dilemma help please

pukkamum

CH27 wrote: »

Oh my! Your poor mum.
She must feel dreadful at being caught in the middle of you both.

I know she does CH27 and this is the main reason I have held my tongue for so very long, but I have learned from bitter experience that keeping things in only leads to bitterness and self hatred, and it really is time my mum woke up to what my sister puts me through time after time.
I am tired of being the bad guy.

SuzieSue

pukkamum wrote: »

You are right Suzie my mum has always enabled her behaviour, always justifying her actions and convincing everyone that she can't help it, it's not her fault, it's because she is unhappy etc.
Well she is unhappy because of choices she made and I am no longer willing to be made to feel sorry for her because of her skewed views of what life should be like, she has lawys expected perfection from people and life and when that inevitably goes wrong she blames everyone else.
I know I am going on but it is good to be able to talk these things through with people not emotionally connected.

Yes, sounds just like my family. Mother are supposed to be fair and impartial but they aren't always.

Unless someone has been in the situation that you and I have it is very difficult for them to understand.

The most important thing in your life is your own happiness and if you don't ensure you are happy then no-one else is going to. Everyone needs to look after themselves and you need to start putting yourself and your immediate family first.

SuzieSue

CH27 wrote: »

Post 82.
OP says she knows this will be killing her mum.

Yes it will. My mother hated us all fighting eventhough she was the main cause of it but she just couldn't see it.

clairemosa

White lies sometimes work and is good but telling the truth would be better. But I think it would be much better if you Thank your sister and try to change your mind and go then enjoy yourself.

Saint_Chris

SuzieSue wrote: »

Not all mothers are innocent and are often the cause of conflict between siblings.

We do not know anything about the OP's relationship with her mother and her mother's influence on the rest of the family.

No maybe not all mothers are, but there has been no slagging of the mother.

we do not know anything about the op's relationship with her sister.............we only know what she has told us.................her side. But yet off a few hastly written tit for tat e-mails flying backwards and forwards,

The OP had to do what she did because she was being down trodden by her
dominating sister

Is this the dominating sister who made a mistake, by buying her sister a birthday present.......................

SuzieSue

Saint_Chris wrote: »

No maybe not all mothers are, but there has been no slagging of the mother.

we do not know anything about the op's relationship with her sister.............we only know what she has told us.................her side. But yet off a few hastly written tit for tat e-mails flying backwards and forwards,



Is this the dominating sister who made a mistake, by buying her sister a birthday present.......................

I think her sister's emails tell us a lot about her sister. If you can't see it then there is nothing I can say.

Yes, half a ticket and not even asking her if her OH would like to come and then inviting people the OP doesn't like. Over 30 people thanked the 2nd poster on this thread who said the the OP shouldn't go.

LannieDuck

Oh dear Talk about six of one and half a dozen of the other. How old are the two of you?? If it weren't for the references to multiple kids, I would guess at 16-17?

pukkamum wrote: »

PUKKAMUM WHAT WERE THE CHANCES THAT BOTH YOU AND PUKKADAD WOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO LEAVE THE KIDS AND COME TO LONDON FOR A GIG. I THOUGHT OF YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE MY SISTER AND IT WAS CLOSE TO YOUR BIRTHDAY. I THOUGHT YOU NEEDED A BREAK AND I THOUGHT YOU WOULD ENJOY IT. IT REALLY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MY PERCEPTION OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR HUSBAND. I WAS JUST DOING SOMETHING NICE FOR MY SISTER

This actually sounds like a decent explanation.

pukkamum

Saint Chris I hate to be a pedant but she didn't really buy me a ticket she paid for half a ticket, that i'm still not convinced she paid for, but that is a different story.
Had she simply had a rant about me not going then fair enough but it wasn't it was a tirade of abuse about my lack of effort with her family which had no grounding in reality and it is by no means the first time.
Of course you only have my side of the story but that is all I can do, i have admitted to her that I have been rubbish at going on nights out etc but I will not accept that I do not care about her or her family, and really do not feel that my not going justified such a response.

Pollycat

clairemosa wrote: »

White lies sometimes work and is good but telling the truth would be better. But I think it would be much better if you Thank your sister and try to change your mind and go then enjoy yourself.

I think there is more chance of hell freezing over than the OP changing her mind and going to the concert at this stage in their relationship.

Have you read the last five pages - from reply #29 page 2?

pukkamum

LannieDuck wrote: »

Oh dear Talk about six of one and half a dozen of the other. How old are the two of you?? If it weren't for the references to multiple kids, I would guess at 16-17?



This actually sounds like a decent explanation.

Yes I accept that as reasonable if I felt it was true which I know it wasn't, she was well aware I had already spoken to my mum about her having the kids so me and pukkadad could get away and this would have been perfect, it's just another example of things being twisted so I look like the bad guy.