dilemma help please

SuzieSue

OP, I don't want to be the cause of you breaking ties with your family so it has to be your decision completely.

It has been easy for me to do, but I don't know how easy it will be for you so you need to consider this before you do it. But it only needs to be a short break, it doesn't have to be forever.

But what you mustn't do is go back in to the same situation that has been causing you so much misery over the last few years.

Best of luck.

pukkamum

Oh Suzie i am in no way being influenced by you as Chris says, you have given me your point of view as has he, I am not daft enough to be pushed into decisions by strangers on forums, I asked for honest opinions and that is what I got and I have taken what everybody has said on board even if it's not what I wanted to hear.

GlasweJen

As the middle sister in my own family I'd be demanding a meeting so I could knock both your heads together!

Pollycat

SuzieSue wrote: »

OP, I don't want to be the cause of you breaking ties with your family so it has to be your decision completely.

It has been easy for me to do, but I don't know how easy it will be for you so you need to consider this before you do it. But it only needs to be a short break, it doesn't have to be forever.

But what you mustn't do is go back in to the same situation that has been causing you so much misery over the last few years.

Best of luck.

Sadly, it might not be down to Pukkamum how long the break from her family might be.

I really hope that the whole family hasn't ranged themselves against her but if they have, all she can do is put her side of the story to them - if they'll listen.

I've felt really sad seeing this whole situation evolve.
Quite a few times I've wanted to shout 'Stop right there' but all we can do is offer advice.

SuzieSue

Saint_Chris wrote: »

I
'The rest of her family have behaved dispicably'

You must have more information, that i have, because i don't see that.

Well if you think that the way her first sister has behaved is acceptable then you are entitled to your opinion, as I assume that you would also behave like that so of course you are going to take the sister's side.

There must be other people like the OP's sister in this world (she can't be unique)and you are obviously one of them.

I would always behave like the OP has behaved so I am obviously going to side with her.

notakid

My honest opinion is that you do have a touch of victim hood about your posts, they might be very good reasons but it comes across loud and clear and as your sister sounds like a gogetter who tramples over things without a second thought and your more thoughtful cautious attitude probably winds her up.

Maybe this is how the rest of the family see you? I am going to say I think you have put yourself in a very difficult position here, the family are going to see it as dismissing a present as not good enough and therefore dismissing your sister. I realise this isn't the case and if I'm truthful I wouldn't want to go either but you went round things the wrong way. Blood boiling you sent texts you shouldn't have. It doesn't put you in a good light. Not when sister says look what happened when I tried to do something nice for Pukkamum! No matter how nicely you think you worded the messages people will be looking at the rejection of a gift.

The problem is all the baggage, its been brought in and clouded the issue. You need to take a step back for a couple of weeks and look at the situation again.

This could be a case of oil and water. Such different characters, such different outlooks on life. But you need to look at your own reaction to your sister, rather than your sisters numerous faults (she does sound abit of a monster) . Because that it where the problem lies.

SuzieSue

Pollycat wrote: »

Sadly, it might not be down to Pukkamum how long the break from her family might be.

I really hope that the whole family hasn't ranged themselves against her but if they have, all she can do is put her side of the story to them - if they'll listen.

I've felt really sad seeing this whole situation evolve.
Quite a few times I've wanted to shout 'Stop right there' but all we can do is offer advice.

No, it might well be out of the OP's control, but so was her life before all this happened.

The OP has to decide which is worse - cutting off ties with her family or carrying on as she has done for the last few years.

That was the decsion I had to make and I decided that carrying on as before was worse.

Mojisola

pukkamum wrote: »

Thanks Chris, my husband thinks this may well be a good thing, the stress and angst my relationship with her causes has affected us all over the years, he thinks that time apart with no contact is probably best as he knows that this can only go one way and that is for even more home truths to come out no doubt on both sides which is not going to help anyone.

He wants me to just walk away from it all.

He's seen what contact does to you and must be affected second-hand by it.

Take his advice.

If one family member is always the one "at fault", it can have an interesting effect on the rest of the family when that one withdraws. The family dynamics can no longer run on automatic.

warehouse

exarmydreamer wrote: »

or my children it is not worth them being called 'crackers', or being around loser's. So they don't see them either.

Absolutely bang on the money. Bravo.

Saint_Chris

SuzieSue wrote: »

Well if you think that the way her first sister has behaved is acceptable then you are entitled to your opinion, as I assume that you would also behave like that so of course you are going to take the sister's side.

There must be other people like the OP's sister in this world (she can't be unique)and you are obviously one of them.

I would always behave like the OP has behaved so I am obviously going to side with her.

You do not know me, yet you have jumped to that conclusion.
I never said that her 1st sister's behaviour was acceptable, but i did see her point of view...............totally different.


May i just add that it seems to me that from the above comment.........your sister got the better end of your falling out.

BTW i will be reporting your post. Because that is a disgusting thing to say about somebody, who has a difference of opinion to you.