Need help with saying no to someone while not falling out

skintchick

guruchelles wrote: »

Could you take your toddler with you into the sermon and remove yourself from the crèche scenario altogether?

I could, but she'd be disruptive and I still wouldn't get to hear the sermon!

However, my husband said if they ban her because I won;t be on the rota, he will take her upstairs with him when he's on big kids, and when he isn't one of us would end up just going home from church early and missing ther sermon.

Not ideal for anyone.

skintchick

onlyroz wrote: »

In my experience, if you join a club and enjoy going to that club then sooner or later they'll rope you into running the bl00dy club.

Stick to your guns. You do your bit and you know it.

As an aside, I know next-to-nothing about church services but I'm a bit baffled about the need for a creche at all. Surely you'd take the children in with you?

I think I already answered a question like this. They come in for the first half of the service which is the worship (singing etc) and then they go out so adults can listen to the sermon.

CH27

I would email Donna to reiterate your position & ask her to stop pressuring you.
I would suggest asking the congregation for help & I would copy the vicar in on it too so they are aware of what is going on.

skintchick

bestpud wrote: »

Is there a rota for the older group, or does your husband run it alone?

There is a rota which he organises but there's not that many of them, I think about six people and there have to be two each week.

He also organises the content of the lessons so he spends hours at home doing stuff.

Most weeks he is up there because if someone is ill or doesn't turn up then it is his role to step in.

He is also very good with the kids and they behave better for him than anyone else so if they are having problems then they come and get him to help! :rotfl: hilarious as he is the soft touch in our house with DD!

ognum

I think that all you need to say is that you have thought long and hard about this and you have prayed about it, God has helped you come to your decision.

Your decision with the help of prayer is that you chosen role is to support your husband with his role.

You are sorry this doesn't fit in with what she would like but you believe that if she prays God will lead her to the right path.

End of discussion.

skintchick

ognum wrote: »

I think that all you need to say is that you have thought long and hard about this and you have prayed about it, God has helped you come to your decision.

Your decision with the help of prayer is that you chosen role is to support your husband with his role.

You are sorry this doesn't fit in with what she would like but you believe that if she prays God will lead her to the right path.

End of discussion.

I did try a version of that on the texts but it didn't work!

I think I will have to just try and find the courage to say "I don;t want to do the creche any more. I want to focus on other things in the church. If you'd like me to help you find new volunteers then I will."

I am a bit of a people-pleaser thanks to my childhood of being bullied, so I find stuff like this very hard.

Torry_Quine

In my church there is no expectation that parents of children in the creche need to help with it. The person who organises it someone whose own children rew up decades ago! However it is only for very little ones and not up to five years old. We have various Sunday School groups from approx 3 till teens and it's a big commitment as there are many children.

Sadly the saying 'if you want someone done, ask a busy (wo)man is never more true than in church.

bestpud

skintchick wrote: »

I did try a version of that on the texts but it didn't work!

I think I will have to just try and find the courage to say "I don;t want to do the creche any more. I want to focus on other things in the church. If you'd like me to help you find new volunteers then I will."

I am a bit of a people-pleaser thanks to my childhood of being bullied, so I find stuff like this very hard.

It's hard to do but I find role play can really help in situations like this! You will come across as far more assertive if you can get your body language right.

Give it a go - you have nothing to lose.

Remember too that the first time of saying no to a strong character is always the worst - it will be easier in the future.

guruchelles

skintchick wrote: »

But if everyone in the whole church did at least one thing for the church then all the rotas would be oversubscribed!

The idea has always been that people do what is on their heart. Some people are called to childcare, some to worship, some to the PA desk, some to welcoming etc.

It's kind of like Scouts - do you expect every parent to do something for the Scouts, even if it's something they don't enjoy?

You pay for Scouts.

I really understand what you're saying about everyone mucking in and doing their bit for the church as a whole, but when you've got children you can't just drop them off somewhere for free while you 'do what's in your heart'.

When you volunteer at your breastfeeding group I'm betting that you look after your child at the same time. You don't just leave her in the care of other parents because for that couple of hours your calling is peer supporting?

skintchick

guruchelles wrote: »

You pay for Scouts.

I really understand what you're saying about everyone mucking in and doing their bit for the church as a whole, but when you've got children you can't just drop them off somewhere for free while you 'do what's in your heart'.

When you volunteer at your breastfeeding group I'm betting that you look after your child at the same time. You don't just leave her in the care of other parents because for that couple of hours your calling is peer supporting?

Actually I kind of do. It's at the children's centre alongside the baby weigh-in, so DD plays with toys and often mums waiting to see a HV play with her and their own child, and if it's quiet the HVs often play with her.

Obviously I'm there and if she needs me she's my priority, but I don't attend to her very much. She's 3.5 so she can play alone for a while. When she was younger it was harder but often I could just breastfeed her while I helped a mum!

Apart from which, when I talk about a calling I am talking about something God wants me to do which I understand is hard to get your head round if you don;t have a faith, but a God-given calling is important and usually we do our best to support someone in God's work.