Son is stingy

concerned43

ringo_24601 wrote: »

Back on the original question.. No, you shouldn't pay for games/DVDs ect if he receives an allowance. Although- i might question if £5 a week is enough for a 15 year old? Do you give him extra money on top of that (e.g. for the bus, entertainment ect) ?

You could always 'empower him' to be able to buy his own stuff by putting money on a pre-loaded visa card, then let him buy things online

He has had his own debit card since he was ten but it has been a nightmare to manage as he constantly loses it and keeps forgetting his pin. Also he has decided he does not trust banks and keeps his money in cash in a drawer.

Slinky

concerned43 wrote: »

Also he has decided he does not trust banks and keeps his money in cash in a drawer.

Surely that should be even easier then. You don't leave the house on a shopping trip unless he's got some money from the drawer with him for his purchases. Doesn't even have the excuse of forgotten the card or his pin.

victory

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

Your initial post described an average teen wanting everything done for him... people posted replies based on 'average' teens...



I really don't get why you didn't include this bit in your original post - surely you must see that this kind of obsessive reluctance to spend money may well be linked.

It will take time for your son to understand the new rules-of-the-game... you can't just stop providing things you have always provided before unless (until) he *gets* why the change is needed... that will take time.

I fully agree. To leave out that your son has aspergers is quite a large piece of information, it goes as tiddlywinks says from just an average teenager taking what they can get, to an aspergic teenager who sees things completely different.... that is a whole different ball game

cattie

If it were my son I would be very happy that he had learned the wisdom of saving and of having thrifty ways. So many youngsters seem to think there is no need to save in this day and age.

£5 week pocket money for a 15yr old sounds very little to me, so he seems to have done very well to have accumulated his little nest egg and to be intent in hanging on to it!

victory

[QUOTE=Valli;58775307)__Maybe_he_doesn't_quite_'compute'_the_purchase_system_like_you_do.__Maybe_he_asks_for_the_item;_you_pay,_then_he_has_the_item_and_doesn't_quite_accept_that_he_NOW_has_to_give_you_the_money.__The_item_has_'already'_been_paid_for_so_perhaps_he_just_doesn't_quite_make_the_connection_that_he_should_be_paying_for_it_if_you_get_my_point.__[/QUOTE]

This ^^^^^^

[Deleted User]

I'd also argue that you shouldn't go into his 'draw of cash'. Sounds like things went in the wrong order (i.e. he asks for headphones, you say 'ok, how much do you want to spent', he says how much, gives you some money from his horde, you be a nice parent and go out to buy it for him).

Can I ask how you know he has aspergers and dyspraxia? Are they formal diagnoses ?

victory

Aspies are very territorial, if the case is the mum went in the draw, with or without consent, within his space, his space has been invaded and that is enough to cause a lot of anger.....

Own_My_Own

My eldest has aspergers.

I do not buy him extra stuff if I know he has the money. I cannot afford it.

I DO lend him the money. When shopping if he sees something and does not have the money on him, I give him the cash while saying

' I am lending you this money to buy

---

, you will have to give me the same amount back when we get home. That way you have bought

---

'

He then buys the item.

I find this works well.

System

He gets £5 a week pocket money, also has about £2000 in the bank and £140 Xmas money but still insists that I buy everything for him and refuses to part with a penny!

Of course he does.... its called having his cake and eating it.

SingleSue

jackieb wrote: »

Maybe it's more to do with the aspergers rather than him being stingy?

This ^

My youngest son has complex autism and he can sometimes be seen as being stingy. However, his being 'stingy' has enabled him to buy his own Ipad and Ipod....just no-one else has received birthday or Christmas presents from him :rotfl:Not that he can the point in buying presents or the surprise of people not knowing what has been bought....he bought his elder brother some bubble wrap for his last birthday for the grand total of £1 and moaned for the rest of the month about it!