Am I being unreasonable?

Amanda65

Do you know, I'd put up with a lot of carp from a lot of people (nothing major so far thank goodness, but niggly things) but the minute someone told me that, basically, my child wasn't important and their happiness didn't matter would be the minute they were shown the door. How dare he!

I realise that after 5 and a half years it won't be easy but with everything you have it sounds like you have to run his life for him. He is a grown man and needs to face up to his responsibilities. I think the old saying "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me" would be well remembered.

heretolearn_2

Oh bless you OP, it's so painful when the lightbulb suddenly goes on. You are not being unreasonable at all. You feel used and unappreciated because you are being used and unnappreciated.

He is a very selfish man, and I don't think he is treating you the way you deserve to be treated.

This would be the final straw for me. Especially his responses to you. His daughter is ok, so stuff your son, basically. Constant lies about silly excuses as to why he didn't make the transfer to you. Demanding access to your money and trying to make you feel bad when you very flexibly, kindly, and reasonably talked to him about repayment. Suspiciously keen to keep on his ex's good side and give her lots of money that stops him paying for his other responsibilities.

Get out, get out, run as fast as you can.

You probably won't get the money back off him, and it's not worth the stress and aggro. Worry about where you can find it for your son's trip - bank loan? Family? Friends? Advance on next month's salary from employer? And then forget this loser.

balletshoes

*max* wrote: »

He's an a$$hole. And you're unbelievably gullible.

Ditch him before it's REALLY too late.

And in the future, don't lend ANYONE the money you've put aside for your kid. Ever.

exactly this OP - in your first post in this thread you've clearly bent over backwards to understand your OH's point of view, given him loads of time to give you your money back, and get back on track with your normal routine.

Stop being so nice - no, you're not being unreasonable, your boyfriend is an idiot who hasn't learned his lesson at all yet about budgeting while being on a DMP. You loaning him money hasn't helped either, and I think you may have to accept you won't see that money again.

I'd be loudly furious by now over the money situation, never mind his complete dismissal of you this week over his children, when usually its not a problem.

nlj1520

I have been in a similar situation some years back. Lent the bloke money to pay his rent, fares to work etc etc. He would cancel arrangements at the last minute citing either sudden over time requests or needing to see his son. It was 6 months in when I found out that the last minute cancelations etc were because he was cheating on me.
Long story short, I finished it. If he's treating your child, your time and emotions without respect what is the point of being with him?
since I finished with the pratt I have met a lovely man and we've been together nearly 4 years. He treats me, my time and my happiness with immense respect and care. We still disagree over some things, but basically we each really want the other to be as happy as possible and have huge respect for each other. That's how it should be!

Mad-Frog

It's easy for people to say ditch him as they don't know you or your history with your boyfriend, but unfortunately they are all correct.

He is using you, sorry if that is blunt but it is true! He sees you as a cash card and does not respect you or your child.

My OH is way too soft with his kids (and they are adult kids now) but he is soft with everyone, my family and his grandchild too, that's the way he is, if he treated them so very differently as yours does then I am afraid the 'ditch' him advice is the right one

skintchick

Reminds me of some Iron Maiden lyrics: Run to the hills, run for your lives!

Seriously, ditch him. I think I'd probably not evenbother telling him he was dumped, I'd just stop taking his calls and not answer the door to him.

What a complete t0sser.

IT's hard Op especially after so long, but he doesn't love or respect you and you need to get out.

Borrow the trip money from someone, write it off with regards to your bf, and just move on.

You deserve so much better.

ValHaller

Before you ditch him, make sure you have a meal with him with your son present and in front of your son ask your soon to be ex to explain to your son why he will not be going on a ski trip. Make sure he has started eating.

jenhug

can you take the wii and the games off of him as payment?
And seriously, dump him. What a vile man.

Saturnalia

He's a thief. He 'borrowed' your son's trip money knowing what it was for and when you had to pay the school, he gave you his word he'd pay you in time for you to pay the school - and clearly had not the slightest intention of giving you your money back. (Or rather, giving your son his money back.)

And as for all his excuses as to why he hasn't paid you back yet, I read your post laughing my head off. Not because anything about it is remotely funny, but because I know the breed, girl do I ever know the breed. I've heard all of those excuses before - LUsers follow the script to the letter!

God he's good. He's managed to paint himself as the victim and make you question yourself - he's a lowlife who steals from his girlfriend's child!

Get shot of this clown while you are still 'only' £150 down. And before he takes off with the lady he's been romancing with your money. (It's what they do when they think your money is going to run dry. Don't kid yourself yours is the exception.) And that's before we get on to this ex who he puts above you at every turn. Funny definition of ex.

durham_girl

I would stay with him long enough to get the £150 back then ditch him.

He sounds awful, a liar and a user. Plus you should be coming higher up the totem pole than his ex wife!