Not sure how to approach this

victory

I was trying to say what poppy is saying, a gift is what someone wishes to buy for you or your family if asked why a gift was not bought it becomes an awkward obligation that builds into resentment rather than a willing wish fulfilled by the giver

victory

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Of course it's going to be a 'biggie' if one's child gets nothing from her aunty/uncle when all the others do.

!!!!!! what are some of you people on?

Some people are not name calling and swearing;) just offering an opinion

notanewuser

Poppy9 wrote: »

when the child is older and may notice then I'm sure parents can explain that they don't do presents for our family. It only becomes a biggie if you make it one.

it's about sometimes people surprise you and buy you a gift because they want to, not because they feel obliged to or in the OP case if she raises it then it will be because they are "told to".



I do get what you are saying but you are not being honest if you say you woudn't mind if it's a 10p second hand teddy from a charity shop. You would be on here starting a thread asking why they thought it was okay to give a used toy from goodness knows where to your young child!

They obviously have their reason for not buying. Either someone has said something or they have perhaps been told they have to buy for the other niece. Either way take comfort from the fact they obviously like you and have opened their home to you.

No, I wouldn't. DD had 4 or 5 charity shop toys from my parents for Xmas and she's utterly thrilled with them all.

As for the surprise presents, I bought my SIL a pair of slippers I saw that matched her hospital nightie when I went shopping for a couple of bits on Friday. She'd mentioned she needed them. Only £5 or so, but thoughtful. She was pleased but I didn't get so much as a thank you.

Yes, I appreciate the open house - shan't be staying in future as a) there won't be room and b) they admit to having the most uncomfortable bed in the world (have slept less than 8 hours in 4 nights). Local premier inn for us in future.

notanewuser

victory wrote: »

I was trying to say what poppy is saying, a gift is what someone wishes to buy for you or your family if asked why a gift was not bought it becomes an awkward obligation that builds into resentment rather than a willing wish fulfilled by the giver

No it doesn't.

I just won't bother for theirs this year.

victory

notanewuser wrote: »

No it doesn't.

I just won't bother for theirs this year.

No it doesn't what.?

As for next year well exactly giver receiver

Poppy9

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Of course it's going to be a 'biggie' if one's child gets nothing from her aunty/uncle when all the others do.

!!!!!! what are some of you people on?

That's a well thought out and reasoned post:rotfl:

notanewuser

victory wrote: »

No it doesn't what.?

As for next year well exactly giver receiver

It doesn't become an obligation.

Thought last year might have been a mistake, but now it seems to be deliberate.

victory

notanewuser wrote: »

It doesn't become an obligation.

Thought last year might have been a mistake, but now it seems to be deliberate.

I see ..........

thunderbird

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Of course it's going to be a 'biggie' if one's child gets nothing from her aunty/uncle when all the others do.

!!!!!! what are some of you people on?

But they wouldn't know unless someone actually pointed it out.

My kids often don't get presents from an uncle but they don't notice/mention it. I have no idea if other nephews/nieces get presents or not.
I wouldn't dream of pointing it out to them

smartpicture

I think you're falling into the trap of judging another family by the standards of your own family.

Every family is different. In some families, the things you're worrying about are a big issue, in others they really, really aren't. My family fall into the other category - we all get on fine, and we may give cards and presents if we think about it or we see something that makes us think of the other person - or we may not. Some years my kids get something off my brothers and sisters, and sometimes they don't, and if they do it may well be several weeks after the actual event even if we've seen them in-between. We're all like that, and it doesn't bother any of us. And believe me, we're not the only family like that.

One of my sister-in-laws really struggles to understand that. She feels that if a card/present is not presented on an actual birthday, she has somehow 'failed'. She spends hours making lists and tallying up 'equal' spending and giving up time she can't spare to make sure everything happens at the 'right' time and in the 'right' way. How is any of this the point of Chrismas? I know that's probably how most people are, but not everyone.

We do make the effort for her sake, although sometimes we forget because it just doesn't come naturally to us to care about that kind of stuff. The difference is, we all get on and it has been discussed, we accept we're just different kinds of families and we can all joke about it - rather than lying awake all night feeling resentful about it.

Maybe the real problem between you and his family is a bit deeper than just a few presents.