dilemma help please

pukkamum

victory wrote: »

You see it that way but your sis sees it that she has been let down?

You see how two people in the same situation have two very different versions of what happened?

Has your sis got anyone else helping her? Other family? Friends? is she younger than you and reliant on you? Is she having probs at work, financially, emotionally with her partner and needs you but instead of asking for help and coming across pleasant she goes on the attack, gets aggresive and it all comes out wrong?

Oh I can totally see the two views and how differently we see them.
She is the eldest by a few years, and has a lot of family support, my mum regulary does a 3 train journey to see her and although I suspect she may have some problems this is by no means out of character for her, she has been like this since we were kids, but as I always looked up to and adored her it was never an issue as I was always willing to do anything just to be with her.

SuzieSue

victory wrote: »

But with email you can wrongly read things into the wordings and that makes it worse:o

Lost in translation

It depends on the relationship. If you can have a calm conversation then fine, but if it descends into a shouting match then what is the point?

Email can be mis-read but at least you can explain the misunderstanding.

pukkamum

SuzieSue wrote: »

It depends on the relationship. If you can have a calm conversation then fine, but if it descends into a shouting match then what is the point?

Email can be mis-read but at least you can explain the misunderstanding.

You are right suzieSue I would never get my point across on the phone as she has the ability to turn me into a five yr old simpering and whimpering as she unleashes a torrent of reasons proving I am a bad sister.
It is almost like she tests my love by setting me trials that I only pass if I do exactly what she wants.

SuzieSue

pukkamum wrote: »

You are right suzieSue I would never get my point across on the phone as she has the ability to turn me into a five yr old simpering and whimpering as she unleashes a torrent of reasons proving I am a bad sister.
It is almost like she tests my love by setting me trials that I only pass if I do exactly what she wants.

Yes, been there and done it and am now free and extremely happy for it.

scooby088

OP my sister always knew how to make me feel guilty, never really stood up for myself with her until I got with my partner, she didn't like it that I got a girlfriend(yes I am male by the way) I haven't spoken to her for nearly 4 years and all the stress from her has gone away.

All I say is you can love your sister but you don't have to like her.

SuzieSue

scooby088 wrote: »

OP my sister always knew how to make me feel guilty, never really stood up for myself with her until I got with my partner, she didn't like it that I got a girlfriend(yes I am male by the way) I haven't spoken to her for nearly 4 years and all the stress from her has gone away.

All I say is you can love your sister but you don't have to like her.

Totally agree. Sometime all the stress a relative causes just isn't worth it. If you've tried to help her see reason and nothing works, then somtimes it is best to cut them out of your life.

pukkamum

SuzieSue can I ask if you actually made the decision and told her you no longer wanted contact or have you just let it slide? I really do not want a family feud and to not see her again, I do love her and my 2 nephews, I just want the pressure and guilt making to go away.

SuzieSue

pukkamum wrote: »

SuzieSue can I ask if you actually made the decision and told her you no longer wanted contact or have you just let it slide? I really do not want a family feud and to not see her again, I do love her and my 2 nephews, I just want the pressure and guilt making to go away.

I will pm you now as there is a lot more to my situation.

SuzieSue

pukkamum wrote: »

SuzieSue can I ask if you actually made the decision and told her you no longer wanted contact or have you just let it slide? I really do not want a family feud and to not see her again, I do love her and my 2 nephews, I just want the pressure and guilt making to go away.

I have just pm'd you.

I know you love your sister, but unfortunately the people we love sometimes cause us the most stress. Unless your sister can change to be more like the sister you want her to be then all you will get is the sort of stress you have had for 40 odd years.

I just decided I had had enough and sent my sister an email (about another member of my family) and my sister has has not contacted me since.

I don't know if I will ever have a relationship with her again, but I do know that I am so much happier without her in my life.

CH27

pukkamum wrote: »

Well I sent my email it was this

Hi ******
Just to let you know after consideration I won't be coming, I was under the impression that it was a girls weekend not a couples weekend that my husband had been left out of, which I must tell you has upset us both, not sure what the thinking behind that was.
I hope you can pass on the ticket, if not let me know and I will give you the money for it and sell it on myself.
Love **** x


And got this in return

What the f*** are you talking about **** - just for one I wish you would pick up the phone and speak to me rather than sending these sort of emails. I bought you a ticket because I know you would love to see him, my husband had bought me a ticket because he knows I would love to see him. There wasn't a chance in hell that both you and your husband would be able to take a weekend to london so forgive me for thinking about giving you a really nice treat.
I think its time you had a think about how you percieve people's actions and maybe actually ask some questions before jumping to massive conclusions.
I do so much to maintain a relationship with you and kids and to be honest you do f*** all (2 visits to my house in over a year???) so you can shove your indignation up your a**e I won't be making any sort of effort with you again

I think i'm in the dog house!
Am composing my reply, any advice?

If I received that email you sent I would be extremely p*ssed off.