Son is stingy

System

I would just sit down with him, when he is in a mood to talk to you (not wanting to argue) and try to explain what he is doing wrong and what he is doing right

Sally_A

Fair play to the lad, aged 15 and £2000 savings :T, you have taught him well OP.

However, if his tightness carries on he may get picked on by mates when they all go out for a meal/drink, so he needs to slacken off a bit.

Is his birthsign in Cancer perchance? (ie, tight as !!!!!!, but all savings for the benefit of a tightknit family).

Own_My_Own

Sally_A wrote: »

Fair play to the lad, aged 15 and £2000 savings :T, you have taught him well OP.

However, if his tightness carries on he may get picked on by mates when they all go out for a meal/drink, so he needs to slacken off a bit.

Is his birthsign in Cancer perchance? (ie, tight as !!!!!!, but all savings for the benefit of a tightknit family).

Have you actually read any of this thread ?

The Ops son has aspergers. The likelihood of him going out for a meal/drink with his mate in the near future are very slim.

Dunroamin

concerned43 wrote: »

I do get child benefit and ctc - how much of that should he get? I only work part-time and needs these benefits to pay for essential items

I'd ignore the comment about giving him part of the CB as this is given to you by the government to help you house, feed and educate him, not for him to buy himself luxuries.

concerned43

Thanks for all replies, I have tried talking to him again about money and have offered to up the amount to £15 pw but that he would need to pay for anything above essentials himself -went down like a lead balloon! And him saying that I am the one that has a problem with money so hand all money over to him and he will manage it - tempted to do it so he can see what it takes to run a house but at the same time don't see him handing over the money. Need a long thing about this - all aspergers mums - what do you do in these circumstances.

dandelionclock30

concerned43 wrote: »

He only gets a fiver because 1) that's all I can afford and 2) I have to pay for everything.
Apart from food I also but his sweets and juice, he's not into mags etc but if he wants to hire a game/DVD I pay for that also....he wants for nothing but I want to cut back on some of his luxuries as I feel he has to learn that things cost money and money does not grow on trees. Even when out with family etc and I have given him money to spend, he will not hand it over to family member to pay for his entrance to cinema, popcorn etc leaving it up to whoever takes him to pick up the tab-needless to say he keeps the money

Also by making a stand now it will stop him becoming isolated in the future. Family members will soon stop taking him out if he wont pay for anything despite being given money, and friends will not do it period.
Before he goes to the cinema get him to give the family member the money for the trip(from his own money) when they come to collect him.You need to make a firm stand with him, otherwize people will really start disliking him if he does'nt pay his way.
£5.00 per week is plenty when he has all that money in the bank.Also I would get 1 bottle of dilute orange juice for the whole family for the week.Anything above that he buys himself.
You need to be firm with him,otherwize he is going to have alot of problems in the future if he carries on like this. Good luck.
Sounds like hes trying to manipulate you O.P. Just stick to your guns and say no. £15.00 is too much in my opinion.

Jellybro

It's a really difficult one with ASD children. My eldest son, with aspergers is absolutely rubbish with money. He leaves it lying around, looses it, spends it willy nilly on rubbish... The total opposite of yours!
At 15 he is still too young to have to pay for any of his essentials I feel... I presume he is in full time education? That's what you get your child related benefits for as others have said.
I would just start making sure you warn him before you go out to bring his money just in case he sees something he wants as you can no longer help to pay for such things.
If he is being taken to the cinema or something by a relative I would hand over the money directly to them for his entry, popcorn etc. if he then wants to take more money for anything else he can use his own money and take some with him.
Just stay firm with him and keep reiterating to him that that's what happens as we get older... We have to start paying for things ourselves.

patchwork_cat

HappyMJ wrote: »

It's not for "fun things" it's for travel, clothing, haircuts, toiletries etc etc...it's about giving a child some control over a budget so that they know how much can be spent so that when they get older they know there is a limit and it's not just ask parents for anything at any time.

It works for me...I put food on table and roof over head give 12yo DD £20.30 a week and she buys everything she needs herself.

That is a lot of responsibility for a 12 yo. Do you buy school uniform, shoes and coat, stationery etc.?

TheConways

Own_My_Own wrote: »

Have you actually read any of this thread ?

The Ops son has aspergers. The likelihood of him going out for a meal/drink with his mate in the near future are very slim.

Aspergers sufferers are often very high-functioning. It's not known as "Engineers Disease" for nothing! I know two Asperger's sufferers who are very sociable, go out with friends for drinks etc.

Aspergers sufferers often get obsessed by one thing and dwell on it. I wonder in this case if the obsession is hoarding money (tell-tale sign: he doesn't trust banks, you use the word "stash", he received Christmas money but has immediately saved it, not wanting to spend it). I would almost take the focus off money in your conversation, and gear it to lifestyle. Now that he is 15, he can take more responsibility over his lifestyle. How do you want to work this together? Ask him some open questions and listen to understand. If he gives you conflicting replies, try to resolve them. Use reason and logic and be consistent. Aspergers sufferers will often struggle with emotion and context, so keep it simple.

jackieb

My 17yo daughter is indifferent to money - she's just not interested. She doesn't get pocket money either. If she gets a fiver it can stay in her purse for weeks, it won't cross her mind to spend it. She doesn't ask for much, but if she does I just usually buy her it. She doesn't whine if I don't buy her something though.

My 20yo son handles his own money. He goes to college and gets DLA. He's very secretive though, but fairly good with his money. He never asks for anything either. I still buy his clothes. If I didn't he would wear rags - he's as disinterested in buying clothes as his sister is with money. My husband told me to buy him new trainers this week as his were falling apart but son has refused - and that's me offering to buy them for him! He also attends a group every week that helps him be more independent - explains about money, housing etc. I would never put any of my children out of the house when they reach a certain age, but this one wants to move out and he's on a waiting list for a place of his own - and this group is helping him. He's also had a visit at home this week from someone from the NAS. My son is very secretive and won't divulge much, and because he's 20, even though he's still at home, I don't feel I can delve too deep if it's not what he wants. He gets quite upset if he thinks i'm prying. When his visitor came I made his tea and retreated to the other room. When he left I asked my son what they talked about, and my answer was 'stuff' !

There are no two people with ASD's that are the same, but just because your son has aspergers doesn't mean he can get his own way all the time. If he doesn't give you the money for the things he needs, then don't get it for him. If he's that desperate he'll hand the money over.

It can be difficult line between wanting them to be independent, yet wanting to watch out for them at the same time.