Am I being unreasonable?

getmore4less

The mistake was getting involved in his money in the first place.

Cut the money supply.

probably resolve itself soon after.

Threebabes

He sounds awful, sorry, he really does.

I would be off like a shot. X

CH27

Why are you allowing yourself to be treated like a third rate acquaintance?

abailey54

What a t*sser - would he like to be the one to tell your son that he can't have a ski trip anymore because he spent all the money?!

He sounds very irresponsible and a bit of a coward for not telling you his plans much sooner - sorry to be so judgemental, I'm sure he has his good points else you wouldn't be with him for so long. But if you were to say you won't see him until he paid the money back, how long do you think it would take him to contact you?

go_cat

Sorry but you will always be second best to the demands of his ex wife an his daughter will always take priority over your son.

Get out now before he devalues you any more. It doesn't sound like an equal relationship anyway.

duchy

I think you start by giving the benefit of the doubt when you are basically an honest person who believes relationships are about give and take.......then comes a period of not wanting to see the person is taking and lying to keep you giving -and eventually most people have the blinkers resolved. Thoughts like "How could he do this to me and my children?" are pointless. Ultimately you have to ask yourself "Can I continue like this or do I put me and my kids first"

After five years you're not living together....Have you discussed long term plans -or was it always "When the kids have left home" or just not discussed ?

Have a hug-work out how to fund the trip however you can -and don't run after him -You'll soon find out if he cares . He may have felt pressured to "be a good Dad" and the rest is just not wanting to admit he mis-calculated . If you do continue with him though-enough with the handouts. Don't keep cash in the house so you don't have the odd £20 to give him for petrol etc. You don't need to be confrontational -just say "Sorry I don't have it"

RedBern

tintingirl wrote: »

I'm sitting here annoyed :mad: when I should be in bed, but my boyfriend thinks I am being unreasonable...


We've been together 5 1/2 years btw. I think that should mean I deserve some kind of respect?

Read back what you've written in the cold light of day - and think of your friend writing that....... would you tell her what a catch he sounds? No, I don't think so.

I don't care if you've been together 5 1/2 years or 5 1/2 weeks - that's no way to treat someone you're in a 'relationship' with. It's like reading about a fractious teenager. Run for the hills whilst you can.

Teeniepops

This post has played on my mind on the way to work (I posted earlier too).

How tied are you? I guess what I mean is, we are all saying similar things (I.e. leave him) - but how linked are you wrt living arrangements and living costs. This may sound daft given he sounds as much use as a chocolate fireguard, but consider if you DID leave (clearly, what we say and think is irrelevant in some regards as you will do what you feel best) - would you suffer?

Now...I'm not saying stay if you are linked for money reasons. What I mean is if you do want to walk away, ensure he can't mess you about more and add to your stresses.

If you do decide he's someone worth staying with, you do need to talk to him. Personally, I think thus is beyond a case of 'I didn't see it that way' as he sounds like he knows what he is doing. That said, people do learn.

If you do want to stay, he needs to step up. You both knew you had kids at the start and whilst you sound like you support him on this front, from your post he doesn't. This may be a bad e ample of someone who is decent most of the time - but these things, even if rare, need to end or your kids will suffer (and you).

Good luck (again) and I hope your son gets his trip and your kindness doesn't bite you on the bum. If it all goes belly up and your fella doesn't see the devastation he caused, I would consider your future with him. Just me.

Anyway, I'm waffling - was just curious to see if you could have a clean break if you chose to leave ever.

X

RedBern

Teeniepops wrote: »

This post has played on my mind on the way to work (I posted earlier too).

How tied are you? I guess what I mean is, we are all saying similar things (I.e. leave him) - but how linked are you wrt living arrangements and living costs. This may sound daft given he sounds as much use as a chocolate fireguard, but consider if you DID leave (clearly, what we say and think is irrelevant in some regards as you will do what you feel best) - would you suffer?


X

My reading of the posts was that they live separately?

Teeniepops

RedBern wrote: »

My reading of the posts was that they live separately?

Hiya. I thought that too, but they may still share arrangements/costs across two houses or have bills in both names etc (or worse, hers but are joint in use). My boyfriend and I had two houses for a while but shared costs of it all between us - victim of current housing market caused a merge to be delayed. Some stuff was in my name and some in his. Had we split and one become awkward after the fact, it could have gotten messy. Hence I was wondering.

I'm hoping it is a clean division whatever the future holds so he can't mess about too much (if that makes sense)?