Help Me Win Back The Love of my Life

SandC

If you really loved her then you would have made the effort. It really isn't anything to do with grand gestures. And, you know what, there's nothing wrong with a cheap card and a takeaway for valentines.... but then there's nothing wrong with a cheap card saying something silly and a takeaway at ANY time.

You need to walk away from this one and learn from it. Sadly, I think she was worn down and fell out of love with you after feeling like she's been the only one making an effort for all these years.

Lovelyjoolz

Been there, got the t-shirt and he tried to win me back with grand gestures too. It was the worse thing he could have done.

The decision to end it will not have been an easy one to make. A relationship of 6 years is not to be simply cast aside without some deep thinking. By the time she made the decision to end it, in her mind she was probably already long out the door. You've already had your second chance and you blew it. There is no grand gesture in the world that could save it.

But if you're determined to try and win her back, I can offer this advice: leave her alone a bit longer. Give her the opportunity to miss you and maybe she'll miss you enough to reconsider. If you just bombard her with cards, flowers, letters, protestations of "I can change!" you'll just drive her futher away.

Tygermoth

I will post a little story...

My OH has never ever made a big gesture.. never taken me out for Valentines or got me flowers or a card. He has very rarely taken me away, does not really do birthdays or Christmas.

Why do i love him? one small example of many of the same...

I will set the scene, its been snowing and we have a old freezing cold cottage where the bathroom is out the back downstairs and you wait until you HAVE to go... before you leave the bed.

My OH gets up in the middle of the night to go to the loo. on walking back past the desk he notices my phone is not plugged in where it should be to charging and realises i have left it in the car.

Rather than just going back to our lovely warm bed..... He goes and gets the car keys, goes out in the snow to my car gets my phone and plugs it in because he knows i love listening to my audio book on the way to work and i would be without.

He never mentioned it.. until i asked. He does little things like this all the time.

Its the little everyday things that show that you care, grand gesture are just that.. a gesture.

aileth

Captain_Charisma wrote: »

Circumstances meant that we slipped back into our old ways, a close friend of mine had a relative who became seriously ill overnight and sadly passed away and I was there to support them through it at the expense of my relationship. Also, a collegue had a bereavement which meant we where all doing abit extra at work to cover their absence, also at the expense of my relationship.

If you're having to try so hard to make effort in the relationship that things like that (which will detract) completely derail you, abandon all hope.

Also regards with six years no valentines, some ladies aren't bothered about it, I'd be happy with a takeaway. However, if you knew she really was bothered and you couldn't be a*sed to do that for her, I'm surprised it lasted six years. If it was me in her position and after six years you suddenly put on this big show, I'd feel a bit insulted that it's took all of this palava to make you do something, and she's probably smart enough to know that it won't stick given previous behaviour.

Captain_Charisma

Tygermoth wrote: »

I will post a little story...

My OH has never ever made a big gesture.. never taken me out for Valentines or got me flowers or a card. He has very rarely taken me away, does not really do birthdays or Christmas.

Why do i love him? one small example of many of the same...

I will set the scene, its been snowing and we have a old freezing cold cottage where the bathroom is out the back downstairs and you wait until you HAVE to go... before you leave the bed.

My OH gets up in the middle of the night to go to the loo. on walking back past the desk he notices my phone is not plugged in where it should be to charging and realises i have left it in the car.

Rather than just going back to our lovely warm bed..... He goes and gets the car keys, goes out in the snow to my car gets my phone and plugs it in because he knows i love listening to my audio book on the way to work and i would be without.

He never mentioned it.. until i asked. He does little things like this all the time.

Its the little everyday things that show that you care, grand gesture are just that.. a gesture.

These are the kind of things that i know I should do, that i would do if given the chance

notanewuser

Captain_Charisma wrote: »

These are the kind of things that i know I should do, that i would do if given the chance

You were given the chance. Every day for 6 years!!!

aileth

Captain_Charisma wrote: »

These are the kind of things that i know I should do, that i would do if given the chance

I think the whole point is you were given the chance. Take it as a learning experience for your next relationship, sorry to say.

Calien27

Give her some time and a bit of space, if it's meant to be it, it's meant to be, if it isn't you need to accept it and work on yourself so you don't make the same mistakes in any future relationships you may have.

But to be perfectly honest, six years of essentially nothing, not even meeting her father, a sudden series of gestures leading up to one big one, would just annoy me and make me think "why couldn't you do this when we were together?!"

You don't need some grand gesture every single day, just little things like a bunch of flowers here and there or, heck even cooking a meal and doing the washing up whilst she relaxes would do lol!

Bitsy_Beans

Captain_Charisma wrote: »

These are the kind of things that i know I should do, that i would do if given the chance

But you HAD that chance after Christmas and you've used excuses as to why you didn't. Bottom line is once she was back, it was comfortable and you got lazy again. She gave you another chance and you blew it.

victory

Captain_Charisma wrote: »

Valentines Day will be the last roll of the dice, I just know that I will always regret it if I let this day pass without making an extra special effort. And if leads to us having another go of things, I've learned from the mistakes I've made and will not repeat them. If it all comes to nothing, I will have to accept that I tried (even if it was too little too late) and try to move on.

You are so missing the point, a relationship will never be about what grand gestures you do on a super commercialised day that is all about show and how much the retailers can increase the prices and people will actually for it.... Relationship is what you missed out on for 6 years...

Looking out for each other, meeting her parents not under duress but because you want to, going out with her friends, feigning if you have to a liking of things to make her happy, wanting to be with her, sharing, listening, being honest, understanding, wanting to be involved, looking out for each other...

Oh I could go on what a relationship is but after 6 years you would know what makes a couple stay together same morals, principals, honesty, trust, laughter, not grand gestures.

Now all you are going to get is seething anger and resentment with the question screamed at you ' where were you and your grand gestures in the last 6 years?:mad: