Help Me Win Back The Love of my Life

Captain_Charisma

I need your help!! Firstly, a little background information...

I posted this on another forum before Christmas:

My girlfriend of a few years finished with me last week, cut a long story i had began to take her for granted and never really made any effort with her family. This has killed me. Anyway, I have made promises and shown her how much she means to me with various gestures but she says although she still loves me she can't take a chance on me letting her down again. I need something other than a gesture to show her I love her, so I've thought of the following but don't know whether it's a good idea.

She has always wanted me to meet her dad, but through my own selfishness I have always made excuses to put it off and never met him. I understand that he thinks I'm a waste of space and I can't blame him. I was thinking of going round to his house on my own, apologizing for never making the effort and to prove to him that I love his daughter more than he would ever believe and will do anything to try and build some bridges.

....which lead to this...

So I went round to her dads this morning, he was surprised to see me, listened to what I had to say, said a few things himself (nothing nasty), we wished each other all the best shook hands and I left. I felt like he appreciated the effort that I have finally made.

Also, went to her mums (who I have met before) and did the same. She was very happy to see me and we had a nice long chat and definitely appreciated the effort that I had gone to.

...which lead to...

I managed to convince her to come for a night away with me before Christmas and we ended up getting back together. We spent Christmas and New Year with her family and had a good time.

HOWEVER, we have separated again. Nothing bad has happened but I realised post Christmas we slipped back into our old routine due to circumstances. She says although she still loves me but is no longer in love with me and once again i am devastated.

My initial reaction was to fight tooth and nail for this girl - after all she is the love of my life. I tried to fix a date with her best friend and her boyfriend to come around for tea and that this upset her as she felt I went behind her back. I even wrote her Mum and Dad a letter of apology for the way i never made any effort over the years and thanked them for welcoming me with open arms over Christmas when i did finally make the effort. Ultimately everything I did made things worse and I decided I need to back off and give her space before I drive her away for good.

Which brings me up to today....

As off last Wednesday I have not contacted her, but I have come up with the following POA:

Whilst we where together, I never made any effort on Valentines day, so this year, to make up for the past 6 years I am going to send a card for each year we've been together with a chapter of our relationship written inside, also - inspired by Tom from McFlys' wedding speech, I've re-wrote a few songs with lyrics to suit us which will also be written inside (and no, I will not be posting them on here!). A card will arrive everyday until Valentines day, on which I intend to surprise her at work with the final card and some flowers. I have also booked a meal for the 2 of us should she accept my offer.

Thoughts? Anything else I could do?

londonsurrey

6 years with no Valentines is simply not something that can be put right with any grand gesture. It's also symptomatic of the taking her for granted that you've mentioned, probably just one of a hundred undone things she experienced every day of the couple of thousand days that you were together. That's literally about a quarter of a million things left undone.

Fighting tooth and nail is great and dramatic, however, it's a quiet slog that's more in order here. Write down the hundred things that you could have done in a typical day, then the things you could have done for each birthday, Valentines, anniversary, Christmas, and significant days for her family. Think about them, and can you actually live like that?

Captain_Charisma

There was never no Valentines, I just didn't make a proper effort, little things such as getting a cheap card and we'd get a takeaway rather than going out etc.

I like the list idea, I'll do that now!

notanewuser

Accept that all of the above may not work.......???

lulu650

Captain_Charisma wrote: »

.....HOWEVER, we have separated again. Nothing bad has happened but I realised post Christmas we slipped back into our old routine due to circumstances. She says although she still loves me but is no longer in love with me and once again i am devastated....

Just to clarify, you've been with her six years but you both agree you haven't made much effort with various things. She ended the relationship and you stepped up. It's been 5 weeks since Christmas and you've let things slide and she's had enough. You're now going to do something really different and dramatic for Valentine's Day which you've barely acknowledged in the six years you've been together for.........

And you're asking if there is anything else extra you can do.

I won't reply as I doubt you would like to hear my answer

downsizer3

Honestly?
I'd let the dust settle a bit and give her some space. Too much 'winning her back' may also get a bit irritating.
Some lovely gestures there - but if things just drifted back to normal last time who's to say they won't again? Have you considered that it may be time to let go?

Captain_Charisma

lulu650 wrote: »

Just to clarify, you've been with her six years but you both agree you haven't made much effort with various things. She ended the relationship and you stepped up. It's been 5 weeks since Christmas and you've let things slide and she's had enough.

Circumstances meant that we slipped back into our old ways, a close friend of mine had a relative who became seriously ill overnight and sadly passed away and I was there to support them through it at the expense of my relationship. Also, a collegue had a bereavement which meant we where all doing abit extra at work to cover their absence, also at the expense of my relationship.

aliasojo

Sorry but you're all mouth and no trousers as my old Mum would say.

You seem to think grand gestures are what's needed but they are not. It's the ordinary everyday things that count and with respect, you seem to fall down in that department.

Maybe best to let her go to someone who can step up to the plate during the boring times too.

I do actually feel for you, I think you might be one of those people who only 'realise' once it's too late.

I hope you can sort this, but years worth of not bothering can't easily be wiped away.

Captain_Charisma

aliasojo wrote: »

Sorry but you're all mouth and no trousers as my old Mum would say.

You seem to think grand gestures are what's needed but they are not. It's the ordinary everyday things that count and with respect, you seem to fall down in that department.

Maybe best to let her go to someone who can step up to the plate during the boring times too.

I do actually feel for you, I think you might be one of those people who only 'realise' once it's too late.

I hope you can sort this, but years worth of not bothering can't easily be wiped away.

I know, i'm hoping the grand gestures lead to her giving me the chance to do the everyday gestures that she deserves.

She is the love of my life and there is noway I can sit back and watch her walk away without fighting for us.

HeadAboveWater

Unfortunately you won't like my reply

This is the important bit...

Captain_Charisma wrote: »

She says she still loves me but is no longer in love with me

I've been in her position before. I could've asked my ex for absolutely a.n.y.thing under the sun and he would've done it/bought it/whatever if it would've won me back. But by that stage it was past the point of no return.

notanewuser

aliasojo wrote: »

Sorry but you're all mouth and no trousers as my old Mum would say.

You seem to think grand gestures are what's needed but they are not. It's the ordinary everyday things that count and with respect, you seem to fall down in that department.

Maybe best to let her go to someone who can step up to the plate during the boring times too.

I do actually feel for you, I think you might be one of those people who only 'realise' once it's too late.

I hope you can sort this, but years worth of not bothering can't easily be wiped away.

^^^^ this is it exactly.