Son is stingy

Beckyy

I'm not sure if it's possible when under 18, but could you have a joint bacnka ccount with him and have a card each, or you hang on to his card while you're out? Pay his pocket money into this so he can use it while he is out.

He needs to learn that he has to trust banks with his money because it won't be safe for him to have a cash draw full of thousands when he's older, especially if he does want to go to university.

SingleSue

concerned43 wrote: »

He has had his own debit card since he was ten but it has been a nightmare to manage as he constantly loses it and keeps forgetting his pin. Also he has decided he does not trust banks and keeps his money in cash in a drawer.

I keep youngest's card in my purse as I did middle son's (Aspergers) until last year when he started looking after it himself. Eldest (no ASD at all) was a nightmare at losing his card but he seems to have improved with age

dktreesea

concerned43 wrote: »

The problem arises due to him asking for things when out shopping and not having his money, so I pay for it and when I ask for the money when home he denies agreeing to pay for it and then the arguments start.

If it's making you unhappy to do that, you need to stop doing it. Paying for him all the time is just enabling him not to use his own money. Surely at 15 he is old enough to do his own shopping and not tag along with you?

dktreesea

cattie wrote: »

If it were my son I would be very happy that he had learned the wisdom of saving and of having thrifty ways. So many youngsters seem to think there is no need to save in this day and age.

£5 week pocket money for a 15yr old sounds very little to me, so he seems to have done very well to have accumulated his little nest egg and to be intent in hanging on to it!

I thought that as well. I suppose you have to give children what you can afford, but I polled a few of my friends to see what they doled out when I set the pocket money for mine;....one of them gave her son his CB, topped up to £30. I think £30 a week is a bit steep :-)

concerned43

ringo_24601 wrote: »

I'd also argue that you shouldn't go into his 'draw of cash'. Sounds like things went in the wrong order (i.e. he asks for headphones, you say 'ok, how much do you want to spent', he says how much, gives you some money from his horde, you be a nice parent and go out to buy it for him).

Can I ask how you know he has aspergers and dyspraxia? Are they formal diagnoses ?

Huh? Of course he's been diagnosed.

concerned43

He only gets a fiver because 1) that's all I can afford and 2) I have to pay for everything.
Apart from food I also but his sweets and juice, he's not into mags etc but if he wants to hire a game/DVD I pay for that also....he wants for nothing but I want to cut back on some of his luxuries as I feel he has to learn that things cost money and money does not grow on trees. Even when out with family etc and I have given him money to spend, he will not hand it over to family member to pay for his entrance to cinema, popcorn etc leaving it up to whoever takes him to pick up the tab-needless to say he keeps the money

[Deleted User]

concerned43 wrote: »

Huh? Of course he's been diagnosed.

Just asking - i think its more and more common for people to self-diagnose things like this

It's a shame he won't look at doing something like CBT that could help him understand his condition more and 'fit in' better

Sounds like his state of mind is: is "His money is his, your money is also his"

concerned43

SingleSue wrote: »

I keep youngest's card in my purse as I did middle son's (Aspergers) until last year when he started looking after it himself. Eldest (no ASD at all) was a nightmare at losing his card but he seems to have improved with age

I now keep his bank card in my purse but he can never remember the pin

concerned43

ringo_24601 wrote: »

Just asking - i think its more and more common for people to self-diagnose things like this

It's a shame he won't look at doing something like CBT that could help him understand his condition more and 'fit in' better

He did get cbt but it was a disaster as the therapist was not qualified (unbeknown to us) and she made a right pigs ear of it - he refused to go back because of the therapist.

neneromanova

HappyMJ wrote: »

All you are responsible for his health and education, his food on the table and a roof over his head. Give him the full amount of his share of the child benefit and tell him to buy everything else including his own clothes and toiletries and you won't be buying anything at all.

Why should her child get the benefit? Yes I get that it's child Benefit but surely that is more to go towards the Gas/Electricity/food/housing that the child REALLY needs, not just "fun things". I'm sure if that's what it really was for Tax payers would be up in arms about it.

concerned43 wrote: »

I do get child benefit and ctc - how much of that should he get? I only work part-time and needs these benefits to pay for essential items

He should get none of it. That is meant to be used to help house, feed, clothe him. Not let him buy games and stuff.