dilemma help please

SuzieSue

victory wrote: »

Please please step away from the computer, no good will come of it, it's going to escalate so bad everyone takes a higher stand and before you know it not one member is talking to the other:eek:

Worth it ?

Sometimes it is worth it. The OP could have let things go on as they were and suffered in silence for the rest of her life, or she could let her sister know how she feels and that she has had enough.

If they are meant to be friends, they will work it out. If not, they won't. There is no point in trying to be friends with your sister if all it causes is stress.

bagpussbear

Pukkamum, sounds like you got alot of your chest by saying what you did to your sister, maybe it was a long time coming?

I personally don't think you have taken things the wrong way, nor do I think you should apologise for sticking up for yourself, I still think getting someone 'half' a ticket is an odd thing to do, as it forces the person to fork out money for their own present, which unless they've asked specifically for that, I think is plain wrong.

But having said that, I am sorry that you have fallen out, and agree with others that perhaps have no more contact by email at the moment, as anything said will be out of anger and frustration. Let the dust settle, gather your thoughts over the next few days and see how you feel about things, whether you want to continue a relationship with your sister etc.

Hugs.

SuzieSue

bagpussbear wrote: »

Pukkamum, sounds like you got alot of your chest by saying what you did to your sister, maybe it was a long time coming?

I personally don't think you have taken things the wrong way, nor do I think you should apologise for sticking up for yourself, I still think getting someone 'half' a ticket is an odd thing to do, as it forces the person to fork out money for their own present, which unless they've asked specifically for that, I think is plain wrong.

But having said that, I am sorry that you have fallen out, and agree with others that perhaps have no more contact by email at the moment, as anything said will be out of anger and frustration. Let the dust settle, gather your thoughts over the next few days and see how you feel about things, whether you want to continue a relationship with your sister etc.

Hugs.

Totally agree. I don't think the OP has any more apologising to do than her sister. I'm sure they are both at fault in different ways (no-one is perfect), but they both need to decide if they want their relationship to work.

victory

SuzieSue wrote: »

Sometimes it is worth it. The OP could have let things go on as they were and suffered in silence for the rest of her life, or she could let her sister know how she feels and that she has had enough.

If they are meant to be friends, they will work it out. If not, they won't. There is no point in trying to be friends with your sister if all it causes is stress.

I don't agree, I know you and your sis have had difficulties and I know the hurt and pain that can come with relations breakdowns but letting someone know how they feel whist bristling with anger and resentment is never going to resolve anything with a bit of restraint and calm much more good will come out of what can be a salvageable situation if handed correctly:D

SuzieSue

victory wrote: »

I don't agree, I know you and your sis have had difficulties and I know the hurt and pain that can come with relations breakdowns but letting someone know how they feel whist bristling with anger and resentment is never going to resolve anything with a bit of restraint and calm much more good will come out of what can be a salvageable situation if handed correctly:D

If they want to be friends they will. If her sister can't cope with an email telling her a few home truths then their relationship isn't really worth having is it?

We all have arguments with our relatives and say things we don't mean or later regret, and email is no different. Infact, it is safer as you can re-read it and decide to change it or not send it at all. If you say something in a verbal argument it is too late.

Pollycat

I know there are problems with distance (miles, that is) but I really feel that this issue would have been better conducted face-to-face (as the OP says her sister makes her feel like a 5 year old over the phone).

I feel there is a big difference from words that are said to words that are written.

You can't take either of them back but maybe it would be easier to forget something said in the heat of the moment than it would to read it (maybe over and over) on your screen.

It's patently obvious that there are years and years of resentment on both sides (I have no idea who is more or less wronged) and it has all come spilling out over this latest incident.

Maybe that is for the best, in the long run.
Maybe you will both feel better (and less resentful) putting some time between you.

Pukkamum, I hope it works out for you as you wish it to.

I'll also add that I don't speak to my sister and haven't for many years - I'm perfectly happy with that situation.

pukkamum

Thank you all so much you have all had really good advice and words of wisdom, she did respond basically telling me to eff off and that there was no way we were having contact again and that I would have to explain to my kids why they no longer saw their aunty and cousins (err because I wouldn't go to a concert????).

I sent her one back basically explaining how she had to accept that our relationship was different now, I could no longer be at her beck and call and that my family comes first and that I would love to have an adult conversation about things if she was willing to listen and take things I said on board and I would do the same, but until then I am not willing to fight.
Mum just called me to say she was on her way to my sisters and that she had heard all about it (one version no doubt) so I can't wait to see how I come out of that one!

This is so upsetting I have barely slept and spent most of the night in tears, why does family life have to be so hard?

SuzieSue

pukkamum wrote: »

Mum just called me to say she was on her way to my sisters and that she had heard all about it (one version no doubt) so I can't wait to see how I come out of that one!

This is so upsetting I have barely slept and spent most of the night in tears, why does family life have to be so hard?

Yes, from what you have said your sister is very manipulative and will have told your mum that it is all your fault and that she (your sister) is the innocent party. I've also had this and I also got fed up of trying to convince my mother that my sister was lying. In the end I decided it just wasn't worth the effort.

Of course it is upsetting but believe me, it gets so much better with time. On the first 3 days after I stopped contact I was very upset but as each day goes by it gets much easier. Soon you will notice how nice it is that you don't get involved in all the stressful situations that your sister caused and how you can start enjoying your life again with your immediate family.

I really hope that you and your sister can be reconciled, but in the meantime, please realise that most of this is your sister's fault and from what you have said on your emails that you have been a great sister to her but that she just expecting too much.

From the emails you showed us from your sister, she seems very angry and highly strung whereas the ones you wrote seemed reasoned and calm eventhough all the issues had built up over decades.

warehouse

If your Sister was a friend and not a relative, would you endure this ongoing cr*p?

SuzieSue

warehouse wrote: »

If your Sister was a friend and not a relative, would you endure this ongoing cr*p?

Exactly. We all need to make a greater effort with family, but there are limits and I think the OP has reached hers.