Help Me Win Back The Love of my Life

Pollycat

Captain_Charisma wrote: »

I need your help!!

Thoughts? Anything else I could do?

Aliasojo
The OP asked for help.

He also asked for thoughts.

And he asked what else he could do.

Is there any wonder posters are 'labouring' (your words) things now?

aliasojo

Tropez wrote: »

More than a few cases at work involving stalking have involved a jilted lover not willing to let go.....

Fact remains, we know nothing of these people.

For all we know, she might like this. It's irrelevant what others feel about it really, we are not her and we have no special insight into this any more than the OP knows about our relationships with our partners.

So...all we can do is advise. Some posts have gone further than just advice though.

I'm going to leave it there now, I'm quite uncomfortable at the leaps being made.

Dunroamin

unoriginal_uk wrote: »

For the 3rd time I REALLY must STRONGLY SUGGEST AGAINST delivering the last one by hand. You might get a slap.

Not that you'll listen but I have to say it.

If she's got any sense!

Captain_Charisma

aliasojo wrote: »

Fact remains, we know nothing of these people.

For all we know, she might like this. It's irrelevant what others feel about it really, we are not her and we have no special insight into this any more than the OP knows about our relationships with our partners.

So...all we can do is advise. Some posts have gone further than just advice though.

I'm going to leave it there now, I'm quite uncomfortable at the leaps being made.

I think she'll appreciate the gestures, it may very well not be enough to win her heart again but I think it would be appreciated, i wouldn't do it if I didn't think it would be

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

aliasojo wrote: »

C'mon Jo isn't that an assumption a bit too far?

What happened to the days of helpful advice and that was it?

MSE seems to be full of advice coupled with assumption then character assassination if the advice isn't heeded

I've had it myself and there's another thread on the go right now where someone else is getting similar.

None of us know him or her so why make assertions like the above?

Someone refusing to accept an 'it's over' to the extent of bombarding them with messages, cards and then turning up at the door is scary.


After all, it's obviously a complete change in character. I would be phoning the police in fear were somebody I had split up with refusing to take 'I don't love you' as meaning 'leave me alone'.


My eldest, a similar age, is getting much the same from her ex. And he is scaring her. The only saving grace is that she's away at Uni, but she's scared to come back now.


The OP seems oblivious to the fact he could be scaring her to the point of calling the police on him.

coolcait

aliasojo wrote: »

C'mon Jo isn't that an assumption a bit too far?

What happened to the days of helpful advice and that was it?

MSE seems to be full of advice coupled with assumption then character assassination if the advice isn't heeded

I've had it myself and there's another thread on the go right now where someone else is getting similar.

None of us know him or her so why make assertions like the above?

Part of giving 'helpful advice' can involve putting yourself in the shoes of the other person.

Not the shoes of the OP - but the shoes of the person the OP is talking about.

In this case, if I put myself in the shoes of the young woman whom the OP declares is "the love of his life", I would find his proposed behaviour odd - at best.

[In her shoes...] I've told him that it's over. I've already given him a second chance - after he made a series of grand gestures to get my family on his side.

He blew it. It's definitely over. I've given him the 'I love you, but I'm not in love with you' line.

He sends me a letter, and some adapted song lyrics. Ok :cool:

He sends me another letter, and more adapted song lyrics. Um

He sends me yet another letter, and more adapted song lyrics. Er :mad:

He sends me a fourth letter, and more adapted song lyrics. Um, er, eeek :mad: :eek:

A fifth letter arrives. With more song lyrics :eek::eek::eek:

On the sixth day, he turns up at my work, to hand deliver yet another letter, with yet more song lyrics...

That could be seriously scary. To the extent that I might fear for my personal safety.

An OP needs to know about the effect which his/her behaviour might have on other people.

Whether they accept those points or not is up to them. But denouncing that type of advice as 'character assassination' doesn't mean that the advice is incorrect. Or that it is character assassination.

Returning to the OP in this thread:

If you love this girl, why are you insisting on doing something which many people have told you is creepy, stalkerish, and could scare her?

You don't do something like that to someone you truly love.

It's the kind of thing that you do when the most important person in your life is you - and your need to feel that you've done everything you possibly can, etc, etc.

[Assuming you're not a troll, despite your superbly ambiguous and disingenuous response to jojo's post]

Frith

Please don't send the letters. If I was her, after receiving 2 or 3, I would not still be at my parents so would not be receiving letters 4, 5 and 6. I would be so freaked out I would have found somewhere else to stay.

Upsidedown_Bear

Reading this thread reminds me of this.

http://www.kraftmstr.com/christmas/humor/12days-h.html

Captain_Charisma

I can completely understand peoples concerns about me frightening her etc

But, it's not as if I'm a random stranger whose found out her address, I am the boy/ man she has known and loved a massive chunk of her life, I know her and she knows me, she will know that I don't mean any harm and that I'm just trying to make everything OK, if I receive any inclination that the gestures aren't appreciated then I will stop, and move on. I will have to, for both of our sakes.

lostinrates

Captain_Charisma wrote: »

I can completely understand peoples concerns about me frightening her etc

But, it's not as if I'm a random stranger whose found out her address, I am the boy/ man she has known and loved a massive chunk of her life, I know her and she knows me, she will know that I don't mean any harm and that I'm just trying to make everything OK, if I receive any inclination that the gestures aren't appreciated then I will stop, and move on. I will have to, for both of our sakes.

The guy you have always known is THE MOST FRIGHTENING. He knows your weaknesses, your vulnerabilities, which buttons to press. He comes bearing guilt and broken dreams wrapped in sadness. Men who beat wives, for example, are jot ramdom strangers either. Stalkers are often exes who cannot understand that no means no.

She HAS given you indication, when she left the last time. There is nt muh clearer a person can be.