dilemma help please

SuzieSue

pukkamum wrote: »

Yes I accept that as reasonable if I felt it was true which I know it wasn't, she was well aware I had already spoken to my mum about her having the kids so me and pukkadad could get away and this would have been perfect, it's just another example of things being twisted so I look like the bad guy.

Yes, some people are very cunning and if you are not (like me and probably you), it is very difficult to cope with.

delain

Pollycat wrote: »

I think there is more chance of hell freezing over than the OP changing her mind and going to the concert at this stage in their relationship.

Have you read the last five pages - from reply #29 page 2?

I think it might be a spammer trying to get a post count high enough for links, from the vague tone of it.

Saint_Chris

SuzieSue wrote: »

I think her sister's emails tell us a lot about her sister. If you can't see it then there is nothing I can say.

Yes, half a ticket and not even asking her if her OH would like to come and then inviting people the OP doesn't like. Over 30 people thanked the 2nd poster on this thread who said the the OP shouldn't go.

Like i said i people see it different, and you see it as your way from your experience, i see it different from my experience...........

Here was my originial reply to her thread.

if it was a girlie weekend then i would consider going.

but as it seems
it's 2 married couples and you, i would then say no, i would just ring my
sister, tell her how it's lovely but i will be spending my birthday with my
husband.

it was then up to the op how she dealt with it, and again, i think she opened herself up in her 1st e-mail to her sister. with this

not sure what the thinking behind that was.

SuzieSue

Pollycat wrote: »

I think there is more chance of hell freezing over than the OP changing her mind and going to the concert at this stage in their relationship.

Have you read the last five pages - from reply #29 page 2?

Sorry, had to laugh at this.

OP, ensure you watch as many comedies as possible over the next few days - Friends and Big Bang Theory are perfect. You need to laugh as much as possible and get all this stress out of your system. Crying is not going to help anyone and it will lower your immunity and make you ill.

jellyhead

LannieDuck wrote: »

This actually sounds like a decent explanation.

I'm not sure about that. Doesn't the OP have her mum to babysit, and said that her mum was going to babysit so she could have a night out with her husband? The sister knows that she has a babysitter. Money, on the other hand, might have been a barrier to them both going but they could have made that decision together if they had known the true facts.

By true facts I mean that the sister is going as a couple, and has invited another couple. It's not a sisterly get-together, it's a 'friends of the sister' outing that involves couples, but excludes OP's husband.

They could have talked about it and decided between themselves whether he could afford to go or not. If it's a gig he'd really love then perhaps they could have decided it would be his birthday and christmas present for the next few years - I don't know how skint they are, but they do, and they could have sorted it out to their own satisfaction, or they could have decided that she would go on her own.

It wasn't the sister's decision to make for her. The sister is in the wrong here, however I think Pukkamum could have worded her email a bit differently so as not to put the sister on the defence, but who am I to criticise. I've had some awful rows with my sister in the past. Now that we're in our 40's we actually like each other

pukkamum

Saint_Chris wrote: »

Like i said i people see it different, and you see it as your way from your experience, i see it different from my experience...........

Here was my originial reply to her thread.



it was then up to the op how she dealt with it, and again, i think she opened herself up in her 1st e-mail to her sister. with this

Perhaps I did Chris but I still feel her reaction and the other stuff she came out with was very over the top and typical of her and yes it got my back up, I have been nothing but supportive of her all our lives and to have my support be denied and torn to shreds was just too much. I could have just not replied but that is what I have always done and look where it has got me, perhaps this will mean she opens her eyes about the position she puts people in, sadly though I suspect not.

pukkamum

jellyhead wrote: »

I'm not sure about that. Doesn't the OP have her mum to babysit, and said that her mum was going to babysit so she could have a night out with her husband? The sister knows that she has a babysitter. Money, on the other hand, might have been a barrier to them both going but they could have made that decision together if they had known the true facts.

By true facts I mean that the sister is going as a couple, and has invited another couple. It's not a sisterly get-together, it's a 'friends of the sister' outing that involves couples, but excludes OP's husband.

They could have talked about it and decided between themselves whether he could afford to go or not. If it's a gig he'd really love then perhaps they could have decided it would be his birthday and christmas present for the next few years - I don't know how skint they are, but they do, and they could have sorted it out to their own satisfaction, or they could have decided that she would go on her own.

It wasn't the sister's decision to make for her. The sister is in the wrong here, however I think Pukkamum could have worded her email a bit differently so as not to put the sister on the defence, but who am I to criticise. I've had some awful rows with my sister in the past. Now that we're in our 40's we actually like each other

Thank you Jellyhead this is exactly my point why were we not given that option? Because she never thinks of things from others perspectives and as I say this isn't the first time she has left my husband out. My husband said she hates to see us together as it shows up the flaws in her own relationship but I am saying nothing........
I know I am far from perfect and sometimes I'm a bit rubbish with wanting to go over to her house but I have explained all that to her and she still does not accept it.

Saint_Chris

Of course you only have my side of the story but that is all I can do, i have
admitted to her that I have been rubbish at going on nights out etc but I will
not accept that I do not care about her or her family, and really do not feel
that my not going justified such a response

And i'm not dissing your side,

to me she's not daft she knows you care for her kids etc.........but it's thrown back at you in anger

I wonder what the replies would be if your sister posted a topic, about this, and gave her version.

not having a go or anything, just i don't quite see it as you and some others do.......but hey ho that's what makes the world go round.

SuzieSue

pukkamum wrote: »

sometimes I'm a bit rubbish with wanting to go over to her house but I have explained all that to her and she still does not accept it.

Why should you do things you don't want to do? If you don't want to go to her house, don't, it shouldn't be a chore.

You should visit your sister only if you want to or if she needs you because she is ill (but only if she would do the same for you).

victory

pukkamum wrote: »

I know I am far from perfect and sometimes I'm a bit rubbish with wanting to go over to her house but I have explained all that to her and she still does not accept it.

And were back to 2 people seeing the same thing differently, your sis sees it as you don't make enough effort/don't go enough etc and you see it as a chore/can't always be bothered to/don't want to have to, why can't she visit you? type thing and so the problem of who does what when why how goes on:D