Should we be expected to pay Mums bills

rose28454

Mojisola wrote: »

Do the LA and the DWP know what money she has since your father's death? Wouldn't £12k+ savings would put her outside a lot of benefits and help.

Don't pay the £12k towards the mortgage until you're sure it won't be counted as deprivation of capital.

They did an assesment and she does qualify. I made sure they were aware of all the bank accounts and building society accounts and all her income from pensions, insurance policies etc. She also gets Council Tax benefit and again I was scrupulous when I applied about her assets.
However when the italian pension lands they will have to be told and I think she may lose £5.60 per week Pensions Saving Credit she gets and some of her Council Tax benefit. I spent ages getting her both of those things but she never said thanks and said that the Pension Credit is only £5.60 anyway!!

No chance of her being allowed to pay off any of the mortgage and even youngest sis has started saying it is unfair if we all get the same inheritance ( of there is any left anyway) as her and the others paid the mortgage all these years. As I said I never paid due to finances and on a point of principle.

Also at Xmas my youngest sister ( who I work for occasionally - catering and bookkeeping) bought me a Macbook Pro as a present. Apparently my mUM SAID "Why did you do that" and my other sister was upset as he spent so much on me. Even though she is well able to buy her own. my sis has been in business for 12 year and I have given her a lot of financial and practical advice and that is why she bought it. I know it sound like I bleat about my finances but they are a consequence of OH'S alcoholism and over the last 5 years since we split i am getting back on track.

rose28454

Sitting here writing this made me realise how bad things are with my family and how it cant continue. just called Mum to say I would be up later with her t and she was not pleased. But I thought no its Sunday and I am entitled to a day off aswell and so I said bye I will see you later.

Mojisola

rose28454 wrote: »

I know it sound like I bleat about my finances but they are a consequence of OH'S alcoholism and over the last 5 years since we split i am getting back on track.

You've done amazingly well in getting your life back when you consider your starting point. :A

There's still a way to go but you are on track. When you've got used to a bad state being "normal", it takes time to readjust.

exarmydreamer

rose28454 wrote: »

. The bank even sent Dad a new card about 6 months ago even though he died in OCt 2011.

Who has the new card, why has it not been closed down. Maybe worth checking statements for transactions.

She should get about £3000.00 but eldest sis says it has to go into b/s as there was an isa in Dads name that has been spent on various things and has to be replaced.

Maybe worth asking to look at ALL the accounts to check what is being withdrawn in your fathers' name.

I'm not suggesting anything though.

I despair

No, your doing Good and your sister who is supporting you must be of some comfort to you. It's a lot to deal with, my father died in July and my older sister is no where to be seen for months at a time. Leaving me and DH to deal with and I have kids to look after.

rose28454

exarmydreamer wrote: »

No, your doing Good and your sister who is supporting you must be of some comfort to you. It's a lot to deal with, my father died in July and my older sister is no where to be seen for months at a time. Leaving me and DH to deal with and I have kids to look after.

The credit card account has not been used I was trying to demonstrste that they cant be bothered to finish things off. When Dad dies my younger sister reported the death and was given a form whch you send off which notifies pensions office etc. However she gave it to my brother and he completely ignored it and I had to sort it out after a couple of months. I am the only person who sign on the accounts and Mum and I go through the bank statements. It was in September when I was away and my older sister went through all the accounts and demanded to know where the ISA money had gone that was in Mums sole account. My brother got involved and took all the bank statements home to axamine them. I explained that it had been spent on Mum's bills and she confirmed that and it was evident on the statements. Then sis said it would be better if Mums building society account had 2 signatories but that has not happened. however Mum is not frightened to look at her money and I am not aupposed to even take the book out of the house to have it made up to date from time to time.

rose28454

Well interesting day yesterday. Was at mums most of the day getting her ready to go to my sisters for a few days whilst the work is done on the house. I had to take her to the doctors as she has been having problems wetting herself and doctor wanted her to be examined. Got there and lovely young lady doctor asks mum how the problem is and mum says its ok now haven't had a problem for 3 weeks . So doctor says ok no need to examine her just see how it goes. When we got in the car I asked mum why we bothered going and she said she had not wanted to cancel the appt. then later on at sisters house she had another accident on way to loo!!!
so eldest sister called to ask how she got on and starred ranting at me for not insisting she be examined. She also tol my sister last week I had been preventing her seeing the doctor about this. Another lie.
anyway work starting today and all except younger sister issued me with instructions on how to deal with the builders today as if I am stupid.
However I am up and out now as they are coming at 8 and I have to move furniture etc. funny that no one else available. I now know this is the final thing I am going to do fir mum. Aunt is coming to stay later in week so hoping she will stay a week or so and we can get someone else in place by then.

SuzieSue

rose28454 wrote: »

I now know this is the final thing I am going to do fir mum. Aunt is coming to stay later in week so hoping she will stay a week or so and we can get someone else in place by then.

Good for you. You have been taken for granted for too long and treated badly by your mother. I really hope you stick to your guns over this. Remember you deserve a life too. You can't give up your life to look after someone else when there are other people are available to help but refuse to. Your mother's care needs to be split equally 5 ways and if that is not possible then the people who can't help need to pay for external help.

LannieDuck

rose28454 wrote: »

so eldest sister called to ask how she got on and starred ranting at me for not insisting she be examined.

I think I would have said "ok, so why don't you make an appointment to take her next week?"

rose28454 wrote: »

However I am up and out now as they are coming at 8 and I have to move furniture etc. funny that no one else available. I now know this is the final thing I am going to do fir mum. Aunt is coming to stay later in week so hoping she will stay a week or so and we can get someone else in place by then.

I would be inclined to start making a bit of an issue about the lack of help with things like this. I would send an e-mail to them all saying "Mum's furniture needs moving before next Monday. Could one of you please come and give me a hand with it?"

Obviously you don't expect to get a response, but if you do it each time you have a (major-ish) job to do for Mum, it might start to make it obvious how much you're doing (and they're not)?

But I also like your idea of stopping doing that sort of thing completely

heartbreak_star

You've had so much good advice Rose, I can't really add to it I just wanted to wish you well! I'm glad you are sorting things out and being strong.

I wish you lots of luck and send much love!

HBS x

getmore4less

rose28454 wrote: »

Well interesting day yesterday. Was at mums most of the day getting her ready to go to my sisters for a few days whilst the work is done on the house. I had to take her to the doctors as she has been having problems wetting herself and doctor wanted her to be examined. Got there and lovely young lady doctor asks mum how the problem is and mum says its ok now haven't had a problem for 3 weeks . So doctor says ok no need to examine her just see how it goes. When we got in the car I asked mum why we bothered going and she said she had not wanted to cancel the appt. then later on at sisters house she had another accident on way to loo!!!

Was that true? Do you know?

If not you sould have said something.
(Old people often lie about this sort of thing and their capabilities)

Whatever, she needs to make another appointment.