Son is stingy

concerned43

My ds who is now 15 is and always has been tight with money and I have always shelled out for non essential items for him but now he is older i think he should pay for his own 'luxuries'. He gets £5 a week pocket money, also has about £2000 in the bank and £140 Xmas money but still insists that I buy everything for him and refuses to part with a penny!
For example, two days after Xmas he says he needed new headphones and we bought ones at £15, I took the money out of his 'stash' to pay for it he is mad at me for doing so! But my argument is that if he wanted headphones he should have asked them for Xmas and not leave to until after Xmas to ask when he knows I am skint after spending a fortune on his Xmas presents.
It's got to the point that his reluctance to spend any of his money is causes arguments
I find stinginess an unattractive trait in anyone and do not want my son to be like this when in adulthood.
So my questions are ;
Am I being unreasonable?
Apart for food clothes etc what else is reasonable for me to be financially responsible for?
I pay for private music and English tuition - which is obviously my responsibility but should I be paying for non-essential items I.e. game, DVDs etc?

pukkamum

No way surely pcket money is there for the kids to spend on any extras they want, my son saves his for graphic novels, as for the headphones did you make it clear they would be coming out of his money?
I would be a bit miffed if I thought you were buying me a pair only for a 'bill' to be produced.
I would have made it clear that he would pay for them, by moving the boundaries you are creating resentment, he may have decided to pay a cheaper pair or not bought any at all but you didn't give him the option.

HappyMJ

concerned43 wrote: »

My ds who is now 15 is and always has been tight with money and I have always shelled out for non essential items for him but now he is older i think he should pay for his own 'luxuries'. He gets £5 a week pocket money, also has about £2000 in the bank and £140 Xmas money but still insists that I buy everything for him and refuses to part with a penny!
For example, two days after Xmas he says he needed new headphones and we bought ones at £15, I took the money out of his 'stash' to pay for it he is mad at me for doing so! But my argument is that if he wanted headphones he should have asked them for Xmas and not leave to until after Xmas to ask when he knows I am skint after spending a fortune on his Xmas presents.
It's got to the point that his reluctance to spend any of his money is causes arguments
I find stinginess an unattractive trait in anyone and do not want my son to be like this when in adulthood.
So my questions are ;
Am I being unreasonable?
Apart for food clothes etc what else is reasonable for me to be financially responsible for?
I pay for private music and English tuition - which is obviously my responsibility but should I be paying for non-essential items I.e. game, DVDs etc?

All you are responsible for his health and education, his food on the table and a roof over his head. Give him the full amount of his share of the child benefit and tell him to buy everything else including his own clothes and toiletries and you won't be buying anything at all.

concerned43

pukkamum wrote: »

No way surely pcket money is there for the kids to spend on any extras they want, my son saves his for graphic novels, as for the headphones did you make it clear they would be coming out of his money?
I would be a bit miffed if I thought you were buying me a pair only for a 'bill' to be produced.
I would have made it clear that he would pay for them, by moving the boundaries you are creating resentment, he may have decided to pay a cheaper pair or not bought any at all but you didn't give him the option.

Yes I told him it would be coming out of his money, I paid for it using my debit card and took the £15 out of his cash stash.

Mojisola

concerned43 wrote: »

but still insists that I buy everything for him and refuses to part with a penny!

How can he insist?

Him: I want x.
You: Go ahead and buy it with your money.
Him: You should buy it for me.
You: No.

[Deleted User]

HappyMJ wrote: »

All you are responsible for his health and education, his food on the table and a roof over his head. Give him the full amount of his share of the child benefit and tell him to buy everything else including his own clothes and toiletries and you won't be buying anything at all.

I'm going to challenge this every time someone mentions child benefits: Not every parent now receives them

concerned43

The problem arises due to him asking for things when out shopping and not having his money, so I pay for it and when I ask for the money when home he denies agreeing to pay for it and then the arguments start.

concerned43

I do get child benefit and ctc - how much of that should he get? I only work part-time and needs these benefits to pay for essential items

TheEffect

He's old enough to pay for his own luxuries, yet he's not old enough to go to the shop and buy them himself, or online?

Next time, I suggest the following conversation:

Son: I need headphones.
Parent: You have money, the shops are over there, have a nice time.

That way you don't need to be in his bad books for removing money from his stash.

gingin_2

I agree completely that he needs to pay for his extra's but I don't feel you have a right to physically take his money from his "stash" without asking, or getting him to fetch it for you. It's his possession, you have no right to take it without his permission although it seems bizarre so I might have the wrong end of the stick.

I would also question your own relationship with money and what it has taught him if you have had to make yourself skint in order to buy him presents, when you have so little and he has so much.

concerned43

Ds has aspergers and dyspraxia and needs outside supervision so can't go shopping by himself