Am I being unreasonable?

BitterAndTwisted

He's a pathetic excuse of a man. His problems are not yours to take on and resolve. You're not married, you have no children together, you have no joint-finances and you don't even live in the same house either.

Why are you so intent on absolving him of all the problems he has been making for himself? You are not his mother.

Carry on with this relationship if you wish because you're the one in control. Any man who humiliated me by stealing money from me under such false pretenses would be shown the door tout ruddy suite.

To him, you are the least important person in his life other than a rather accommodating and convenient cash-cow. Wake up and smell the damned coffee, will you?

Pthree

So basically if you get your £150 back everything will be alright with the world? Wake up!

He obviously couldn't give two hoots about your son, why would you want to be with someone like that??

Its a bit pathetic blaming his ex, what your saying is he isn't man enough to grow a pair and stand up to her, but he is quite happy to do it to you and let you down?

I would suck up the £150 and think of it as the cost of seeing his true colours and worth every penny.

sassyblue

Thought I'd posted to you OP but l can't see it, anyway.... It's difficult if you love him so by all means stay together BUT never, ever loan him another penny and make it clear you won't be bailing his kids out again. YOUR child comes first and l would NEVER have loaned someone money put aside for my child.

If he'd dared have told me that his daughter matters before your son with my own money, I'd have shown him the door - and not very politely. :eek:

olibrofiz

tintingirl wrote: »

However, turns out he had arranged with his ex to go to her house (20 doors up from his own house) for the evening and "spend some time with his daughter before she goes skiing" - so every night for the past week wasn't enough then?!?

After not seeing him all week he has basically had a better offer from his ex wife and so cancelled our evening together with no notice whatsoever.

These two bits stood out for me. Thought it was quite bizzare. He still has the family unit, and you're the 'bit on the side', however it may be dressed up. He tries to please them, and is unconcerned he's spent your sons trip money?

'We need to look at his DMP budget' - really? Sorry to be harsh, it reads like he really doesn't care about it. You can't help people who don't want to take responsibility for the mess they're in.

You sound nice and caring, but you need to harden up here OP, his mess is of his own making, he won't ever have a LBM if you don't leave him to recognise it.

EDIT : and no, you're not being unreasonable

Mrs_Optimist

Why is his debt problems your problem (or concern) if you are not financially linked? he is a grown man FGS, not a child.

You will continue to make excuses for him. Go ahead, but you have noone to blame but yourself when he continues to drag you down with him.

He will continue to see your children go without, as you bail him out, because YOU allow it.

He knows your financial circumstances because YOU tell him. Its none of his business. At all.


If £150 finally shows you the true nature of this man, it is £150 well spent.

However until you wise up and see that he is a selfish, immature man who is happy to take no responsibility for his finanances because you, or his dad, or A. N. Other will bail him out, and that he can heap all the blame on his ex to absolve himself of any responsibility for his cr#p money management, YOU will continue to put YOUR children as second priority to his needs. That sentence may be hard to read, but as a Mother myself, there is no way that I would ever help someone out, to the detriment of my own flesh and blood. And it seems as a Father, he feels the same.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow

Why is he paying maintenance to his ex wife if they have 50/50 care?

barbiedoll

Do you have a key to his house? If so, go in there, take the Wii and the games and get at least £100 of what you're owed. If he starts moaning, tell him that your son's ski trip is at least as important as his daughter's plus the money was donated by other people, it was not yours to give to him, it was agreed to be a short-term loan.
If he had borrowed the amount from say, Wonga, it would be costing a lot more! :eek:

As for sorting out his DMP, other posters are right, it's not your job, you're not a financially linked couple and it really has nothing to do with you. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink and he clearly has no idea of how a DMP works, he will have sorted out a budget and he HAS to stick to it or else the whole plan fails. You're just enabling him to spend money that he hasn't got, he has no way of learning how to budget and to do without things that he cannot afford if you keep giving him money.

If you want to stay with him, you need to keep your distance from his money problems. If he pays "too much" to his ex, that is his business, if he wants to spend money that he doesn't have, on his kids, then let him. Just don't let him spend any more of your money. And certainly don't give him money that is not yours to give!

Anouchka

Put yourself and your family first, stop making excuses for his behaviour, you know what you have to do .....

getmore4less

STOP getting involved in his financial affairs.

KEEP your financial affairs secret.

Saturnalia

60 posts and not one is telling you to stick with him.

Not one is telling you to forgive and forget.

Not one is telling you this relationship is healthy.

And not one telling you that you're the unreasonable one here.

You know the score, that's why you're asking the question.