dilemma help please

SuzieSue

victory wrote: »

No that's not the way I was trying to e plain it. Both sis are now on the defence, angry, resentful bringing up past you did this you did that, both trying for the last word, to bring back some control, so now leave it, calm, wait, then emails what's written don't come over wrong, things don't get read into them that are not there, take away the adrenalin surge of dislike and the points are easier to see and digest:D

Yes, I agree that the dust needs to be left to settle now. They have both told the other how they feel (unfortunately, the OP's sister's immediate response is to want to stop all contact with her, but there is nothing the OP can do about that).

Saint_Chris

OMG

I can't believe what i've just read.

i agreed with you at 1st about, not inviting your husband, and suggested that maybe you should say 'thanks to your sister, but your going to spend it with your husband'

I wouldn't have sent an e-mail, i would have done it by phone and if she didn't answer, i would have then text her and asked her to send me a text back, telling me a time i could ring because i needed to speak to her.

And i do see that in your replies to her, you have gone way of the subject, and have brough children into it, and in lots of your replies, it comes across as 'i did...i did....i did.....i do...i do.....i do...............

And i think this is what has brought the nasty replies from her.

Remember it's just outsiders opinions, as we do not know the full story, and i guess that your sisters would be much different than yours, you've only got to watch jeremy kyle every morning to see differences of opinions and facts in families.

but

I know this will be killing my mum too.

Did you actually think this when you were replying to your sisters e-mails............when people on here were constantly telling you to step away from the computer.

Who do i feel sorry for your mum

pukkamum

victory wrote: »

No that's not the way I was trying to e plain it. Both sis are now on the defence, angry, resentful bringing up past you did this you did that, both trying for the last word, to bring back some control, so now leave it, calm, wait, then emails what's written don't come over wrong, things don't get read into them that are not there, take away the adrenalin surge of dislike and the points are easier to see and digest:D

You are right victory but I must say this is the most honest conversation (on my part) that we have had for years there has always been something simmering beneath the surface and now it is out in the open which must in some ways be good, prior to this I would just go along with her and seeth inside. My mum wants us to talk but unfortunately I know that in a conversation I would end up in tears and she would get her own way resulting in me apologising.
Rather tellingly the first words out of my mums mouth when I spoke to her were 'well she isn't very well at the moment you know' so once again her behaviour is being justified by my mum as it always is.

pukkamum

Saint_Chris wrote: »

OMG

I can't believe what i've just read.

i agreed with you at 1st about, not inviting your husband, and suggested that maybe you should say 'thanks to your sister, but your going to spend it with your husband'

I wouldn't have sent an e-mail, i would have done it by phone and if she didn't answer, i would have then text her and asked her to send me a text back, telling me a time i could ring because i needed to speak to her.

And i do see that in your replies to her, you have gone way of the subject, and have brough children into it, and in lots of your replies, it comes across as 'i did...i did....i did.....i do...i do.....i do...............

And i think this is what has brought the nasty replies from her.

Remember it's just outsiders opinions, as we do not know the full story, and i guess that your sisters would be much different than yours, you've only got to watch jeremy kyle every morning to see differences of opinions and facts in families.

but




Did you actually think this when you were replying to your sisters e-mails............when people on here were constantly telling you to step away from the computer.

Who do i feel sorry for your mum

I see what you are saying and had she just sent an email saying she was peed off with me for not going to London then fair dos however, she didn't she sent me an extremely nasty email full of expletives about my lack of sisterly effort which I felt I had to defend, things had to be said and it is unfortunate that they had to be said in the heat of the moment but TBH they never would have been said otherwise.

SuzieSue

Saint_Chris wrote: »

OMG


Who do i feel sorry for your mum

Not all mothers are innocent and are often the cause of conflict between siblings.

We do not know anything about the OP's relationship with her mother and her mother's influence on the rest of the family.

The OP had to do what she did because she was being down trodden by her dominating sister.

She has done exactly what you are telling her to do (ie stay away from the keyboard) for decades and where has it got her? Nowhere. The stress has been building up over the years and she had to let it out and it is good that she did.

CH27

Oh my! Your poor mum.
She must feel dreadful at being caught in the middle of you both.

Saint_Chris

I see what you are saying and had she just sent an email saying she was peed
off with me for not going to London then fair dos however, she didn't she sent
me an extremely nasty email full of expletives about my lack of sisterly effort
which I felt I had to defend, things had to be said and it is unfortunate that
they had to be said in the heat of the moment but TBH they never would have been
said otherwise.

yeah i saw that, i would have probably replied with 'ok then', or not replied and gone off and had a glass of wine, and cry.......because that is me i don't want confrontation,

what you did wrong (for me) was in your 1st e-mail, when you put.

not sure what the thinking behind that was.

you opened yourself up to her replying........which i do agree was nasty and agressive.............but.............you have replied to her.........which has now become a tit for tat, and it's all or most of it out there now.

How it goes from here is anybodys guess.

Good luck

SuzieSue

CH27 wrote: »

Oh my! Your poor mum.
She must feel dreadful at being caught in the middle of you both.

Not all mothers are innocent and are often the cause of conflict between siblings.

We do not know anything about the OP's relationship with her mother and her mother's influence on the rest of the family.

pukkamum

You are right Suzie my mum has always enabled her behaviour, always justifying her actions and convincing everyone that she can't help it, it's not her fault, it's because she is unhappy etc.
Well she is unhappy because of choices she made and I am no longer willing to be made to feel sorry for her because of her skewed views of what life should be like, she has lawys expected perfection from people and life and when that inevitably goes wrong she blames everyone else.
I know I am going on but it is good to be able to talk these things through with people not emotionally connected.

CH27

SuzieSue wrote: »

Not all mothers are innocent and are often the cause of conflict between siblings.

We do not know anything about the OP's relationship with her mother and her mother's influence on the rest of the family.

Post 82.
OP says she knows this will be killing her mum.