Son is stingy

jackieb

Maybe it's more to do with the aspergers rather than him being stingy?

VK-2008

At 15 he should be buying his own things
I worked for family from young age about 14 I got 20quid a week and bought my own luxuries and parents bought essentials

I didn't get pocket money

If your child is being selfish just say you are stopping pocket money and will only spend 20 quid which would be his pocket money a month on luxuries
There is no need for children to get luxuries all the time that's what birthdays and Xmas is for plus special treats like report cards etc
Why should he get bought games when he has 2k in savings which is a lot for a young child

Valli

He's probably stingy (possibly) because of his Asberger's. Maybe he doesn't quite 'compute' the purchase system like you do. Maybe he asks for the item; you pay, then he has the item and doesn't quite accept that he NOW has to give you the money. The item has 'already' been paid for so perhaps he just doesn't quite make the connection that he should be paying for it if you get my point. For this reason I would no longer be handing my card over to pay for items if I were you.

Time, perhaps, for him to start handing money over at the point of purchase. Plus you will be doing him a favour, he will start to learn to make purchasing decisions; sooner or later he is going to have to start to develop independent skills; this would be a starting point.

Good luck with the tantrums/rows you may get for the first few times.

sassyblue

concerned43 wrote: »

The problem arises due to him asking for things when out shopping and not having his money, so I pay for it and when I ask for the money when home he denies agreeing to pay for it and then the arguments start.

Knowing this, before you go out tell him he needs cash on him on the off chance he might want something because you aren't lending him any.

You are NOT being unreasonable. Being good with money is great, being tight to the point it causes arguments is bad!

Your son isn't really being tight when he does this, he's conning you.

victory

concerned43 wrote: »

Ds has aspergers and dyspraxia and needs outside supervision so can't go shopping by himself

As you well know, aspies see things differently, they are very black and white, their thought process is more definete his may have more to do with your son being an aspie than being stingy?

Have you rang the NAS http://www.autism.org.uk/ to get some help on how to try to make him understand?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

concerned43 wrote: »

Ds has aspergers and dyspraxia and needs outside supervision so can't go shopping by himself

Then he could benefit from a new set of rules.


Now you are older, In exchange for you doing x, y and z chores each week, I will give you xxxx amount of money each week. From this, you are to buy all things you want. I will not get things for you and then ask for the money back, so you will have to remember your wallet and cash card each time we go shopping.



So, in effect, it clarifies the rules so that if you buy it for him, you've bought it for him and he doesn't have to give you money later (it could be that his internal rules are

Mum bought it, Mum gave it to me ....[two hours later]...!!!!!!!!!! You want money off me? For my present? That's wrong, the rules are you buy me things and give me things, that's what you do, but that's different, why are you changing these things, it's wrong, I don't understand why you take stuff that has already been given to me like my money when you give me stuff sometimes, but not other times.......'



Clear rules. Ones that can be written down to clarify things.

sassyblue

concerned43 wrote: »

I do get child benefit and ctc - how much of that should he get? I only work part-time and needs these benefits to pay for essential items

Erm, NONE.

concerned43

victory wrote: »

As you well know, aspies see things differently, they are very black and white, their thought process is more definete his may have more to do with your son being an aspie than being stingy?

Have you rang the NAS http://www.autism.org.uk/ to get some help on how to try to make him understand?

To be honest I have never thought of a possible connection, but will look into it.

Mojisola

You're actually starting off from a better position than trying to deal with profligate son!

I would have some talks about money - how much things cost, how long it takes to earn a certain amount, and so on. Combine that with showing him on paper how much money he has every week and working out his expenses and get him used to balancing a budget.

victory

concerned43 wrote: »

To be honest I have never thought of a possible connection, but will look into it.

It is a huge connection, aspies cannot process information as we see it, theirs is different way of seeing it, he sees it like you have taken money off him when you said you would buy it, you see it he took money off you when you get home you want to paid back, your son cannot see what you mean.



http://www.autism.org.uk/about-autism/autism-and-asperger-syndrome-an-introduction/what-is-asperger-syndrome.aspx

The NAS is very helpful http://www.autism.org.uk/