dilemma help please

Pollycat

I'm a bit confused.

She says her husband bought her a ticket - is she saying her husband isn't going?
Have you jumped to a massive conclusion?

TBH, I actually agree with her about sending emails instead of phoning.

zzzLazyDaisy

I think it is unfortunate that you and your sister choose to discuss this sort of thing by text and e-mail because there is too much room for misunderstandings.

But if you are going to reply by e-mail, I wouldn't say much at all - it will only end up degenerating into an unpleasant exchange, and neither of you can take back what has been said.

So my response would probably be to leave her hanging and not give her the satisfaction of any reply at all. You will rise above it, and be the better person, which frankly will probably put her in her place much more than anything you can say to her.

But if you must reply, I suggest something like

'It is unfortunate that you feel that way, maybe it is best if we just drop it. Enjoy the evening. ' love and kisses Pukkamum.

(well maybe not the 'love and kisses' bit...:A )

Dx

Ames

Good! Well done. I know it's hard to do.

Just try and stick to the point and not bring other stuff into it, that's just giving her an excuse to ignore it because it's 'just' a rant, you must be having a bad day, or anything else she can think of to undermine you.

pukkamum

Pollycat wrote: »

I'm a bit confused.

She says her husband bought her a ticket - is she saying her husband isn't going?
Have you jumped to a massive conclusion?

TBH, I actually agree with her about sending emails instead of phoning.

No her husband is going and I think this is just BS on her part as she told me SHE had booked all the tickets, she is a compulsive liar and forgets what she has said.
I too don't like having to do emails but she never ever picks up the phone or calls back and also had I spoke to her she would have just shouted over me and wore me down, probably resulting in me apologising!

ValHaller

pukkamum wrote: »

I think i'm in the dog house!
Am composing my reply, any advice?

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

• Thanks for your reply. I shall display it with my birthday cards
• Have I really upset you or are you only slightly miffed?
• https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4401749 refers. Enjoy!

*Robin*

pukkamum wrote: »

What the f*** are you talking about **** - just for one I wish you would pick up the phone and speak to me rather than sending these sort of emails. I bought you a ticket because I know you would love to see him, my husband had bought me a ticket because he knows I would love to see him. There wasn't a chance in hell that both you and your husband would be able to take a weekend to london so forgive me for thinking about giving you a really nice treat.
I think its time you had a think about how you percieve people's actions and maybe actually ask some questions before jumping to massive conclusions.
I do so much to maintain a relationship with you and kids and to be honest you do f*** all (2 visits to my house in over a year???) so you can shove your indignation up your a**e I won't be making any sort of effort with you again

I think i'm in the dog house!
Am composing my reply, any advice?

:eek: How awful! :eek:

Please do not reply to this in haste!

..Why did she assume you and DH would not be able to have a weekend in London together?

19lottie82

Your sisters email is very aggressive but maybe she is right to feel a bit angry.

First off I would say she is right in the fact, that your prob could have phoned, rather than sending her an email telling her how she has upset you and your husband?

I think maybe you both have different view points on the weekend and how it has planned out.

I can understand her point that in her eyes she has tried to do something nice for you, you agreed to it and now have cancelled on her, via an email. (especially if there is any truth in her being the one that makes an effort)

There was no need for her to send such an aggressive and nasty email BUT I can understand why she might be angry.

victory

pukkamum wrote: »

Well I sent my email it was this

Hi ******
Just to let you know after consideration I won't be coming, I was under the impression that it was a girls weekend not a couples weekend that my husband had been left out of, which I must tell you has upset us both, not sure what the thinking behind that was.
I hope you can pass on the ticket, if not let me know and I will give you the money for it and sell it on myself.
Love **** x


And got this in return

What the f*** are you talking about **** - just for one I wish you would pick up the phone and speak to me rather than sending these sort of emails. I bought you a ticket because I know you would love to see him, my husband had bought me a ticket because he knows I would love to see him. There wasn't a chance in hell that both you and your husband would be able to take a weekend to london so forgive me for thinking about giving you a really nice treat.
I think its time you had a think about how you percieve people's actions and maybe actually ask some questions before jumping to massive conclusions.
I do so much to maintain a relationship with you and kids and to be honest you do f*** all (2 visits to my house in over a year???) so you can shove your indignation up your a**e I won't be making any sort of effort with you again

I think i'm in the dog house!
Am composing my reply, any advice?

Wow that is a very strong email:eek::eek: that's not to do with the issue of the tickets that is far deeper than that, the lack of visits, the lack of visits, lack of sisterly understanding, assumptions, years and years have been put into that email.

Ring her, get to the bottom of this.

pukkamum

Ames wrote: »

Good! Well done. I know it's hard to do.

Just try and stick to the point and not bring other stuff into it, that's just giving her an excuse to ignore it because it's 'just' a rant, you must be having a bad day, or anything else she can think of to undermine you.

Hmmm wish I had done that instead I sent this

I didn't pick up the phone cos a) you never answer the phone and b) I knew this would be the kind of response I got, I'm not sure what you mean by there being no chance me and my husband could go to London, and quite frankly this isn't the first time he's been left out of things and he's beginning to wonder why.

Two visits in a year? !!!!!!!!, erm came over when you first moved in, came over for your husbands 40th came over when you were pregnant, came over when you had the baby, came over for your 40th, how many times other than that have we been invited?

You need to remember that my husband works very long shifts in a very tiring job, driving for 1,1/2 hrs to get there and 1 1/2hrs back on a weekend for a cup of tea when he's either been working nights not getting up til sat aft or been up every morning at 4am is not something I am willing to ask him to do all the time. It's not like you and your husband who are with each other all day with the shifts my husband works there are times when he hasn't seen the kids at all and so weekends are precious.

You were the one who moved so far away without thinking about how it would impact on how much we see each other and that was your choice, jesus I saw hide nor hair or you when I had the baby even though you knew I was having a nightmare.

Perhaps you need to not jump to conclusions about what people can and can't do and I still see no reason why my husband wasn't invited, I actually was trying to get him a ticket so we could both come thats why I left it til now to contact you.

I'm sorry that you feel I make no effort like organising that night out with you me and our other sister, inviting you round during xmas and when that didn't happen having you and our other sister round taking your son on days out, having him for tea etc but if thats how you feel fair enough, yet again I am in the wrong and you are completely blameless.

I know that it is hard for you being all the way over there not seeing anyone but as I said before that was your choice, me and my husband have done a hell of a lot for you over the years and have always been there for you as you well know, so in terms of effort making I think we have done more than a lot of people would. I don't understand why you take everything anyone does that doesn't fit in with you want as a personal slight maybe you need to start thinking a bit more about other people.

Hmmm perhaps I should have just left it but she makes me soooo very ANGRY!
:mad::mad::mad:

snow_ball

I'd phone her at this stage. I much prefer communicating by text/email in most cases but I think at this stage you need to have a conversation to avoid any further bad feeling.

The email you sent her seemed a little formal so I can sort of understand why it got her back up, but her reply is clearly about more than that.

Just explain again on the phone that you're grateful for the thought but it's turned into something different than you'd expected and you don't fancy it? And maybe explain that you sometimes feel backed into a corner since that's clearly an ongoing issue?

ETA: Ah, too late.