Help Me Win Back The Love of my Life

Joons

It all sounds very nice but you've made the gestures, went round to the parents and now she says, she's not in love with you, sorry but I would take that as meaning she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you.

Captain_Charisma

thorsoak wrote: »

Grand gestures are all very well - but they don't flush/clean the loo, put out the bins, do the washing up, make the bed, tidy up etc etc etc .

It's the little things that can make or break a relationship

Supporting your mates - wonderful - but sometimes you have to prioritise:( You cannot take your partner for granted.

A young relative of mine has just discovered this, and is heartbroken - but only one person can be blamed

I know this, but like I've said 'm hoping the grand gestures will lead to her giving me a chance to do the little things.

Anselm

This all seems... A bit desperate. Give her time to herself, otherwise you may harden her heart even more.

Tiglath

Honestly? You're coming across as a stalker now. Leave her alone; if she wants you, she knows where to find you. My gut feeling based on what you've posted is that this particular boat has sailed. I appreciate you've put in a lot of effort since the relationship ended, but you'd be better off accepting that it's over and moving on. Sorry that that's not what you want to hear.

Captain_Charisma

Saturnalia wrote: »

So you were neglectful for all those years, she dumped you, you then made an effort and won her back, and a month later it hit skid row again because you couldn't keep making an effort?

And now you want to make the effort again to win her back? Why would she have any faith in you left, when the same thing has gone wrong twice and this time round it fell off in a month?

You seem to only want what you can't get and neglect what you do have.

Its not that I gave up making the effort, circumstances explained previously made making the effort impossible which is why it went back to how it was before

londonsurrey

I can understand life getting difficult, and gestures falling by the wayside, but in 6 years you didn't give her Valentines, or meet her dad.

The thing about the lists is to take a good hard look at what you think/know she would have liked from you, and what the real you is like, and whether you can actually be like that, whether you even want to be like that permanently, and whether it would be a false you to be behaving like that, and whether you should be in a relationship with someone who only wants the false you.

thorsoak

Captain_Charisma wrote: »

I know this, but like I've said 'm hoping the grand gestures will lead to her giving me a chance to do the little things.

No they won't. You've had 6 years to make grand gestures AND do the little things. You know how drips of water can wear away stone? Sadly, that's what you have done.

My advice? Accept complete responsibility for what you've not done - stop making excuses about your friends' needs etc etc etc. Learn from what you've not done, move on, and let the love of your life move on too.

Remember Jonathan Livingstone Seagull? "If you love someone, let them go - if they are yours, they will return. If not, they never were yours".

Bitsy_Beans

Captain_Charisma wrote: »

Circumstances meant that we slipped back into our old ways, a close friend of mine had a relative who became seriously ill overnight and sadly passed away and I was there to support them through it at the expense of my relationship. Also, a collegue had a bereavement which meant we where all doing abit extra at work to cover their absence, also at the expense of my relationship.

With all due respect......whilst I am sure some of that took up some of your time it just sounds like an cop out. Life is busy, messy, complicated and there is the possibility that in the future other things can and will crop up. Are you going to let your relationship slide every time?
Gonna be blunt but I don't believe you have the sticking power to make any lasting changes. I suspect you ex knows this.
I would suggest you leave her be and accept that grand gestures are a waste of time if you cannot make lasting changes.
As the phrase goes its all too late and a dollar short.

Captain_Charisma

Valentines Day will be the last roll of the dice, I just know that I will always regret it if I let this day pass without making an extra special effort. And if leads to us having another go of things, I've learned from the mistakes I've made and will not repeat them. If it all comes to nothing, I will have to accept that I tried (even if it was too little too late) and try to move on.

Lara44

Put your effort into changing your ways in time for your next relationship. Don't make the same mistake twice!