Need help with saying no to someone while not falling out

Brighton_belle

bestpud wrote: »

II don't understand why the children are excluded either but then I don't understand the desire to sit through a sermon either - I'd rather poke out my eyes with a blunt stick!

It's not that children are excluded, it's just in these sort of churches, the sermon bit is a serious biblical teaching, which will mean following bible passages, and possibly even taking notes. And it is very dull for tiny ones, hence they are catered for in a creche where they will mave much more fun.

Perhaps see it more as, like going to an evening class to learn a language - why would you keep your toddlers with you - makes your learning difficult than it dull for the children.

Torry_Quine

mogchops wrote: »

I organise a creche and Sunday club rota for our local church, and its a challenge!

One thing that greatly concerns me though from your posts, unless I've missed it, is that you are not CRB checked for the church. If you are not CRB checked, you are not allowed to be responsible for other peoples children. The child protection policy that we follow states there must be 2 CRB checked people in the creche or Sunday club at all times. So is Donna CRB checked? Are all the other people on the rota CRB checked? It doesnt matter if their own children are there or not.

Perhaps this can be your get out clause to Donna......

Well spotted. Everyone in our church who helps with creche, sunday school, holiday club etc has to have a disclosure check.

poledancer49

Agree with some very positive comments....especially with what Jakckieblack said.

FBaby

mogchops wrote: »

I organise a creche and Sunday club rota for our local church, and its a challenge!

One thing that greatly concerns me though from your posts, unless I've missed it, is that you are not CRB checked for the church. If you are not CRB checked, you are not allowed to be responsible for other peoples children. The child protection policy that we follow states there must be 2 CRB checked people in the creche or Sunday club at all times. So is Donna CRB checked? Are all the other people on the rota CRB checked? It doesnt matter if their own children are there or not.

Perhaps this can be your get out clause to Donna......

This is the first thing that came to my mind reading the first message and was about to post. Surely a 'creche' involves some checks and insurance that the childre are safe. Is it legal to run such a scheme without any involvement from OFSTED, or at least a minimum of checking, especially if it involves looking after infant from birth. Surely the fact it is a church run creche doesn't make any difference, no children should be left to random adults (random in that there is no assurance they can actually look after other people's children).

johnnyl

It sounds like you are too diplomatic, at first this is a good trait however there comes a point where you have to say, "Im not going to tell you this again, its a No"

Whatever the consequences are from doing that, Im sure you will cope with.

WestonDave

If you are giving out spiritually by leading worship (and your husband by leading the children) then it is more important that you are refilled by being able to have the time and space to be in the service to hear and respond to the ministry on the occasions when you aren't serving. This is even more the case if you have been ill and/or struggling with other issues which will have been draining your energy and spiritual focus.

Ideally you should be able to do that as a couple as a means of strengthening your threeway relationship with each other and with God.

Out of preference you should really be serving where you are gifted and called - i.e. worship and the other roles like prophetic ministry rather than being forced into some regimented system which has every parent on a rota. To turn that on its head, if someone new came into the church who wanted to hear about the Christian faith for the first time, surely you'd be wanting to ensure they specifically didn't do creche so they were able to gain from the ministry!

Sounds to me like there is a need for leadership in this situation. Firstly what I have been saying should be being said to you by your church leaders or at least something similar. On top of which "Donna" should be being counselled in the same ethos - that whilst its great that she has volunteered to do this organising, she should be seeking people of gifting and calling for the role - in the absence of sufficient numbers of those, then looking at people who need encouragement to get involved in serving rather than being consumers.

The other thing for the future is that your husband needs to be given time for a break from his role (especially if he is carrying it to the extent described) before he burns out and ceases altogether. The principle of sabbaticals and refueling is important. The same may apply to your roles if they are likely to become stale in a similar way.

So in answer to the original question - the easiest option is simply to hold your ground and say you've decided not to. The long term better option is to try to educate Donna that church works better where people are in the right slots not where they are just there because an arbitrary rule says everyone has to do something on a rota. You wouldn't make the grumpiest person in the church do welcome duty, or the insensitive do prayer ministry so why get someone who really doesn't want to do children's work doing that.

Sambucus_Nigra

Go along, and as soon as she starts ask her why she didn't bother to contact you whilst you were ill, and start crying. Should take the conversation away from the creche.

silvercar

FBaby wrote: »

This is the first thing that came to my mind reading the first message and was about to post. Surely a 'creche' involves some checks and insurance that the childre are safe. Is it legal to run such a scheme without any involvement from OFSTED, or at least a minimum of checking, especially if it involves looking after infant from birth. Surely the fact it is a church run creche doesn't make any difference, no children should be left to random adults (random in that there is no assurance they can actually look after other people's children).

If each child in the creche has a parent on the premises, albeit not in the same room, the rules are much relaxed.

The church would have ecclesiastical insurance covering events on the premises.

barbiedoll

Let's not lose sight of the issue here, which is not about CRB checks, God v atheists, whether or not children should be sitting through a full sermon, or "free" childcare etc etc. The issue is that Skintchick is being bullied and harassed by a member of her church into doing a voluntary duty which she doesn't want to do and which she has previously stated that she doesn't want to do.

I'm with previous posters SC, you need to just repeat to Donna that you will no longer be doing creche duty as you had already told her. She organises the creche rota, she doesn't "own" the creche, nor does she have a say over whose child attends and who doesn't, it's for any of the congregation who need it.
I wouldn't worry too much about falling-out over it, she doesn't sound like much of a friend but you don't need to be aggresive or feel that you are getting into a fight. You just need to repeat that you won't be doing it any longer and leave it at that. You don't need to make excuses, nor do you need to justify it to her or to anyone else. By all means, offer to chase up other volunteers but if she has taken on the role of running the creche, then remind her that it's her duty to ensure that she has enough volunteers to fill her rota. After all, you don't ask her for help to lead the worship, nor does your OH ask for her to help with the older children.

Be nice and say it with a smile (if you can! ) but don't be coerced any longer, you clearly do more than your fair share,you have no reason to feel guilty. And if she doesn't want a playdate or coffee with you, that's her loss!

silvercar

I agree with Barbiedoll. No reason to feel guilty, in fact I would say to Donna, "I know I do a lot, I don't feel I also need to help out in the creche. My conscious is clear."