dilemma help please

pukkamum

sorry to resurrect but just had this message from my other sister
read your emails to sister and quite frankly i'm disgusted you need to seriously think about your approach to people.

I have posted all emails recieved and sent and please can I have some honest opinions on what I said as I cannot for the life of me see what I said that was so disgusting.

Pollycat

pukkamum wrote: »

sorry to resurrect but just had this message from my other sister
read your emails to sister and quite frankly i'm disgusted you need to seriously think about your approach to people.

I have posted all emails recieved and sent and please can I have some honest opinions on what I said as I cannot for the life of me see what I said that was so disgusting.

Oh dear, Pukkamum, it seems the time for your family to take sides is upon you!

I hope this doesn't screw up your relationships with other family members.

OK - to what your other sister said:
has she also seen your sister's emails to you and read them all in sequence so she can see how this sorry situtation evolved?
Or has your sister just shown her selective emails to make her look better in this?

I think that's important because, yes (imho) some of your emails were bad but they were in response to your sister's abusive ones but your first email was OK.

It was the reply from your sister to that one that had me sat back in my chair thinking 'Whao Lady, wind your neck in!'.

And also do consider that your sister may have not reported the facts accurately to other family members - she told you it was a girly weekend when it clearly wasn't.

I really, really think the time has come to step away from the keyboard and either phone or visit this 2nd sister who seems to be on the oher side to you at the moment.
Do not text, do not email back - this neeeds sorting verbally.

pukkamum

Yes Pollycat I do wonder if she has even seen the ones I recieved or if they were edited in some way, I accept I said some harsh things but none I don't think that were not a reaction to an accusation thrown at me.
This exactly how I thought it would pan out just waiting for the inevitable phone call from mum telling me how awful I am.

I tried phoning my other sister but she isn't picking up so just left her a message asking her to phone me back, if she doesn't then I am just going to leave it, it's not the first time i've been the bad guy and pretty sure it won't be the last, and quite frankly I am so tired of the whole thing.

I have got an awful feeling that this is going to be me ostracised from the rest of the family.

LannieDuck

Your sister over-reacted in her first message, but after that your e-mails were just as bad as your sister's. There were a lot of accusations and bad feeling flying both ways.

LannieDuck

pukkamum wrote: »

I accept I said some harsh things but none I don't think that were not a reaction to an accusation thrown at me.

And there's the problem. I imagine your sister sees her responses in exactly the same way.

pukkamum

LannieDuck wrote: »

Your sister over-reacted in her first message, but after that your e-mails were just as bad as your sister's. There were a lot of accusations and bad feeling flying both ways.

Yes I agree that the emails sent from both parties were bad but I really cannot see how I am the disgusting one and she is completely innocent.
I fully expected for her to be angry about me not going but for her say I make no effort with her or her family and that from now on she wouldn't be bothering with me was over the top and I just didn't feel I could let that lie.
I also feel pretty annoyed that she has instantly involved our other sister, this surely is nobody elses business but our own.

SuzieSue

Is your other sister usually impartial or does she tend to go with the flow and side with your mother and your first sister?

I think you have been thoroughly reasonable and reconciliatory in your emails so I don't know what your other sister is talking about. You didn't say anything about not wanting to see your first sister again.

Yes, you did make accusations, but your first sister did not deny any of them and, for example, her answer to your statement that you have done so much for her son was to say that she wasn't going to reply to it, not that you hadn't done it.

Really, your family sounds just like my family which is why I, like you, have had enough of them.

You say that you have often been seen as the bad guy, well it seems to me that they are all bad guys and thoroughly unreasonable and that you are the only good guy.

I don't know if you have reading this thread:

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4422855

But, here is also someone else whose whole family is completely unreasonable.

I don't know what to suggest as I can't see what you have done or said that is wrong.

SuzieSue

pukkamum wrote: »

I also feel pretty annoyed that she has instantly involved our other sister, this surely is nobody elses business but our own.

But surely you can't be surprised that she has. If she is anything like my sister, she will want to make sure that everyone hates you and likes her.

SuzieSue

LannieDuck wrote: »

And there's the problem. I imagine your sister sees her responses in exactly the same way.

Yes, but the OP responded honestly to the accusation, her first sister couldn't as everything the OP had "accused" her of was true.

The OP's first sister can't argue back because the OP is right, and so her only form of defence is to turn the rest of the family against the OP.

CH27

SuzieSue wrote: »

But surely you can't be surprised that she has. If she is anything like my sister, she will want to make sure that everyone hates you and likes her.

You cannot judge anyone else's family dynamic on yours.
Your experience is blinding you from seeing the full picture.