dilemma help please

SuzieSue

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

I agree with this to a certain degree except for one major component: the tone and language Pukka used seemed far more courteous in a way that her sister's was not. The sister was aggressive and used personal attacks that I don't recall (perhaps I'm incorrect) Pukka using. Or maybe it just read better and the attacks were more polite ;-)


Personally, I would happily walk away from people using this sort of language. I would be furious at the 'problem' sister bringing the other sister and mum into the disagreement. She has totally over stepped the mark for me.

Thanks you Lunar. I was beginning to think that I had been reading different emails to everyone else.

The OP has been totally reconciliatory throughout and her first sister has been totally abusive and unreasonable throughout.

Mojisola

pukkamum wrote: »

sorry to resurrect but just had this message from my other sister

read your emails to sister and quite frankly i'm disgusted you need to seriously think about your approach to people.

I have posted all emails recieved and sent and please can I have some honest opinions on what I said as I cannot for the life of me see what I said that was so disgusting.

When arguments flare up between family or friends, I would always want to hear both sides before jumping in to support one or staying neutral. It sounds as if this sister has a bias in favour of big sister.

SuzieSue

Mojisola wrote: »

When arguments flare up between family or friends, I would always want to hear both sides before jumping in to support one or staying neutral. It sounds as if this sister has a bias in favour of big sister.

Yes, that is an excellent point and back ups what the OP has been saying about the dynamics in her family.

Jo_F

Have been watching this one with interest as myself and my siblings don't get on, oil and water would be a more accurate description!

I last spoke to my sister around 6 years ago, have had no need to speak to her since, the same with my brother.

My sister is an evil twisted manipulative cow (that's the family safe definition), but of course in all troubles she comes across as butter wouldn't melt. She caused my mum and aunty to stop speaking after she attacked my cousin via text, and of course only showed my cousin's responses to my mum, the same with the last argument me and her had.

I am painted as the bad guy, so much so that my mum and dad were going to take all the family for a meal for their wedding anniversary, but decided not to as putting the three of us together was likely to result in me kicking off! (my mum's words there!)

So I have nothing to do with any of them, have more conversations with my ex brother in law than I do my sister (of course she was the innocent party when her perfect marriage broke up), life is so much better not having to think about them, any of them.

SuzieSue

LannieDuck wrote: »

As it has been here - this started off as being about a birthday present

This has nothing to do with a birthday present. It is about what has been going on for decades and the OP has finally snapped.

Lunar_Eclipse

SuzieSue wrote: »

I was beginning to think that I had been reading different emails to everyone else.

You're not, but I can see what CH is getting at too.

Pukka - I'd be tempted to reply to your other sister along the lines of:
I'm so sorry you've been dragged in to this incredibly upsetting situation. Whilst I'd be surprised if you're aware of all the details given your e-mail, it really isn't your problem so I'll spare you the distress that I am currently experiencing. I hope everything is ok with you.

LannieDuck

SuzieSue, you don't seem to be keeping in mind that we've only heard one side of the story. Whilst I'm sure the OP is only giving the facts as they see it, I'd be very surprised if the sister didn't have a different version of events.

SuzieSue

LannieDuck wrote: »

SuzieSue, you don't seem to be keeping in mind that we've only heard one side of the story. Whilst I'm sure the OP is only giving the facts as they see it, I'd be very surprised if the sister didn't have a different version of events.

Yes, normally I would agree, but unless the OP has edited her sister's emails then I have heard both sides.

I can't see that the OP would have edited the emails as the OP genuinely wants impartial advice and so it would be counterproductive.

pukkamum

Thank you so much everybody I really needed objective (as much as you can give with only my side to tell) opinions as if I have been awful disgusting and unreasonable I really need to know because if I have I will be more than willing to apologise to her.

DH of course takes my side which of course he would so I cannot rely on him for objectivity.

SuzieSue your posts are invaluable, to know that I am not the only one to go through this and to have someone batting for me as such is great.
Suzie the point about the posh meals is bang on I too hate that kind of thing and I think this may be part of where the problem lies, they think that because I don't want to do that kind of thing I am in some way ungrateful.

A perfect example was my edler sisters 40th she told me that aside from a family and friends party she had arranged a meal out that she desperately wnated me to be at, I agreed even though it was at a place 30miles away and I woul dhave to go without DH (again) she then sent me the details, it was a set menu at £65 per head not including drinks, no way I was able to pay that much and so I had to decline.

She then told me she would pay half seems a lovely gesture til i tell you that the last time she did that she shouted across the table how much wine are you having remember I am HAVING to pay for you, in front of her friends.
And so yet again I was ungrateful.

pukkamum

SuzieSue wrote: »

Yes, normally I would agree, but unless the OP has edited her sister's emails then I have heard both sides.

I can't see that the OP would have edited the emails as the OP genuinely wants impartial advice and so it would be counterproductive.

I can honestly say the only editing has been of names, and places.