Son is stingy

Own_My_Own

Sorry I'll start again.

From the description the OP gave of her son, I doubt the comment about his friends thinking him tight on a night out having drinks was really needed. I still do not think the poster of that comment had properly read the thread.

coolcait

concerned43 wrote: »

Was skint after Xmas as its an expensive time of year - who isn't? He has money due to having a trust fund established by his late fathers estate and is given money from family members. My own relationship with money is that I am too generous always paying for things that others should be contributing to and lending people money, all of which irritates my ds and perhaps this is why he is stingy?

I can see why you might need to be more strict with your DS when it comes to money matters.

However, in fairness, given the BiB, you should probably be equally strict with others.

I can completely undertsand why your DS might get irritated.

Especially if you are insisting that he pays you back - to the extent that you are helping yourself to the money he has in the house.

That's even before you put Aspergers into the equation.

dibblersan

I know I might be a mean so and so, but am I the only one that would say.

' oh, I didn't realise I was buying headphones. I don't really want headphones. I'll have to return them to the shop tomorrow with the receipt. Unless of course you wanted to buy MY headphones off me?'

carerof3

I agree with previous posters, the problem is that he has grown up with the routine that "when I want something, mum pays for it". This is of course normal when a child, but the longer a routine happens, the harder it is to break. I have asperger's syndrome and have some routines/behaviours that I've followed for over 40 years that I can't break - even though even I know they are illogical. My saying is "Don't start a routine, if you don't want to be stuck in it". Although in this case, mum paying for everything is naturally something that couldn't be avoided, the longer you leave trying to change the behaviour the worse it will be.

I think that spending money is easier to keep track of as actual cash, rather than figures on a bank statement - for a young person. So keeping spending money in a purse or drawer, would be fine if there was no-one going to steal it (e.g. sibling), providing the main trust fund etc, was in the bank.

My son carries his purse round with him, it is attached to his bag with a chain, as he kept losing it. He is older (23) but has autism and communication & learning difficulties , and is functioning a lot younger. He has £25 a week as general spending money, as most of the benefits we recieve are his, £25 goes into savings, and the rest is transferred to me for living expenses. He pays for his trips out, gym, printer ink, dvds or anything else he wants to buy, and lunch at college two days a week. Clothes & holidays come out of the savings account, which is a joint account with me. He sometimes goes out with support workers (who aren't going to pay for him), so quickly learnt that if he hasn't got his purse with him, he has to go home to get it, or go back to the shop tomorrow with the money to buy what he wants.

dandelionclock30

dibblersan wrote: »

I know I might be a mean so and so, but am I the only one that would say.

' oh, I didn't realise I was buying headphones. I don't really want headphones. I'll have to return them to the shop tomorrow with the receipt. Unless of course you wanted to buy MY headphones off me?'

.

I think thats manipulative and game playing. I think being straight is a better approach.

fawd1

Originally Posted by ringo_24601
I'm going to challenge this every time someone mentions child benefits: Not every parent now receives them
The equivalent then...or £13.40 a week...

Quote:
Originally Posted by concerned43
I do get child benefit and ctc - how much of that should he get? I only work part-time and needs these benefits to pay for essential items

Just the child benefit.

Erm, or not. Child benefit is for helping to pay for essentials. It's for the parents, not the children, to make sure that they have clothes, food and warmth. Otherwise it would be called State sponsored pocket money.

Yargo1

As soon as I was 13 and had a paper round I had to buy my own toiletries, magazines etc once I was 16 and had a sat job I paid for the same plus half towards any clothes!

Your son sounds lie he needs to get with the real world and pay his way.

Not meant nastily op, just why should u as u say keep forking out when he has plenty of savings,

Purleygirl

I give my 14 year old daughter 80 euro a month (68 sterling) and I have found this better than shelling out here and there. Out of that she has to fund her entertainment, clothes, presents, make up and anything else she wants to buy for herself. Anything school related, I pay for, including uniform and I pay for her piano lessons, 14 euro a week plus her exams and piano books. She helps around the house when asked and likes this system much better than when she had to ask, so do I. I think giving older children an allowance and asking them to budget works well. I appreciate that for some people that would be tough, I hasten to add, she is the youngest, the older ones have their own income. You might find it easier on you and him, to increase his allowance, pay him monthly and get him to budget, you might save money too. Anyway, just a thought.

surveyqueenuk

carerof3 wrote: »

...most of the benefits we recieve are his, £25 goes into savings, and the rest is transferred to me for living expenses.

I never realised benefits were there to provide nest eggs!

itsanne

"Clothes & holidays come out of the savings account"

Seems a very appropriate way of handling benefits/needs to me!