dilemma help please

pukkamum

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

You're not, but I can see what CH is getting at too.

Pukka - I'd be tempted to reply to your other sister along the lines of:
I'm so sorry you've been dragged in to this incredibly upsetting situation. Whilst I'd be surprised if you're aware of all the details given your e-mail, it really isn't your problem so I'll spare you the distress that I am currently experiencing. I hope everything is ok with you.

Thank you Lunar, I too see what CH27 is getting at and that reply is perfect I am going to send that word for word now, I have avoided responding as I am too worried about being overly emotional and starting another war!

SuzieSue

pukkamum wrote: »

Thank you so much everybody I really needed objective (as much as you can give with only my side to tell) opinions as if I have been awful disgusting and unreasonable I really need to know because if I have I will be more than willing to apologise to her.

DH of course takes my side which of course he would so I cannot rely on him for objectivity.

SuzieSue your posts are invaluable, to know that I am not the only one to go through this and to have someone batting for me as such is great.
Suzie the point about the posh meals is bang on I too hate that kind of thing and I think this may be part of where the problem lies, they think that because I don't want to do that kind of thing I am in some way ungrateful.

A perfect example was my edler sisters 40th she told me that aside from a family and friends party she had arranged a meal out that she desperately wnated me to be at, I agreed even though it was at a place 30miles away and I woul dhave to go without DH (again) she then sent me the details, it was a set menu at £65 per head not including drinks, no way I was able to pay that much and so I had to decline.

She then told me she would pay half seems a lovely gesture til i tell you that the last time she did that she shouted across the table how much wine are you having remember I am HAVING to pay for you, in front of her friends.
And so yet again I was ungrateful.

You poor thing, I really feel for you as you have had to put up with a lot with you family (mine are as bad but in different ways).

I really don't know what to suggest except that you need to start putting yourself and your immediate family first like I have and try to be happy (I am extremely happy now).

There is too much going on with your family for you to be able to resolve it and I really think that you shouldn't contact them anymore unless they contact you and then if they do then you should apologise for any misunderstandings but ensure that the situation doesn't go back to the way it has been and that you always put your happiness first.

That is exactly what I have done and I am very happy.

Remember to watch as many comedies as you can in the next few days and laugh as much as you can, it really helps.

Saint_Chris

pukkamum wrote: »

SuzieSue can I ask if you actually made the decision and told her you no longer wanted contact or have you just let it slide? I really do not want a family feud and to not see her again, I do love her and my 2 nephews, I just want the pressure and guilt making to go away.

Well you've got what you didn't want, and by the bucket load it seems.
Plus you've now got more added pressure than you had before..........and since you wrote that above thread, the whole family are now involved, and if it was me i would be now feeling a hell of a lot worse than i did, when i wrote the above post.

There is now only you and you only can make the decission as to what you do.......................

1 - you either try and salvage something from this mess

or

2 - you walk away, and this will probably cause problems for the kids, although both parties say it won't..........it does, and the future generation are damaged, by the actions of grown up people in the family.

3 - What does you husband think that you should do......?

Lunar_Eclipse

Remember time heals all wounds and blood is thicker than water.

I think you just all need some space and to accept that you do not need to agree on the past to move forwards. Respecting the individual is key. We don't hold the same opinion/version of events but I love you, I'm sorry for my part in the disagreement and would like to move forwards might help here, when the time is right - which is not now!

SuzieSue

Saint_Chris wrote: »

Well you've got what you didn't want, and by the bucket load it seems.
Plus you've now got more added pressure than you had before..........and since you wrote that above thread, the whole family are now involved, and if it was me i would be now feeling a hell of a lot worse than i did, when i wrote the above post.

There is now only you and you only can make the decission as to what you do.......................

1 - you either try and salvage something from this mess

or

2 - you walk away, and this will probably cause problems for the kids, although both parties say it won't..........it does, and the future generation are damaged, by the actions of grown up people in the family.

3 - What does you husband think that you should do......?

Can you give the OP a break? None of this is her fault. It has been going on for decades (have you read how her family has behaved towards her for years?).

The OP is the only person to come out of this with any dignity. The rest of her family have behaved dispicably (sp?).

pukkamum

Saint_Chris wrote: »

Well you've got what you didn't want, and by the bucket load it seems.
Plus you've now got more added pressure than you had before..........and since you wrote that above thread, the whole family are now involved, and if it was me i would be now feeling a hell of a lot worse than i did, when i wrote the above post.

There is now only you and you only can make the decission as to what you do.......................

1 - you either try and salvage something from this mess

or

2 - you walk away, and this will probably cause problems for the kids, although both parties say it won't..........it does, and the future generation are damaged, by the actions of grown up people in the family.

3 - What does you husband think that you should do......?

Thanks Chris, my husband thinks this may well be a good thing, the stress and angst my relationship with her causes has affected us all over the years, he thinks that time apart with no contact is probably best as he knows that this can only go one way and that is for even more home truths to come out no doubt on both sides which is not going to help anyone.
He wants me to just walk away from it all.

SuzieSue

pukkamum wrote: »

Thanks Chris, my husband thinks this may well be a good thing, the stress and angst my relationship with her causes has affected us all over the years, he thinks that time apart with no contact is probably best as he knows that this can only go one way and that is for even more home truths to come out no doubt on both sides which is not going to help anyone.
He wants me to just walk away from it all.

That is exactly what my OH said to me and we are both so relieved that I did. It has transformed our lives completely.

Lucy_Lastic

My God, I'm so glad I do not have sisters - or brothers!

Oh, forgot, I do have a half brother, we have had no contact for about 11 years. All his fault of course.

Saint_Chris

SuzieSue wrote: »

Can you give the OP a break? None of this is her fault. It has been going on for decades (have you read how her family has behaved towards her for years?).

The OP is the only person to come out of this with any dignity. The rest of her family have behaved dispicably (sp?).

If the op wants a break, then stay away from the forum, and make her own decissions, because from what i'm reading, you are pushing her into making the decission, that you made. To cut all ties forever with her family..............

'The rest of her family have behaved dispicably'

You must have more information, that i have, because i don't see that.

SuzieSue

Saint_Chris wrote: »

If the op wants a break, then stay away from the forum, and make her own decissions, because from what i'm reading, you are pushing her into making the decission, that you made. To cut all ties forever with her family..............

'The rest of her family have behaved dispicably'

You must have more information, that i have, because i don't see that.

The OP is not stupid, she has read your post as well as mine and is quite capable of deciding what to do for herself. She has replied to your post and has confirmed that her husband agrees with me.

And I have never said that she should cut ties forever. I have only cut ties for a month with my family and I have no idea how long it is going to last.