Son is stingy

concerned43

VK-2008 wrote: »

At 15 he should be buying his own things
I worked for family from young age about 14 I got 20quid a week and bought my own luxuries and parents bought essentials

I didn't get pocket money

If your child is being selfish just say you are stopping pocket money and will only spend 20 quid which would be his pocket money a month on luxuries
There is no need for children to get luxuries all the time that's what birthdays and Xmas is for plus special treats like report cards etc
Why should he get bought games when he has 2k in savings which is a lot for a young child

The £2k is for his late father's estate and was given by the trustees when he was ten to pay for holidays, tuition etc but I luckily have not had to dip into this as i have had money to pay for these things, he will also receive £3500 when he goes to uni and another £7k when he reaches 30 to help pay for deposit on house if relevant.

Desperado99

jackieb wrote: »

Maybe it's more to do with the aspergers rather than him being stingy?

I thought that too.

My own brother is well known for been tight with money - he was still managing to get mum to pay for his haircuts into his twenties (his reasoning being, 'I'm ok with my hair being long, it's mum that wants it cut' LOL). My thinking at the time was that mum was letting him get away with it, but he's quite possibly just as tight now and he's 20 years older

I think clear boundaries are the way forward, set out exactly what you are willing to pay for and what he needs to pay for and stick to it. If you need to buy something for him (ie: off the internet) get the money off him upfront.

BUT (and this is probably the hard bit) try not to be as tight towards him as he is towards you - I have never really worried about the odd quid here and there with my brother and as a consequence he is much better with me about money than he is with my other brother (they have a tit for tat thing going on with birthday presents, they never spend more than the other one EVER)

Oh and P.S. the bank account: DD has her own bank a/c that has christening/birthday money etc and she knows that although it's her money, its there for when she gets older and needs to buy a car or something big

jackieb

victory wrote: »

As you well know, aspies see things differently, they are very black and white, their thought process is more definete his may have more to do with your son being an aspie than being stingy?

Have you rang the NAS http://www.autism.org.uk/ to get some help on how to try to make him understand?

I have a 17yo and a 20yo with aspergers and they take stubborn to a whole new level!

My daughter goes to a social group for teens with aspergers, and it helps them understand why they sometimes behave the way they do. That was organised through a local branch of the NAS. She rarely goes out but she looks forward to going to her group.

concerned43

jackieb wrote: »

I have a 17yo and a 20yo with aspergers and they take stubborn to a whole new level!

My daughter goes to a social group for teens with aspergers, and it helps them understand why they sometimes behave the way they do. That was organised through a local branch of the NAS. She rarely goes out but she looks forward to going to her group.

My ds would never agree to attending anything to do with aspergers as he is in denial of his condition and therefore it is not mentioned anywhere.

maman

jackieb wrote: »

Maybe it's more to do with the aspergers rather than him being stingy?

From my experience with children on the spectrum I'm confident that there's a link here but, in any event, taking money out with you when you go to the shops is a life skill he needs to learn.

As a suggestion, my DD keeps some of DGDs Christmas/birthday money in a separate purse when they go shopping. If DGD fancies something then she has to make the choice. Sometimes when she realises it's (physically from the purse) coming from her money she changes her mind. It's worth a try.

scooby088

I think your son should pay for things like smellies maybe even shaving stuff, the odd clothes. Being stingy isn't a bad thing, it means that he isn't going to be a pushover with his money and spend it on having a good time or reckless things.

[Deleted User]

Back on the original question.. No, you shouldn't pay for games/DVDs ect if he receives an allowance. Although- i might question if £5 a week is enough for a 15 year old? Do you give him extra money on top of that (e.g. for the bus, entertainment ect) ?

You could always 'empower him' to be able to buy his own stuff by putting money on a pre-loaded visa card, then let him buy things online

gingin_2

concerned43 wrote: »

My ds would never agree to attending anything to do with aspergers as he is in denial of his condition and therefore it is not mentioned anywhere.

Maybe now is a good time to get some independent advice on helping him accept this. Why not start with the NAS like Victory said, I am sure it won't be uncommon. .

Tiddlywinks

concerned43 wrote: »

My ds who is now 15 is and always has been tight with money and I have always shelled out for non essential items for him but now he is older i think he should pay for his own 'luxuries'. He gets £5 a week pocket money, also has about £2000 in the bank and £140 Xmas money but still insists that I buy everything for him and refuses to part with a penny!
For example, two days after Xmas he says he needed new headphones and we bought ones at £15, I took the money out of his 'stash' to pay for it he is mad at me for doing so! But my argument is that if he wanted headphones he should have asked them for Xmas and not leave to until after Xmas to ask when he knows I am skint after spending a fortune on his Xmas presents.
It's got to the point that his reluctance to spend any of his money is causes arguments
I find stinginess an unattractive trait in anyone and do not want my son to be like this when in adulthood.
So my questions are ;
Am I being unreasonable?
Apart for food clothes etc what else is reasonable for me to be financially responsible for?
I pay for private music and English tuition - which is obviously my responsibility but should I be paying for non-essential items I.e. game, DVDs etc?

Your initial post described an average teen wanting everything done for him... people posted replies based on 'average' teens...

concerned43 wrote: »

Ds has aspergers and dyspraxia and needs outside supervision so can't go shopping by himself

I really don't get why you didn't include this bit in your original post - surely you must see that this kind of obsessive reluctance to spend money may well be linked.

It will take time for your son to understand the new rules-of-the-game... you can't just stop providing things you have always provided before unless (until) he *gets* why the change is needed... that will take time.

concerned43

gingin wrote: »

Maybe now is a good time to get some independent advice on helping him accept this. Why not start with the NAS like Victory said, I am sure it won't be uncommon. .

It's a sore point as he had a horrendous time with camhs he won't go near another 'professional' nor speak about his conditions, he gets extremely upset if the subject is raised and therefore we feel its best left alone for now.