Need help with saying no to someone while not falling out

Robin_TBW

I'm on "Donna's" side. If you're going to take advantage of the creche facility then you should also contribute to it. What if everyone else didn't want to do it either would you be ok with that? Would it be fair on "Donna" to do it every time? Bit selfish really.

Torry_Quine

Robin_TBW wrote: »

I'm on "Donna's" side. If you're going to take advantage of the creche facility then you should also contribute to it. What if everyone else didn't want to do it either would you be ok with that? Would it be fair on "Donna" to do it every time? Bit selfish really.

Well if nobody wanted to do it there would no longer be a creche.:)

mogchops

silvercar wrote: »

If each child in the creche has a parent on the premises, albeit not in the same room, the rules are much relaxed.

The church would have ecclesiastical insurance covering events on the premises.

The rules are NOT much relaxed at all, there must be 2 CRB checked adults in the room with the children at all times. No exceptions.

apesxx

If it was me I would just send her a message stating that I am really looking forward to the play date, but as I have already expressed my decision re the crèche I am not willing to talk about it any further and if the conversation is going to come round to this, then I'm very sorry but I will have to cancel x

marisco_2

skintchick wrote: »

After my initial 'no', Donna's husband called me (let's call him Fred) and basically railroaded me into agreeing.

she didn't contact me once during my recovery from surgery, a lot of which I was housebound for

:eek:

Please read the above back to yourself. Good grief I cannot believe you class these types of people as friends. They sound ghastly and dont deserve the care and consideration you are giving to their feelings.

Despite you saying no to taking on the creche, the husband decided not to respect your views and feelings. He thought nothing of railroading and no doubt guilt tripping you into taking on a responsibility you didn't want. Is he a domineering, arrogant person? A normal adult wouldn't dream of forcing someones hand when they had said they didn't want to do something.

True friends dont ignore the fact that a friend is at home housebound, recovering from surgery. Where was their care and compassion or even a smidgen of interest in you when you could have really done with it?

I would like to say that it shocks me that people so involved with the church and local community could behave in such a disgusting manner. Sadly it doesn't surprise me at all.

Personally I would be telling them 'No' in no uncertain terms. If they had the cheek to ask why, they would get a full explanation. No raised voice, no rudeness, just a calm and clear message of exactly how I felt about them and their request for help.

They are treating you badly and you are enabling them to by putting up with it.

Brighton_belle

Robin_TBW wrote: »

I'm on "Donna's" side. If you're going to take advantage of the creche facility then you should also contribute to it. Presumeably, all the parents who want to take advantage of the sunday schools for 5 - 14 yr olds should be teaching there and everyone who has a coffee after the service should be making their own individual cup? Why single out just the creche for 'users must participate'.
What if everyone else didn't want to do it either would you be ok with that? But donna will never know if 'everyone else doesn't want to do it', because she won't ask for help from the whole church, she had just set her own 'I'm in control' rules that only parents with small children will be asked, despite benefitting herself from the OP's leading of the worship (quite a skill). I can guranetee there will be some teenage girls who would love to help out if asked/made aware of the need for volunteers.

The OP and her husband spends hours and hours helping others in the church...does that count for nothing in your book? This is a chance for others to give back a little to them.

silvercar

mogchops wrote: »

The rules are NOT much relaxed at all, there must be 2 CRB checked adults in the room with the children at all times. No exceptions.

There are exceptions when parents are on site, when the amount of care any child receives is less than 2 hours and when no financial payment is made for the care.

Sezzagirl

Sorry to hijack your thread but I must comment on something Guruchelles said

Scout (and Guide, cub, Brownie, Beaver, Rainbow and just about any other youth group) Leaders are NOT paid!!!! They are all volunteers

Any money you pay for Scouts will pay for the hire of the hall or venue and any equipment they choose not to buy from their own pockets

So many groups, including Scouts and many churches, are solely run by volunteers and it is so annoying when people assume they are paid

Thank you for letting me say this

Angela

guruchelles wrote: »

You pay for Scouts.

I really understand what you're saying about everyone mucking in and doing their bit for the church as a whole, but when you've got children you can't just drop them off somewhere for free while you 'do what's in your heart'.

When you volunteer at your breastfeeding group I'm betting that you look after your child at the same time. You don't just leave her in the care of other parents because for that couple of hours your calling is peer supporting?

This is the exact statement that me give up being a guider parents treat it as cheap baby sitting.
Scout/Guide subs are for insurance/hall hire and materials.
LEADERS DONT GET PAID
I can see some people have never been volunteers in this thread.

Mojisola

guruchelles wrote: »

You pay for Scouts.

I really understand what you're saying about everyone mucking in and doing their bit for the church as a whole, but when you've got children you can't just drop them off somewhere for free while you 'do what's in your heart'.

Sezzagirl wrote: »

Sorry to hijack your thread but I must comment on something Guruchelles said

Scout (and Guide, cub, Brownie, Beaver, Rainbow and just about any other youth group) Leaders are NOT paid!!!! They are all volunteers

Any money you pay for Scouts will pay for the hire of the hall or venue and any equipment they choose not to buy from their own pockets

Can you imagine the reaction from the parents of prospective Cubs and Brownies if they were told they would be put on a rota because, after all, they couldn't expect other people to look after their children if they weren't doing their bit for the club! :rotfl: