might happen if we didnt all go on holiday....:(
as if this isnt bad enough i feel terrible with an awful cold and my new car(not brand new but slightly newer than my old car ) which i got on tues broke down on the way home from work..i sat in it suck in the middle of the road and dripped tears (but its fixed now at no charge)
oh well parents away,no builders here today ,hubby off so gonna try and chill myself out a bit today and try and not think about it all today ,sit in garden not look at house , and spend some time with kids as i also feel like a terrible mother as i havent had much time for them this week and have screeched at them for the slighest thing ..poor mites
things must be getting a bit better as i made it to 7.30am before i cried today, its been 6.30am all week -gosh what a nightmare!
thanks again everyone xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Deals_2

be the best way forward and at least it makes things clear.

Anniek1969 wrote: »

I know what you must be going through regarding your parents and your OH. My BIL goes through the same thing all the time with his GF's mother, nothing he ever does is good enough although he does everything he can for her and their son.

If your parents won't come round and see the tiling could you take pictures of it and take them round to them or would it maybe be possible to get one of the builders men to have a quiet word with your parents and tell them he doesn't think the jobs up to standard.

The holiday is going to awkward if you still aren't talking, if it was me I would tell them that if they are going to take the tiling issue as you being ungrateful then I would tell them that under the circumstances you feel that you couldn't go on holiday with them as the atmosphere wouldn't be good for the kids and that you think that it's really sad that the kids are going to miss out on a holiday all because of a builder not tiling a bathroom properly. Surely if they are both good business people then they'll know how to seperate a business matter with a personal one.

Deals_2

would agree with you.

dora37 wrote: »

To put the cat amongst the pigeons slightly...... just because your parents are giving you the money for the bathroom, surely doesn't mean that they should be so involved in the actual doing of the bathroom?

It should be a generous gesture, not a way to control an aspect of your life.

Deals_2

in tiling . tiling is a very specialist area. a good tiler is hard to come by so not all builders will make a good job. this is what happened in partner's parents house who paid someone £150 per day for a tiling job and they have messed it up. they dont really dare tell him because it will be their future neighbour with the new house they buy. but basically where there is a ledge by the shower it should have a slight movement downward to avoid water clogging up there but the diy man did not know or do this. not worth £150 per day .

jussyc wrote: »

thanks for all the comments, we feel too upset and hurt to speak to them at the moment, so are trying to communicate by text as things dont get as heated , just dont know how we can afford to get the jobs finished as low income etc ..apart from not paying him for the plastering as he walked off the job,as we were paying for the plastering , but dont know were we stand with that as the plastering was fine, apart from the big hole left in the outside wall !!had another 2 builders in today for quotes and they have both said the tiling and the hole look like something out of rogue traders!
just upset and unsure about what to do re holiday, just hope things blow over, im so upset about this as we have always had a good time with them and socialised and holidayed with them and i never thought it would come to this in a million years !
but a huge thanks to you all for your comments its been a huge support , i cant tell you how much as i have never addressed a problem like this before but will again , will keep you posted on any developments..